clarity_gets_a_weblog's Datingish

Adieu

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 05:45:06 GMT

The finger on the wall began to move... and still unsure, she smiled.

There’s a time for waiting and a time for waking up

And when it’s time to leave, it’s also time to make space for the new.

And when it’s time, you know it’s time, and nothing happens before that.

I am done revolving my writing about being single, it’s always been more than that for me. I’ve left a pic of myself up, as a way of saying I was here, and it was fun.

I will be finding a different blog home, so if anyone still wants to read my stuff, mail or message me through Datingish and I’ll send you the new link. So long, and thanks for all the love!

To Stand in Awe

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 12:05:28 GMT

When I say I don't mind dying today, people think I'm suicidal.When people hear one of my favourite books in the Bible is Ecclesiastes, they usually do a double-take. It is written by a king who identifies himself as The Philosopher, and people write off the book as "pessismism." This is how Ecclesiastes opens:

"It is useless, useless, said the Philosopher. Life is useless, all useless... Every river flows into the sea, but the sea is not yet full. The water returns to where the rivers began, and starts all over again.... Our eyes can never see enough to be satisfied; our ears can never hear enough. What has happened before will happen again. What has been done before will be done again."

It's actually a pretty famous book, though not many people may realise the source when they hear The Byrd's "Turn, Turn, Turn" or read T. S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock". This:

"He sets the time for birth and the time for death
The time for planting and the time for pulling up,
The time for killing and the time for healing,
The time for tearing down and the time for building,
He sets the time for sorrow and the time for joy,
The time for mourning and the time for dancing,
The time for making love and the time for not making love,
The time for kissing and the time for not kissing,
He sets the time for finding and the time for losing,
The time for saving and the time for throwing away,
The time for tearing and the time for mending,
The time for silence and the time for talk.
He sets the time for love and the time for hate,
The time for war and the time for peace."

I have felt at times like this:

"Better off than those who are dead and gone are those who have never been born, who have never seen the injustice that goes on in this world."

And I laughed softly when I read this:

"Think before you speak, and don't make any rash promises to God. He is in heaven and you are on earth, so don;t say any more than you have to. The more you worry, the more you are likely to have bad dreams, and the more you talk, the more likely you are to say something foolish. So when you make a promise to God, keep it as quickly as possible... Don't let your words lead you into sin, so that you have to tell God's priest that you didn't mean it."

And yet, and yet, someone who ruled a kingdom powerfully, who saw shit and felt that living was like "chasing the wind" because it all seemed so pointless and going nowhere, said again and again as he touched bottom:

"No matter how much you dream, how much useless work you do, or how much you talk, you must still stand in awe of God."

It's crammed with some really wise, beautiful lines among all the yearning for a perfect world, a world in which life made sense to someone who sought to understand. All he says again and again is: enjoy your life, it's all you've got, and have reverence for it and for God.

I can't speak for the philosopher, but I hold the same thing as true. If you can see the world really, all of it, and still feel love, if you accept that "you can't put straight what God made crooked" and just enjoy every day of your life because it's all you have, you will really truly live, with your eyes and your heart open. I was ready to die at the age of 15, because I had done all I ever wanted to experience and I thought life would just be more of the same again and again. I was wrong. I still don't mind dying today, because I will still die with a thankful heart. Perhaps that's all I ever want to say about my life.

p.s. I posted a photo album "head in the clouds"- it's what made me stand in awe this morning.

