With the holidays coming up, it's inevitable that we are most likely going to gain weight. However, the upside to that is that it's more forgiven now than it would be at any other time of year. It really doesn't matter if you're in a relationship or single, no one likes not fitting into clothes so comfortably anymore, the extra pouch on top of your jeans, etc. Do I really need to depress all of us even more and keep going?
This affects both sides though. If you
are in a relationship,
do you feel secure in gaining those few pounds? Do you feel pressure to stay thin for your significant other? And on the flip side of this, if you're single,
do you feel like it would/will be harder for you to find someone? Do you feel more insecure when you go out? The truth of the matter is that we should all love the skin we're in. I know that it's easier said than done. If you're in a relationship - whether it's new or old - that person should love you for YOU and if that's not the case you shouldn't be together in the first place. That goes for all the singles out there too, except you all should love yourselves for who you are and that way you will bring love in.
I've always heard that when you're insecure or looking too hard for love, it's written all over your face- and I believe it. We should all be able to be ourselves in and out of closed doors. There's nothing wrong in indulging as long as you don't overdo it. Have a cup of eggnog, enjoy that candy cane martini - and the candy cane that went along with it. Just know your limits and when to stop. Too much of anything can't be good.
What do you guys think? Agree/Disagree?
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Comments (45)
I happen to agree.
I'm pretty open about gaining weight. I've had a particularly long semester which has led to plenty nights of not so dedicated healthy eating. And, yeah, I've about 5-7 lbs. Nothing tragic. But as someone who has lost nearly half their body weight the last thing you want to happen is see it creep upwards. So, I barged into the room this morning, "Sweetie! No more pizza for awhile! Gym, now!"
It can feel a bit crumby to gain weight but I start feeling better about it as soon as I get back on track. I had a green and berry smoothie for breakfast and some homemade hummus as a sandwich for lunch today and I'm already feeling better about myself.
I don't feel comfortable with weight gain in our relationship. My husband and I are young newly weds, and we've just been married 3 months. We have both lost A LOT of weight, before we ever knew eachother (I lost 93 lbs, he lost 85 lbs). After we had each taken care of ourselves, we met, and now we're here. I lost MORE weight after meeting him and have maintained that. However, after the wedding we each gained about 15 pounds on the first month from our honeymoon and all the bad food and skipping the gym for a few weeks. Bad idea. It made me insecure and self conscious. Even with the gain, I was no bigger than any time during our relationship. It still affected my mood terribly. I was more irritable, more self conscious, and unhappy with myself. He gained weight too and it made him feel unattractive and depressed. NOT a good thing for a relationship.
We both lost 10 pounds and counting, and feel more like our old happy selves again! So yes, I think weight gain is a huge deal... whether you're in a relationship or not. I definitely do not think it's okay to let yourself go just because you're married and comfortable with eachother. Long term "comfort" in the form of eating too much and not exercising just produces a relationship where each person becomes unhappy in some way.. even if it's with themselves and it DEFINITELY affects your significant other.
Equally, gaining weight while single can also matter. It may lower confidence and self esteem, making it harder to meet a special someone. They may not notice the extra few pounds, but they WILL notice your lack of confidence, self consciousness, etc, and maybe be turned off by that.
Needless to say, neither of us intend to gain any weight over the holidays. We're sticking to the healthy choices, keeping our normal workout schedule, avoiding sweets, and will enjoy the family, friends, and gatherings without our focus being on the food. There's more to it than that. :) It'll be worth it once the holidays end, the food is gone, and life returns to normal.
I feel better when I work out and drop a few pounds. And there are times I feel incredibly self-conscious because my tummy isn't as flat as it should be. It's a slow process. *sigh* My significant other has told me time and again that he doesn't mind if I have a bit of tummy. In fact, he tells me he likes the bit of softness. However, I must admit I feel more beautiful when I'm slimmer and it's great that my significant other supports me no matter what.
Well, in regards to gaining weight during the holidays, I don't see why anyone who is in a relationship should worry about it too much. 5-10 lbs extra weight gain won't change your appearance so drastically that your SO won't want you anymore.
I do gain weight during the winter but my boyfriend encourages it like crazy. He loves how I "fill out." I, on the other hand, don't feel too comfortable when I gain those extra 5-10 lbs. But usually once the season is over I lose it anyway so it's really not that big of a deal.
