Tuesday, 17 January 2012
A little less than four years ago when my husband and I first got together, one of his good friends had just gotten engaged to his long-time love. He did this on the eve of New Years, so as we all gathered around the dinner table, they were planning their future together. Everyone was extremely excited for them and it seemed that they were excited too. They planned to have a summer wedding, but as the spring came and went, and summer quickly approached, they decided to postpone their wedding until next year...and then the next...and the next.
My husband's friend used to poke fun at us, saying that they are a much more serious couple than we are because they are engaged. She would constantly point out to me that their relationship is more serious than ours because she has a ring on her finger.Two years ago, while at a couples dinner night, she confessed to me in the women's room that she was not attracted to her fiance, did not care for him and was staying with him because he was studying to be a lawyer. Oh and another thing, she told me they never had sex.
Every time we would go somewhere on a trip she would sleep in the same bed with her fiance and her best friend. Weird, right? She told everyone that she was not that type of girl and wanted to wait until marriage. Ironically, she had a boyfriend before her fiance and she was definitely that type of girl with him. In the ladies room she also confessed to me that she was more attracted to my boyfriend (now husband) then her own fiance.
On the way home I told my husband what she had told me. He was shocked and asked me why she'd stay with her fiance if she feels that way. I honestly did not have an answer. Of course my husband did not hold the news to himself for very long, and soon after told his best friend, who then went ahead and told her fiance. As you can imagine, the fiance was livid, and they got into a huge argument. It turned out to be the evil witch that wanted to ruin their relationship.
Nevertheless, they worked it out and decided to stay together. They got a little bit closer, I mean she started to allow him to hug her and give her a peck on the lips; a big improvement from before. At some point my husband's best friend made a joke that my husband and I would get married before them, although the length of our relationship is same as the length of their engagement.
Let's fast-forward two years ahead. My husband proposed to me in October and we decided to have a July wedding. When she found out she announced that they are having a May wedding. Of course everyone's response to this was "Finally!" Nevertheless, May came and went and there was no wedding. They attended our wedding and seemed to enjoy each other's company. Afterwards, we saw them when we returned from our honeymoon and they informed us that they were once again planning a May '12 wedding.
This time we simply nodded and didn't say much. For some reason, we felt that it would not happen. Yesterday they announced their split. My husband's friend said that he simply got tired of her not appreciating him and treating him like garbage. Really? He only realized it now?
I guess my question is, why do people stay engaged or in long term relationships when they know deep inside that it's not working out? Can men really stay in a sexless relationship for six years because they "love" their significant other without cheating?