When Love is Playing it Straight

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 06:28:42 GMT

“Tell me one of the love stories you heard yesterday”

“No, they were depressing”

“Come on, this is what happens in real life, you should know what happens in real life”

“The same things don’t happen to everyone”

“But they’re stories, like books or movies, and you watch them all the time”

“These haven’t reached their happy ending so I don’t want to say it”

She thinks I’m not sharing on purpose so I give up and decide to just say it without the drama

“This woman got married to this man who lived abroad, arranged marriage, the guy had done an MS so the parents were quite happy, he seemed decent. Six months passed and he hadn’t made the arrangements for her to join him yet, visa problems he said. Her parents talked to his and finally the girl’s parents decided to just send her abroad on their own. When he received her at the airport he told her to sit in the backseat and when they reached the house he asked her to sleep in another room. At first she thought he had an affair or something was wrong with her, but she found out that he was gay and he knew she had, so he cut all the phone lines in the house and locked her up. Her parents hadn’t heard from her since the day she reached. They could only get through his number but he kept saying she was in the shower or having fun at the neighbours’ house. They got suspicious after this happened a few times and finally they managed to find a relative who visited the house and rescued the girl from there. Now she’s back home.”

“That’s what they say about boys who go abroad, you’ve got to be careful.”

I know, I’ve heard too many stories. I can’t club all emigrants in one category, and it’s possible to marry an idiot anywhere in the world.

“Why did he cut all the phone lines?”

“Because he didn’t want anyone to know he was gay.”

“Why did he ask her to sit in the backseat?”

“Because he didn’t want her to be anywhere near him. Pretty cruel.”

“Is it a characteristic of being gay?”

“No! Anyone could act like that. Gays are just not accepted by a lot of people, it’s like being a minority group, so it’s pretty hard, like you have to live undercover. I guess both thought they had to get married. I have no idea what the girl is going through now. Really sad.”

“Are there more gays now than there used to be? You didn’t hear these stories before.”

“They were mentioned in ancient Greece, the Kamasutra talks about gay love, it’s just a sexual orientation. It’s like women are coming out more now, gays are finding their voice.”

She doesn’t notice the inversion, she’s shifting perspectives. I love her for being so sheltered and really wanting to understand. I know people who have been screwed over at the altar because people just can’t let each other be, and it’s not fair to anyone. A friend was going through arranged marriage proposals recently and we were talking about chemistry and I remembered Sex and the City and how the girls would never consider marrying anyone they hadn’t at least kissed before. “I think that’s what you’re supposed to do when the parents leave the prospective couple alone to talk.” (I was kidding) There is no right way to find love. I really wish there weren’t so many restrictions on it.

the things we do for love

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 08:55:05 GMT

I don't know what surprises me more, that people are strange or that I spent most of my life wondering if I was normal.

I just read an excerpt from an article a friend mailed me, about international tourists choosing Goa as a wedding destination:

Unlike Indian weddings that dutifully obey the prototype, the foreigner's wedding is singular. Lester says, "Some couples arrive at the scene on bullock carts and elephants and some come by boat. Some weddings are held on yachts, others on hill-tops... One groom found a singular way of stealing the show from his wife-to-be. "He asked if we could arrange for him to land at the spot by parachute!'' laughs Ranjan. "We checked if he was insured, made him formally accept blame for any mishap, and found him a parachute.'' The groom did make his grand entry, but the trouble with a beach wedding is, you never know which way the wind blows. He landed on a tree. Of course, the guests had a field day with their cameras.

I remember English class, twelfth grade, and we were about to read the scene where the priest is about to propose to Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice, and our teacher asked us to each say how we would propose to someone we loved. The coolest response was this guy, he said he'd take her on a rollercoaster ride, and right when they were about to drop off the top, he'd ask her, "Will you marry me?"

I remember some really bizarre moments, like last year when one of my friends, persistent in his pursuit of another of my friends, got thoroughly drunk and stood up in a pub and sang a Hindi song at the top of his lungs to her, gestures and all. I was caught between feeling for her, she was so embarrassed, and laughing my guts out. I never thought people actually did that, it's hilarious. Another whacked-out memory was back in twelfth grade again, when a friend's boyfriend I had never met (she had gone to live abroad a few years before) actually called me from another country to find out why she was breaking up with him. I was like in school, and I hadn't met her for years, and this guy on the phone was telling me that he'd found our home number on the government telephone exchange website (of all the things for our bureaucracy to get net-savvy about) and could we just talk, because he had washed a million dishes and had no one to spend the pocket-money on, and he'd remembered my name from some conversation he once had with her. I felt pretty bad for him, but again, so bizarre.

