Miss Double ShotI've gotten really into the MTV show
"Sex...with Mom and Dad" lately. If you're not familiar with it, kids who are somehow sexually deviant have a heart-to-heart with Dr. Drew Pinsky (of Loveline fame) and their parents about how they can become more responsible lovahhhs.
Anyway, what's most interesting is watching how the kids and their parents react to each other's frank talk about sex. Before being forced to share personal information all in the name of good TV, these 'rents had never talked to their kids about their romantic exploits, let alone given them enough information about how to be safe with their partners.
What I'm wondering is how open your parents are with you about their pasts - and how much they told you during "The Talk". My parents were both very open about sex when they explained it to us, but I don't know very much about their pasts. It's something I know I could ask about . . . but I'm not sure I'd want to know.
How open were your parents when it came time to talk about sex? How do you plan to explain things to your kids?
Comments (165)
I wish, I remember my mother relished the idea that school would teach me everything i needed to know, However, this wouldn't happen untill I was 11. SO in the meantime my mother borrowed a book from the library and told me to read it.
The last time I spoke to my mother about anything along this subject line it was when I went to spend the night at my Boyfriends house. She said "I hope I taught you enough morals to do the right thing". I laughed knowing that this was the 1st and last time she even mentioned anything along the lines of Sex. It's a wonder that I didn't drop out of Highschool and have a child. I am actually the oldest women on my mother's side of the family to not have a child. . . age 22. WOW.
My parents never explained it to me. They never wanted to talk to me about it at all. I don't think they ever wanted me to know.
wow, same here. my parents thought learning in school would be the best way. i wish we talked about it more, but i'm not going to ask.
when i said was ready to have sex, my mom just like warned me to use a condom and be safe, but she never ever told me how it was done or why or anything like that before in my life.
Well, the farthest my parents (more like my mom) went about it was asking me and my brother if we wanted a baby sister. Other than that, my parents never really explained it to us. My dad did explain the period process of a female's body. I learned everything else from health and sex-ed class. And although I'm not a virgin, I understand the risks of unprotected sex and always wore protection. Though my parents don't know that I'm not a virgin (Asian parents are never okay with this), I'm sure they know that I'm smart about it.
well, my mother told me about some "semen" coming out from dad and reaching her.
I spent entire days trying to understand how this "semen" can run all around the bed and find my mother...
My mother never said anything about it. She must've thought I'd learn in school, but she was wrong.
I had to learn from kids on the school bus, and that kind of information is notorious for being far from true. As it was, I didn't know how the male and females parts were supposed to fit together until 8th grade. And I didn't know pee came from a different place until I was maybe a sophomore in high school...
First of all I was sexually abused as a child, so kind of threw that one out the window.
My mom was pretty discreet, but explained the principle of it all, morals and purpose. She made it very delicate and very special. It all made sense to me and I fully agreed with what she said. I wasn't force fed anything. What I found disgusting and hated was the way schools and "focus groups" explained it all. It was like, whoa why do I need this in my face? I'd like to preserve innocence the right way as well as not let my children be ignorant. I wouldn't just throw out my 13yr old daughter out there to let her dumb ass friends to "teach" her.
My mom gave me books though too...
My parents were pretty straight forward with me about sex. They kinda had to be because they had me before they were married. However, I wouldn't WANT to know a whole lot about their sexual histories honestly. TMI. Although my mom always said "sex is a beautiful thing, BUT..." and so I still kind of have a sheltered view of it and am not totally comfortable talking about it.
My parents didn't. I think it was the worst decision.
Yeah...my mom likes to lecture, and her favorite subject is sex. The first time she tried to talk about it I was like, ten....I still remember cringing. I'm already abnormally mature/responsible for being a highschool student, so why couldn't she just blab to someone who needs to know?
My parents never explained it to me, but my mom always said if I had questions that I should ask her, and that she wanted me to tell her if I was thinking of having sex.
I want to be open with my children, but I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the sex talk. I know I want to have it, though, not assume school or something else will teach them.
my parents never explained it to, but they always made me aware of it and possible dangers if i'm not careful about it. my mom used to always say dont do anything stupid when i started dating. but i understood and that was fine with me. i got most of the details in school.
My parents have NEVER talked to me about that, and I'm 17. I didn't find out till about my 7th/8th grade year that sex before marriage was "wrong". And that was just the quick "The church says sex before marriage is wrong" in my religion class. No one has ever bothered to talk to me about it before. I wish at least someone had because while I'm still a virgin, there is some stuff I've done that I would have rather not.