I think what really needs to concern somebody is if they're gaining way more than their body should take on. Otherwise eat up! :)
I have to say that I believe you have to keep yourself healthy, I used to struggle with my weight when I was younger but after my second child I worked hard to stay in shape and I feel a lot better now. I don't have anyone to be thin for, I do it for me.
I am not thin, I wasn't when my relationship began, so my boyfriend doesn't expect me to be skinny. I generally manage to look pretty good though, I have a large frame, broad shoulders and wide hips, so some extra pounds don't make me look terrible. If I start gaining, though, then I feel the negative effects. Not as much stamina for sex, less confidence in myself (which also doesn't help your sex life, lol), and just generally feeling tired and uncomfortable. I usually catch myself and fix it before it gets bad though, so my boyfriend usually doesn't comment if I gain a few pounds. He knows I'll realize it and fix it. But if weight gain gets out of hand (like more than the occasional 10 lbs or so) then it can negatively impact your relationship.
I am sure as hell not going to avoid all the good holiday food, however. I will focus on healthy eating in the days leading up to Christmas and New Year's and afterwards, portion control, and probably increase my exercise, but I'm not giving up my Christmas cookies! lol
there's been a lot of talk about fat chicks lately. why is that?
singles beware, though. you'll get kicked off of your dating website. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1240581/Dating-site-axes-members-gaining-weight-Christmas.html
I want to stay healthy for the sake of me firstly, and then my boyfriend... But regardless if I gain or lose 5-10 pounds, I don't think my boyfriend should feel like it effects him greatly.
I want to look good for him, I want to be physically fit.. But he shouldn't throw a pity party for himself if I gain weight.
If he gained weight... I wouldn't feel any less attracted to him.. and I definitely wouldn't be disgusted at his body. There's too much self hate, so I don't feel like it's my place to hate on his body when he could already be down about it. I love him for him, not just his body (cliche, but the ultimate truth).
While I believe that weight gain or otherwise change in appearance should not affect a relationship because your significant other should love you for WHO you are, not HOW you look. But regardless, I do believe drastic weight gain or weight loss should be of concern and CAN affect a relationship. The few pounds from holiday weight gain shouldn't make a difference, but 20, 30 pounds (or more) due to other reasons can mean something is going on. If your SO more stressed and engaging in poor eating habits (eating late, excessively, etc) and not having much concern for physical health, something might be bothering him/her that he/she is unable to deal with physically and emotionally. When drastic weight gain occurs sometime the partners becomes less interested because he/she finds excessive weight to be unattractive. Let's face it, a great relationship isn't only based on the intangible things such as communication and trust, but also includes physical attraction. It is a combination of things that make up the reasons why a relationship works.
I definitely agree with the statement, "When you're insecure or looking too hard for love, it's written all over your face," but that's besides the point of this entire piece I think.
Weight can be a tricky issue as it really depends on what the amount is as well as the situation. I would say that everyone has their own level and a point where they begin to think something is wrong and that the person is at an unhealthy weight; and by that I mean both stick thin and morbidly obese. People, especially women (rightfully so), often get very touch about the subject and in the end just go with what you're comfortable with and there will be someone out there who loves and accepts you for who you are. But there is of course also the possibility of you never being comfortable in your own skin, in which case, I highly recommend getting some professional help.
Personally speaking, and I know I'm taking a risk by saying this, I wouldn't be bothered if my wife or girlfriend gained or lost about 15-20 pounds, of course that's taking her height into consideration first. As long as she feels comfortable in her body, that's all that would matter to me, because if she's happy, I'm happy. However...once that 30 or 40lb gain or loss starts to occur that's the point where I know I would have to say something. Not to demean or criticize them but at that point it would reach a level where I would become concerned for their physical well being and of course there may be some psychological ramifications or effects in play as well. Now I'll note this is coming from someone whose parents go to the extremes on either side of the spectrum. My father is obese and my mother over the years became obese and is now the complete opposite and is close to a skeleton.
Honestly though, just take care of yourself. Eat a decent diet and workout a few times a week, it's really not that difficult. Yes there are times where it's an exception (Like finals week xD) but there's so many workout guides these days and they can take anywhere between 5-15min to do, there's really no excuse. I try hard to maintain a healthy physique and I would expect the woman I'm with to do the same, and not out of vanity but self respect.