I have to run now, life's calling. To the people who feel bizarre all over the world, you are not alone.

...wonders

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 07:16:26 GMT

i've been paddling around, it's been a crazy month for me. actually, it's pretty much been a crazy year.

Two birthdays define my professional career. One was my 23rd, I had to go for counselling practice and I met my first client who acted on a suicidal tendency. It was in a hospital set-up, the gloomy government kind, and although she opened up, her family got all fierce because they weren't sure they could trust someone who could go to the police with information that could get her jailed. That was pretty sad, but it was part of learning that you cannot take responsibility for people's lives, you can only offer to hold them with love.

The other one, the 25th, a few months back actually, I was in the middle of nowhere, visiting tribal villages with a great bunch of friends. It was crazy, my friends managed to get spicy chocolate doughnuts from somewhere the night before (totally gross, it's the kind of thing you eat when you want to test yourself) and decorated the hotel room with newspaper streamers, a real "journalist's birthday'". the actual day was insane, we walked 10 km (of which half was uphill) to meet a tribe but it was totally worth it. i heard some really crazy stories. and in the evening, the hotel actually had a bar so we had some wine.

maybe in another two years i'll be on the top of some volcano with a bunch of people discussing the meaning of life, i don't know... anything's possible, and i really like that.

finding your tribe

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:20:14 GMT

We drove by three boys looking out at the sea on the middle of the bridge, and I couldn’t help smiling and thinking “someone’s making a memory right now.” That’s true of the times I see big groups of young or old people laughing it up at eating places, or even walking through my old college and someone inevitably knocks over a glass bottle by accident and it shatters, and there’s a second of “oh shit” and then everyone in the canteen, no matter if the person was a junior or a senior, girl or boy, known or fresher, everyone gets up and hoots and yells and smilingly cheers on the person who broke it. The tradition must be centuries old, as old as the college, but it’s embarrassment mixed with a sense of joy, it’s nice to just belong. That’s what I think about tradition, that when you perform a ritual, you feel like you're part of something bigger than yourself, as if you really are tapping into something bigger than the immediate moment. Like how you can walk into a big stadium or Carnegie Hall or a Harappa-Mohenjodaro ruin or the Roman Colosseum and think automatically with a sense of awe “great things have happened here”. You can actually feel it reverberate in the air around you, it says: hallowed ground. Some places of worship have that very strongly. It's as if the intentions of those who treaded in heavily looking for a place to let go of the world’s burdens, have, in looking up at the rafters, created a sense of reverence to hang for an eternal instant in the air.

And I think of weddings, and how even though I and the other will write our own vows and create our own ceremony, there is something to be said for weddings! That sense of awe in saying the same words your ancestors did (“in the language of our fathers”) with your partner, looking into someone’s eyes and thinking this is the one for me and at the same time, knowing in that tribal part of you that you are re-living with the tribe the personal moment, and how powerful is that acceptance of the tribe for what you are doing and your own acceptance that you belong to the tribe and your essence is joined with it in your marriage and future propagation of its line.

I am everything I was born into, but I am part of larger tribe, a tribe that has no name but is big enough to allow multiple interpretations of its ritual, its God and its purpose. It is truly where we come from when we do what we do that makes us belong to each other, and I say this from experience because it has been in the most unexpected places that I have met people who no matter how different their background, really got me. If I had to put a name to it, I would say it has a certain freedom of spirit, that everyone has it but not all prefer it.

