I dated this guy my Sophomore year of college who made me laugh sometimes but made me cry always. Being naive, I thought I could change him for the better and also prove to him that not all women are heart breakers. In the end, I was more scarred and hurt and he was still the same guy who verbally abused me and made me feel like it was all my fault. Looking back, I see now what those "red flags" are but at the time I chose to ignore them.

Here are a few things a girl/guy can look for that are warning signs of a bad relationship:

• Guilt- They treat you horribly. He/she makes you cry/upset, calls you fat, forces you to diss your friends and at the end of the day blames you for all that has gone wrong. BIG RED FLAG here. HUGE! Get out now while you still have some dignity left.
  
• Controlling- You must have their permission before you do anything, they must always know where you are at all times, and heaven forbid you don't answer the cell phone they made you get or else all hell will break lose. You are a grown person, no one can force you to do anything but you, so if you find yourself in this situation take a step back and see the red flag. It's standing right next to that control freak.
  
• Force- No, Nein, Niet, Non all mean no. It does not mean maybe or yes. It has only one meaning- N-O. So when you say no, for anything not just sex, make sure they get the point. If he/she doesn't understand what you are saying then maybe it's time to either get a translator or put your shoes back on and head back home. Because no one should force you to do anything, especially when it comes to sex. Stick that red flag where it hurts and get out of there fast. 
• Abuse- It can be verbal, physical, psychological, et cetra; abuse is abuse no matter how many ways you slice it. Sometimes it can be hard to recognize. It may start out as a silly fight but then it starts to become the same fight over and over and it even starts to snowball until it is some big scary mass that is about to crush you. Before that devastating moment happens be sure to give that relationship a good hard look in the eye. If you start to see a pattern, best to address it fast. Meaning, if you can't resolve it then leave him/her. You had a life before you met them, you can have a life after them. Trust me, you don't want to be the one on the news missing. He/she isn't worth losing your life. 

These are just a few things to look for and I am sure there are many more. Just remember that the person you are with should love you for who you are. You shouldn't be expected to change the way you are to make someone else happy. If you find yourself doing this then maybe that person isn't meant for you. As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

What are a few Red Flags that you have seen in past relationships? Were you able to resolve the issues or did you find yourself leaving the relationship because of them?

I am a firm believer that your gut knows more than your brain does at times and that experience has taught me this to be true more times than I'd like to count. In the dating world, your gut can save you from a possible horrible date. That is, if you listen to it.

Freshman year of college was coming to a close and I had stumbled upon this guy somewhere along my travels across campus. I had a paper to finish and he stated that if I were to finish it by Friday, the date can be the following night (we had problems confirming a date since I had so much to do in preparation for finals.) As luck would have it, I finished the A+ paper a day earlier than planned and so had a day to prepare instead for the date.

Date night arrives and we meet up in front of my dorm. While walking to the car he comments on how pretty I look and goes to open the door for me. Immediately I think, "such the gentleman." On our way to the restaurant he turns onto a street that was still very unfamiliar to me. Suddenly I am confused. We had agreed on a particular place and this road was not taking us to that place. Once more it was leading to farmland; in other words, out of the city. I grew up in a very small town surrounded by farms and seeing these new surroundings made me a bit uneasy for I was not ready to travel that far. When I asked him why we were taking this route he said, "I thought you would like the scenic route..." in which he then says, "it isn't as if I'm going to rape and kill you."



Oh. My. Lord. I thought I was going to die. The thought didn't even enter my mind until the boy said it and then at that moment all I wanted to do was to jump out of the car and run back to campus. The only thing wrong with that plan was that I was too unfamiliar with the area at that time and so if I had done so I surely would have ended up killed. Keep in mind, I had no cell phone at this time either.

The restaurant was my favorite at the time which is why we went there in the first place. Also, I knew one of the chefs there. My gut told me to talk to my chef friend and find another way home pronto. My brain said, "let's stay put so that we don't upset the guy." I didn't know what to do so I just listened to my brain and "hung in there."

We didn't talk. We just ate. Slowly. Well, I had no appetite and so mine ended up being packed up and then later thrown out. After dinner we drove downtown to see a movie. I made it a point to sit in the row that was in front of a bunch of jock-type guys who I knew would protect me at a moments notice if the situation called for it but fortunately it didn't. The guy tried to hold my hand but I kept inching closer to the seat next to me instead. I don't even remember the movie, I just remember trying to stay away from the guy. Had I owned a cell phone at that time I definitely would have called for a friend to come pick me up, but instead I had to stick it out until the end. Somehow, I made it out alive.

Now granted, the guy probably realized the second after saying that stupid remark that he had doomed the date and I want to say that he didn't mean it. Especially since it was never carried out. However, if I had listened to my gut, I could have avoided the torture of the entire date. I was just so glad to be back in my dorm room where I was safe that I didn't even think to learn something from this until after telling my friends about it. All of them said I should have went to my chef friend the moment we arrived at the restaurant so as to end the date promptly. I just wish I wasn't so ignorant.

You live and you learn. What I learned is that trusting my gut, my instincts, have saved me from more disasters than I can count on two hands.

Ladies and Gents, that feeling is there for a reason. Listen to it.

Have you ever wished that you had trusted your gut while on a date?