By
Miss Double ShotPoor Mr. Macchiato had to listen to me ramble about etiquette the other day. I was so annoyed with a couple I saw on the street.
I watched a guy open a door for a girl (brownie points!) and watched her frown as she walked through the doorway without even acknowledging him. This drives me insane.
All it takes is a nod! If you know the guy, I think a "thanks" will suffice after being prompted to say it ad nauseum when I was a kid, it's essentially a reflex now.
There are so many expectations out there for guys now - remember to hold the door open, push chairs in, open car doors, etc. - that I'm impressed that so many of them abide by these rules, if you will.
I'm wondering, though, if there are things girls should do for guys to return the public displays of chivalry. I don't mean pulling out their chairs or anything, but...
Guys, what would you want to see a girl do for a change?
Girls, do you think you take chivalry for granted?
Comments (176)
Bah! I'm divided on the idea of chivalry. For one, it comes from the days when women were supposed to act proper and blah blah men are better than you yaddah yaddah. On the other hand, it's just a way of showing that you're polite and capable of manners, which I believe deserves a genuine smile and a thanks.
However, I hate being taken care of so it would really annoy me if someone did it all the time... Eventually, though, they'd learn not to.
Random note - when I hover your links they disappear into the background...it's kind of annoying... >_>
I absolutely do not take it for granted because I expect a man to open the door for me. As much of a strong independent woman as I am, there is absolutely no reason to not expect a guy to open it for you. In fact, when I walk up to a door and a man is near, I will try to time it so he feels obligated to hold it for me. I ALWAYS ALWAYS smile and say thank you.
I have no idea why I do this, but when I pointed it out to my friends they laughed and were shocked to actually see it in action. It works every time. It might be easier though since I live in the south...
I don't go for the pulling out the chair thing though and I don't know why that is.
I personally do not take chivalry for granted. I am grateful to all that my boyfriend does. and when I am out in public and some one random holds the door or allows me to sit down I appreciate it. Sometimes I decline on the seat because I just do. Overall I love it. Wish there was more of it
@Southernlass - I know why...b/c when the guy tries to push the chair back in for you, he catches your foot under it, or he tips it and throws you in the floor. Or both. That has happened to me, no joke.
@Southernlass - I expect the door to be held for me too and I never forgo the thank you. Timing it out is the greatest ever.
I will hold the door for anyone that is close enough for the door to close on them, there is no reason to not be kind when someone is just a few steps behind. However, just because I held the door for you does not mean I'm holding it for the fifteen people who were behind you!
Since I like to be kind to my fellow human beings I am always disappointed by the jerk who looks directly at you, knows you are going to walk through the door and then just lets go of it so it can practically close in your face. I have no respect for people like that. There's just no reason for it! And you can't say that you're in a hurry either because if you had time to turn around to check me out then you had the time to keep your hand on the door so that at least I didn't have to start from scratch.
@Celestial_Rose2002 - I have totally wiped out, a few times acutally, because of the chair move! Its especially difficult to coordinate with a barstool.
I think anytime you can do something nice for another person, you should. It doesn't take that much effort.
One thing I do for my husband is to reach over to unlock his car door after he let me in (or hit the button if it's auto-lock).
Whenever a man opens a door for me, I am very touched, even if I don't know him. In always smile and say thanks, cause it was kind. One time tht really made me appreciate chivalry was on my way to homeroom (high school). A young man I had never met before saw me coming behind him, stopped waited till I arrived, and held the door open to outside. I was so surprised, it caught me off guard and must have shown in my expression. I said "Thank you!" in the "no-person-under-18-has-ever-held-the-door-for-me" tone. I never saw the gentleman again, but I've always remembered that.
I guess I think of what you call chivalry as manners? Or something like that. Holding doors, giving up my seat for women...or the elderly, male or female, is what I was taught was proper. Not because I'm a guy, but because that's common courtesy. My mother does the same, she holds doors for people, men included, is always willing to give up her seat for someone who needs/wants it, and often politely declines when someone offers their seat to her. I think common courtesy should be expected from everyone, regardless of sex.
i think that guys sometimes get a little carried away with trying to be polite with opening doors and such.
it always amaze me whenever a guy help you - like open the door, fix a flat tire, etc...and i try my best to acknowledge and say my thanks to them...
and sometimes i do allow men to pass through first if i am holding the door...so yea that's me
what if the guy cheated on her and he was trying to kiss up to her so she'd forgive him
Not all girls do. 99% of the time they thank me for opening doors and a lot of them say something to the affect of "Your Mother raised you right."
Of course, I do live in Texas...
leave the seat up!
I was raised to be polite and to hold doors for people but especially women.I gave up my seat for women too.
Then I stopped.
I held a door for a woman who proceeded to give me hell for " treating her as inferior" since she was capable of opening a door herself. I was blown away by her response. Later that same week I gave up my seat on the subway to a pregnant woman who damn near gave me the same lecture!!
Later I decided that even though there are some with no manners, or who don't appreciate them, I would still display mine.
Most say thank you.
I always say thank you and please =]
I am a very modern woman and have 4 boys. I like anyone that is entering to open the door as I do the same for all. It really isn't a matter of chivalry it is courtesy. I am teaching my kids the same. I even have my kids open the door and hold it if:
1. it is a parent
2. older person
3. someone that looks tired
4 someone that seems to be struggling or walking with any difficulty
5. someone with their arms full.
My kids love to do this for others and never tire of hearing the "thank you's" And I swell with pride that they are becoming caring people.
I always hold doors for women, stand up when they come to a table, call them ma'am no matter how old they are, smile, try to be polite, and it is very rare that they don't thank me and react gracefully. On the few occasions that they don't, I don't get upset or decide to stop being chivalrous. But I think it would be nice if women started holding doors for men, too, and treating men every bit as chivalrously. Great post.
i don't really expect chivalry, since so many guys lack it these days. so, i definitely appreciate it but i probably don't always remember to say "thank you." oops.
I'm a very polite girl, and I will always hold the door open for people that are walking behind me (unless I'm in a big hurry and my parents are leaving me behind), and if someone holds open the door for me (or does anything like that for me) I always smile and say thank you. It's just manners, a common courtesy.
@Bricker59 - Good for you. You shouldn't stop just because you came across some rude people. There are lots of people that will greatly appreciate what you do for them.
I have this one coworker who always opens the door for me. I think it's really nice. I always say thanks!
Love gentlemen! It might seem like girls take things for granted in many cases... BUT... MAYBE she's repaying him in the bedroom? hahaha I'm just kidding... BUT yes, I do agree, a simple gesture like a "thanks" or a smile are [pretty important so the girl wouldn't come across as 'rude'.
I honestly used to hate it when guys opened the door for me... wouldn't even let my bf do it. If a stranger held the door open I would politely say thank you and walk through, but my friends knew and did it, at least partially, to bother me. I've paid for myself on almost every date, except my ex's suck up date after he screwed up big time.
Since I've let go a little. I can be independent and still be a lady.
So I'm not sure if that's taking it for granted or simply feeling as thought I can do that stuff on my own.
I think women should definitely acknowledge chivalrous acts. The guy is going out of his way to be kind, shouldn't we too, just a little bit? I never take it for granted, I'm always touched when someone [anyone, guy or girl] opens a door for me or pulls out a chair for me. I love it. It makes me feel like there is some good in this world.