I saw Angelina Jolie speak up for Colin Firth’s rat pack persona with a smile saying “I think it’s ok for people to be wild if they do it with a good heart, you know, not to hurt anyone.” And I saw Sharon Stone and Naomi Campbell speak up for Kate Moss and her substance abuse phase, that she was going through a rough patch and just needed support to get through and was still one of the most professional models around. And that’s what’s true, that when you are down, the person you least expect, and often least know, will speak up for you because they remember themselves and in a way, they are saying I see you coming home, come home. It’s the most important gesture in history, because it proves that no one is alone, even if they feel isolated, that there are others going through the same thing in exactly the same way and that is exactly what coming home is about, it’s about finding your real family and connecting with them no matter what the rest of the world says.

“Your circle of friends will defend the silver lining” – John Mayer, The Heart of Life.

And it’s true.

Stands in the firing line

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 05:51:04 GMT

What I write now is not the original words, but I put it down differently because I get the strange feeling sometimes that the CIA is scanning my weblog. OK, I am kidding, it's just my guilty conscience because I was going to beat the shit out of a certain brand of American movies in a post. Well, my annoyance has blown away, and so rationally, and in a manner not designed to intentionally provoke patriotic sentiments, I will proceed.

I just watched a horrible movie called, deceptively, “happy endings”. Do not watch it just to understand what this post is about, it will scar your soul. Basically, Lisa Kudrow gets it on with her step-brother, gets pregnant, has the baby without telling anyone about it. Years later, the parents die (their tombstone says, "don't drink and drive"), the step-brother is gay and deceives his partner's best friends to find out if their baby is his partner's baby really, Lisa herself is involved in another tale of deception which I cannot bother to write about and there is one more sub-plot included where a son deceives his father into dating a girl who is deceiving both of them to have a place to live. In the end, everything is sorted, and the last "happy dance" Lisa is dancing with her brother and she remembers herself dancing with him when they were teens, and she sees their son now grown-up looking on, and in that regretful moment you can almost see her think: if only.

I have no problem with any of the choices made in the movie. I just have a problem with the ethos behind the movie and behind this brand of film and tv-making that glorifies dysfunction. Nothing is more seductive than depression, and there is a whole saga of depressed lives hanging out on the washing-line of the film world. What to do when you're depressed, whether you're rich and have no reason to be depressed or poor and have every reason to be depressed (These are the categories they are presented in, I think both are crap): get drunk and do something stupid, get high and do something stupid, do something stupid and somehow in the end, you may be depressed but you sure had a good time because what the hell, life is pain. So when these filmmakers/ scriptwriters get ahold of the idea that there is beauty in life, their very concept of it is of twisted beauty. My sole issue is the one-sidedness of it and the seductiveness of the medium that people will start agreeing with their moment of doubt in their own power to change their lives.

You have movies that aestheticize violence, but if the filmmaker included the image of the raped, the plundered and the murdered and also tried to aestheticize that, someone would look at it and say, "Man that may look pretty but it sure is artificial." Because you know what you would feel like if that happened to you. I don't have an issue with what art does with its interpretation of life, I just notice a trend in movies that sell this as truth, that says life sucks so screw the world before you get screwed over.

On the other hand you have pop movies where romance is sold like candy and even the worst product of society looks drop-dead gorgeous in the end and has the most enviable partner on his/her arm. There's this basic inability to look at reality I think, because people are so scared of what they might see that they have to make everything beautiful or they'll just die with shame.

The last scene of American Beauty, Spacey says “I feel great”, he picks up the family photograph, someone pulls the trigger and BAM there’s Spacey’s blood on the wall. The movie ends with the idea that here was a guy whose life ended with him running high, having found his “Self”. That is still stuck in dysfunction, because his “self” was expressed at the cost of others: He was mean, he yelled, he expressed his power by denying everyone else theirs. He dominated others by sarcasm and shouting. He got his pleasure by reversing the control in his life, he simply started controlling everyone else, and that was what his wife was driving home to tell him about – “I will not be your victim anymore!” - even though he had felt like hers for the longest time. I think he died – or more appropriately was killed by the screenwriter/director – when he was about to really lift off. When you stand up for yourself and become comfortable in your own power, you get to a place where you can learn how to be powerful gently, and that is real power. It is a power that requires nothing but can get everything at no one’s expense because it knows how to move in harmony. I could talk all night about it, but what I basically wanted to say is that there is a place that exists that these movies have stopped believing in. In looking at people at their meanest and seeing only that as reality, you are also cutting out the other extreme of human behaviour and choice, when both are equally possible and in your power to choose.