My parents gave me a set of books when I was 10. I don't remember discussing any of the information with them. Then, when I was 14, they gave me a very abbreviated 'sex-should-be-special' talk with the pro-pill 'if-you-think-you're-ready' addendum. But it was a very short, very sterile (excuse the pun) conversation, so when they found out I was sexually active when I was 18 (though I had voluntarily not had sex for over a year by then), they were all upset (my father actually threatened to disown me).
As for my kids, we're very open about it. I've told them age-appropriate things as they've grown up, and they are very comfortable talking to me about such things. Like my 9 yo daughter has breasts now, and my 11 yo son had a puberty class last year, and they both asked me questions.
If more parents would get over the 'embarassment' of the topic, there wouldn't be a need for sex ed in schools. However, too many of them think either 1) denial will keep their kids safe or 2) why should I tell them, since the school will? Both of those are stupid things.
(If you want to read interesting conversations I've had with my kids, go here or here.)
My mother broke out the medical encyclopedias!
She worked for Public Health(specifically HIV/STD Prevention), so I got a thorough talk with risks and such. I never particularly wanted to know much about my parent's pasts, so I never asked.
My parents were not very open about it. My sister and I heard the word "sex" on the radio in the car when we were about 9 and 10 years old, respectively. Naturally, we asked what it was sense we didn't know that word. My mom explained it, but I don't really remember what she said just that we both looked at eachother and said "ew gross, why would you do that!?". My mom probably then explained that that's how you make babies and such...I think we were still pretty grossed out though. The school did most of the talking though in 6th-8th grades where they pounded it into our brains that we must be abstinant (I went to a private Baptist school). My parents have never really been very open about the topic. Though, my mom did straight up ask me if I was having sex when she was suspicious of my boyfriend. I wasn't, but you know parents. :) Other than that though...not very open.
@NiDH0GG@xanga - Ha. Lol. I remember asking my 3rd grade teacher what semen was because I heard it on an episode of Coach.
My parents told me nothing other than: don't get pregnant. My mom even bought me the "Body Book for Girls" to learn about periods. I think she thought it would also tell me about sex, but it didn't. My friends in elementary school were nice enough to enlighten me.
Wow. Tough topic to talk about for sure.
Honestly, I don't remember at all. I knew about this stuff in.... 1st or 2nd grade. O_o Not something I should've known. Although I didn't know much about it.
I kinda wished that they would have told me, but somewhere along the lines I knew about it somehow.
Don't really remember and I don't want to remember.
My mom told me having kids is a beautiful thing (her response after I swore to adopt at the age of 6 because I just saw a live birth on TV and could not understand how a baby's head could fit through that tiny little hole). My dad just glared at me when somehow the word romance and/or sexually active terminology was related towards me. They pretty much relied on school to teach me the ropes but somehow I managed to get excused from those classes.
I will probably teach my kids the way I taught my brother. "Just be careful what you do and when you and who you do. Be smart about what you do before, during and after." Always keep an open communication and let them feel comfortable to talk to me about anything, and that I will not judge or think of them any less, because I would rather know about what happens in their lives so I can better guide them as to what to do.
It's better to teach and show them about the evils and temptations in our lives, and let them make their own decisions. The more you tell someone not to do something without really showing them all the consequences, it just makes it all the more intriguing. Then they do it behind your back and then something bad happens, and now you can't do anything about it because it's too late.
My mom sat me down and gave me the basics when I was four, since a boy in kindergarten told me wanted to "have sex" with me. Of course, being four, I was like, "WTF is that mom?"
My dad still hates even hearing me talk about kissing, but I am open in front of him and everyone else about it because I don't care. I plan on telling my kids anything they want to know when they start asking... but not the gory details until they are older.
My mom was very open with me, even if she didn't share personal details really. But she wasn't afraid of talking about sex, and I'm glad for that.
I thought she was lying when she first told me that. I was 7 or 8 and I asked where babies came from, and she told me. I thought I'd never heard anything more disgusting in my life.
I'm glad she was open with me. I plan on being open with my kids. After all, what am I supposed to say 10 years from now when they find the rather erotic musical album I'm making right now? If I'm not ashamed to talk to everyone who will buy my music about sex, why should I be ashamed to talk to my own children about it?
My parents never taught me. My siblings taught me nothing, either. I was not allowed by my parents to have sexual education in middle school, and so I had to find out in Health Ed. by some substitute in high school, although I had already known from friends, television, and internet.
If I ever have a child, depending on the age, I would just ..tell them how it is, and how to be safe when they're ready.
haha. I'm Asian. Asians don't discuss this with their children. Serious.
As for how I'll tell my kids, I'll decide when the issue comes up. & seeing as I won't have children for a while.. I'd rather not think about it. :)
They never explained it to me, though I'd probably run to my mum first if I had a problem in that area.