I need to gain some weight heh. I barley have enough money to eat so gaining weight isn't really the issue for me.
However I agree with this post. If I where in a relationship(sadly I am not) I would be all for gaining extra pounds. It's the one time a year we are "allowed" to indulge ourselves in feasts upon feasts. Gaining weight should be the last thing on your mind this holiday season.
I'd feel more attractive if I gained a few pounds, so I'm hoping I'll gain at least a few during the holiday season. I know most men don't seem to care if I'm a bean-pole. I just won a beauty pageant for female metal musicians, after all. But I can't seem to forget that I was once about 10 pounds heavier and I wish all the clothes I loved back then still fit the same way and that it was still easy to find a flattering bra in my size. (and where I live, smaller sizes are practically an endangered species.)
You can't control whether or not you're physically attracted to someone.So I have to assume that while you SHOULD feel secure that someone will still LOVE you if you gain weight... you shouldn't assume that they're still interested in your sexually.Whether or not that makes you insecure... up to you.
If your SO is going to dump for you for gaining a few pounds over the holiday season, they're not someone you want to be with anyway.
always. weight is what my parents tease each other about.
i agree, whether you're in a relationship or not-- you should always love yourself. and i absolutely love my body, but that doesn't give me the permission to allow me to "let go" and gain weight during the holidays. yes, i try to stay the same weight during the holidays because I want to be healthy. yes, i am in a relationship..but that doesn't really affect me.. i do want to look good for my boyfriend, but even if i gained 10 lbs (which i have, but then lost) he was still here with me.
I love myself but if I were to gain a significant amount of weight I would not.
Not to say I put everyone around me in the same position, but when I gain noticeable weight I am insecure and just not as bubbly and forward as I usually am. I also don't feel adequate enough to date anyone so I close myself off until I am at a satisfactory weight again.
A couple pounds fluctuating here and there between a couple is okay I think though, though I have never been a part of a serious one. But it has to be a joint situation, if one party gains a lot of weight and the other maintains a good one, that is a problem.
But to sum up the answer to the singles question: I do feel more insecure when I go out when I've gained weight and I do feel that it is harder to find someone. It may be all in my head but the boundaries, physical or not, still exist.
I gained a little weight after I started dating my bf, and I felt badly about it, because I want to stay slim. He however gained quite a bit of weight. He and I have both had eating disorders and weight issues our entire lives so we are pretty conscious of this.
I've been shedding my weight again, but he is continuing to gain, probably 40 lbs. And while I love him the same and still find him fun in bed, honestly it is starting to be a problem in the sex dept. His weight on me is crushing. I am literally scared at times that he will smother me or break an arm by some certain positions and manuevers we use. After his orgasm, he collapses on top of me, and I am starting to get scared that he will smother me, and not realize that my pokes and prods are "please get off me" and not something done in the heat of the moment.
Also, there are some practical issues in that with a lot of excess fat, there are positions that become difficult or impossible etc. So it makes things tricky. He is very aware of his weight gain and is trying to get a handle on it. I don't want to tell him that I am literally afraid in bed these days, I don't want him to feel worse than he already does, but the past few times we made love, I had moments when I began to panic.
I like to keep my weight down for myself and him, but so far that's easy with 3 kids and planning for more! I don't get much time to sit down!
@ccccourage@xanga - time to ride him, my dear!
@eatcleantrainhard@xanga - Couldn't have said it better myself! I'm proud of you for keeping such a positive attitude throughout
i'm always worried about my weight no matter what so i try to make sure that i stay within a certain weight or at least be healthy. it doesn't bother me if he gains weight either bc maybe he's just happy with me.
My fiance loves me no matter what! I like to keep in shape anyways, for me (my health) and for him.
my bf gained almost 40 lbs when he was in the hospital last year. it hasn't affected our relationship much. i still think he's the most attractive man - the features i'm drawn to haven't changed. i don't mind that he has a bigger belly now.
lately, i've been gaining weight as well (so far about 8 pounds over the past 3 months) due to stress. he doesn't mind at all.
still, in january, we're both starting a new diet and workout routine. it's not necessarily about looking better, it's about feeling better and being physically fit.