There are other foreign films that are different – they show pathos but it’s beautiful in that it glorifies the human ability to feel. Whatever the action chosen, they focus on the emotion behind it and the heart is not shut to the impact of the action. They genuinely see a beauty in living, and there is a moral code, an innocence in life that they revere. What I am trying to say is, pain is painful, and joy is joyful and the beauty seen in anyone's life is not in glorifying the times they made someone and themselves miserable, but simply that it was a life lived by choice and it is in every moment that your life can change because of that choice. It is the power to choose that makes all life beautiful, and why I would not give up on any human being.

Perhaps it appears that watching these movies makes no difference to a rational person. People say things like “It’s just a movie, don’t tell me people will watch it and actually go out and rape someone.” They may not, but they may forget to consider the raped person’s point of view. They will not care about the raped person and will do nothing to prevent rape from happening to people either, because some part of them watched it and said it’s ok to watch this and do nothing. What’s more, they’ll tell you seriously, "It’s a part of life, haven’t you seen it on TV all the time?" (Anyone in the news business will tell you, what's on TV is selectively presented, because it happens to be, like anything else, a job.)

I thought American Beauty was awesome when I first saw it, I was in school. The only scene I actually stand by with now is that film Ricky Fitts made on the plastic bag dancing in the breeze. He says, "It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in." And no one, I mean no one in the movie actually lives with that understanding. Ricky Fitts is definitely calm and detached but there is this inner joy that he is still seeking and I hope, in his movie-life, he finds is real.

First Love

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 10:40:58 GMT

(little boy in love): "What better age to be in what better place in the world!"

This movie is so cute!!! Except for the feeling off and on that the narration was a shade more adult than child, Little Manhattan is "aww"dorable.

The first time I had a crush on someone, I was six years old, and he was 12. It was more "love from afar" than anything else, because I only got to see him on the busride to school (we were in different schools) and he was more interested in beating up all the guys in the last row and making fun of well, me and my sister because we went to a girls' school. I actually still know him, which is amazing because I've never lived in a place for more than five years. He was born on the same day as I, the day the wise men followed the star to the stable, and I remember the absolute shock I had one birthday years later when I was back in the city, when we happened to both receive communion side by side from the priest. See, that's the thing: it could sound like the perfect build-up to a romantic movie, but in real life, no way. We see opposite sides of the moon, and I like it that way. I don't know why the heart has to get bruised so many times before it finds the groove, but it's also a lot of fun.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 12:42:42 GMT

...and the cops came running

The cops have come running for random things like being on the beach after midnight (always a little dicey if they’re a little drunk by that time to get through the long watch) but there was one time they came that we got running too.

“Do you remember that time we got sloshed at Red Light? You’d got free drink coupons.”

“No... what is Red light?”

“Oh God, you deserve to be shot. That place near the MF Hussain mural... And we walked around for a bit and then we decided to go sit beside the Jai Maharashtra block letters in that grass enclosure, and a patriotic cop came running out of nowhere and chased us down the road..”

“Oh my God! – and N had his bike though I can’t imagine what he did with it”

“And then the two of them saw that crane and started climbing it but that cop came running again...”

“Hehehehe...”

“And then we lost him and you saw that guy and we started following him because you wanted to say hi, only I think he got nervous and jumped into a cab...”

“I think I did say hi...”

“And then we had nothing to do so we caught a cab to your house and watched late night VH1 until we all fell asleep on the double-bed, I don’t know how we all fit... and we still managed to make it to the 8 a.m. lecture the next day...”

I remember sitting on the curb outside the building that night, listening to Coldplay’s Yellow for the first four times in my life as I couldn’t turn it off. It was the perfect listen because you could soar with it in your spiralled highness.

I think the things we did were obliquely wayward, a mad innocence of adolescence... One time the cops didn’t come running was when another best friend and I decided to jump hostel. We didn’t have an overnight pass and we didn’t want to wait for the warden to fall asleep so that we could sneak out through the front gate, so we sat despairing, until we suddenly noticed that there was scaffolding outside the balconies. The workers had been re-painting the building so we thought why not? We had a couple of good friends on the first floor so we brought our bedsheets (never tell your children fairytales) and twisted it into a rope and tied it to a belt around our jeans and we edged along the scaffolding along the last horizontal row and we jumped from a ledge onto the top of a window and then – here is the reason why I think we have guardian angels – my friend and I realised there was a freefall of about ten feet below us with nothing to hang on to and there was a split-second when I could taste my fear in the silence and we jumped. She landed on her back and I on my bum and Time shuddered for a moment but we got up and waved and as we hotfooted it out the backyard we had to stop for a bit as we were gasping with laughter. “We are never doing that again!”

It wasn’t just the fine wire we walked back then, it was that irreplaceable feeling of nothing can stop us and long discussions about the meaning of life and art and relationships and the world and how all the doors seemed opened for us wherever we turned. And that teetering sense of morality we had in our self-absorption, how in questioning everything we listened to nothing... until we started growing up and forgot our questions for a while....

I think it was our questions that made us real.

I don't long to be back then although it makes for a great laugh sometimes.

I like looking back because I like thinking I was reckless for once. But that wasn't it, because I was always aware of what I was doing. What holds true for me then and now is still the same: make your own rules and you will never look back and think "what if".

Tags the world

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 06:59:21 GMT

A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Respond to the below, then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.

Bold the things that apply to you, add your own, and pass it on.
001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own lots of books.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've tried marijuana.
009. I've watched porn movies.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
013 I have acne free skin.
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I've been told I have a nice butt.
019. I used to carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I'm really, really smart.
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain.
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning (After I brush my teeth).
030. I have semi-long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I have regretted something.
035. I have a twin.
036. I have an obsession with a man.
037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look.
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent.
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
048. I think that I'm popular.
049. I am currently single.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
056. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
057. I'm obsessed with my xanga
058. I don't hate anyone.
059. I'm a pretty good dancer.
060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone.
063. I watch VH1 on a daily basis.
064. I hate football
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
066. I have been hospitalized
067. I enjoy Jack Daniels
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. I've rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone.
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future. (Or be a foster parent if I don't marry)
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I've had the cops called on me before.
074. I bite my nails. (actually, I moreso pick at them)
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have tried alcohol before.
084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
085. I own the "SOUTH PARK" movie.
086. I have avoided assignments to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friend.
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend's ex.
099. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. Had a crush on somebody you have never met
102. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I'm procrastinating on something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
110. I'm obsessed with the tv show "Lost."
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up (only sometimes - and some parts of it)
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think ramen is the best kind of food in the whole world (if by kind of food you mean the cheap kind)
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd.
117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I don't change who I am for someone else.
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I am a Senior in High School.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have gastritis.
124. I have nothing better to do with my time.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Most people call me by my middle name.
127. I once stole a music stand.
128. Pi confuses me.
129. I love NASCAR!
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week. (for about 1/3 of the year)
132. I have had mono.
132. I dont have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
134. I'm only wearing underwear.
135. I had more than one Thanksgiving dinner this year.
136. I've driven to a different state to see a band I like
137. I'm more honest with others than I am with myself
138. I have been addicted to an illegal substance before.
139. I have to pee.
140. I believe everyone has something to show
141. People are inherently evil.
142. Scents trigger vivid memories for me.
143. I like classical music
144. I love Jesus
145. I'm a neat and organized person
146. I had had Bubble Tea--with boba--and loved it.

Your turn...