Datingish | true stories on the journey from single to *it's complicated*

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Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Premarital Counseling: When is the Right Time?

This post has been submitted anonymously by a Datingish reader.

My mom recently informed me of her friend's daughter's recent break-up with her long-time boyfriend. The reason? After about 5 years of dating seriously (they're now in their late 20's), the couple decided to enroll in premarital counseling before taking the next step, namely, engagement.

Apparently, the premarital counseling sessions revealed major discrepancies in mentalities and values that, in their opinion, were ultimately too deep or serious to resolve. So, with mutual understanding of the circumstance, they peacefully split up.

From this personal account, my mom concluded that all couples who are seriously dating for marriage should do premarital counseling early on, before engagement, so that issues that haven't been considered or dealt with can be addressed and worked through without the looming pressure of a wedding in a few months.

More Here...
Why You Should See The Five Year Engagement

I'm not one to write movie reviews and what not but I thought everyone, especially couples, should see The Five Year Engagement for 3 reasons:

1) It's a RELATIONSHIP movie, not a wedding movie. It's not "OMG!! Cake, flowers, dresses!!" Yes there's some wedding planning in it but it's not all smooth sailing or happy moments. It all gets jumbled around for various reasons. It shows the truth of relationships. Life happens, people change, & plans shift course so it shows how a couple deals with that while on the road to marriage. No cliché swept off her feet, get married in less than 6 months with the perfect wedding in THE perfect dress movie (for once). More Here...
Thoughts on Polyamory

I was talking to a friend the other day about jealousy and polyamory. The idea is certainly appealing. It's hard to believe only one person can complete us so satisfactorily.

He's currently interested in a girl who seems to be interested in everyone. A bit of a free spirit, he says. We got to talking about what makes a person jealous and our natural need for possession. To say "you belong to me and me alone" is a very powerful thing to say to someone and to mutually agree upon with another.

While his jealousy does flair when his love interest talks of sleeping or seeing other men, he hopes to use the connection he has with her to challenge his views on monogamy. Who's to say he's entitled to feel jealous about this woman's love life?
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Losing Your Virginity

I'm 19 and still a virgin (no shame right here). It's not that I'm a prude; I just always felt it should be with someone special. (You can ask my boyfriend--I'm definitely not shy about sexual matters, I just want it to be the right timing.)

Everyone my age has casual random sex and that just seems like an invitation for diseases to me. That and how many pregnancy scares can one girl have before she realizes she should use more protection or just stop having sex?

I mean losing your virginity is supposed to be awkward, right? Why would you do that with a stranger? I'd rather do it with someone I could laugh about it with later. Someone who I could talk it out with and learn how to get better. How do you ever get better or learn good techniques if almost every one of your sexual encounters is with a different guy? More Here...
Why I Think My Crush Likes Me

My Dear Readers,

I noticed a trend in the comment section of my last post. A lot of you commented how my crush showed zero interest and how I should just give up. That was true, in the beginning. The rejection was as harsh as the slamming of the door or in my case, my heart. But, after we resumed our friendship, things began to subtly shift. And so, I present to you my evidence. Bear in mind that all this happened AFTER he rejected me.

1. We were texting intently and all the sudden, it abruptly stopped. He called me to let me know he was sorry, he was working and he hoped he hadn't hurt my feelings.

2. We were hanging out on the last day of finals in a group and he had to leave. He immediately started texting me, I started texting him back in pig Latin since we had all been talking in pig Latin all night. I texted him (in pig Latin, which is very difficult to do, by the way) that I liked him when he was being silly, he texted me back and said (in English) "yes, I am enjoying this."

And yes, the man can speak proficient pig Latin, so he knew exactly what I was saying. At the end of the conversation he wished me a good night in German and I wished him a good night in Spanish. It definitely had a very flirty, silly undertone.
More Here...

Monday, 21 May 2012

Why Do You Still Bother Me?

So I broke up with my ex approximately 6 months ago and I have a new boyfriend now who I am totally happy with (backstory). I don't regret breaking up with my ex at all because life was miserable with him. But why then does it hurt when I look at the Facebook page of my ex? We were together for 3 years so I know I'm not supposed to be able to completely forget him, I just don't understand why it bothers me so much to see what he's up to.

Have any of you experienced this too?
Skype Sex: Are You Into It?

Skype is sexy technology. Initially created as a free long distance calling device, our generation is exploiting Skype in a way our love-letter-writing grandparents would blush at. Long distance relationships can suck, and Skype can really numb the heartache. But does 24-hour access ruin the romance of being appart, and mute the joy of being together again?

Long distance doesn’t feel so long distance when the one you want is only a webcam away. Long distance relationships got a bit of an image makeover when Skype came along: in a good way. Who cares if you live your lives with a 12-hour time difference? If you’re sleeping when they’re awake you can leave your laptop on and wait for the delicious Skype calling sound to wake you up. More Here...
Why Couples Look Alike

Have you ever wondered why couples look alike? A new scientific study has the answer. More Here...
How Do You Vent?

Maybe so and so just sent you a really nasty text message. Maybe he ignored your calls. Maybe she stood you up. Maybe he said something stupid. Maybe she cheated on you. Maybe your best friend is moving across the country to live with someone. Maybe you're splitting up with your SO.

Whatever it is life throws at us, we often try to get the overwhelmingly powerful emotions out of our system.

I'll often resort to writing out all of my thoughts in order to maybe make sense of whatever situation I may find myself in. If it's so dire I feel my apartment is caving in on me, I'll go for a nice drive along the coast. If I really want comfort and distraction, I bury my nose in the Harry Potter series.

What are your ways of venting?

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Giving Up the One You Love?

I have a sort of dilemma. It stems mostly from the fact that I'm 18 and have a strong potential to be engaged soon.

I just started college this year, and there's this guy, we'll call him "A", and he and I have a bit of past. We dated my junior year of high school, broke up when our religions clashed and he got to possessive of me, and we didn't speak for a year. He always treated me well, except he would get moody if I didn't do what he wanted (like sit by his side at the beach instead of swim, or stand near the wall instead of dance at prom), and he would get incredibly jealous if I talked highly of another guy (such as one of my many good guy friends).
More Here...
Pushing for the Truth & Disrespect

I got really upset today. More upset than I've been in a long time. Normally when that happens, I like to write about it to get it out of my system. So I guess that's what I'm going to do now.

Anyway, tonight I was at dinner at my neighbors' house with my parents, my girlfriend, and my neighbors who are my parents' age. My family does stuff with them often, so it wasn't a big deal. It was also the first time that my neighbors were meeting my girlfriend. Things were going well for a while. We had some good food, played with their puppy, and had a good time. However, I started getting upset when my dad started asking my girlfriend how we met. More Here...
Who Was Your First Kiss?

I really enjoy reading all of your stories on who your first crushes and loves have been. I thought I'd continue the little series of firsts with kisses.

I remember my first kiss was with a friend. We had just finished watching a movie and were sitting on the bed cross-legged and talking. He suggested we play this game where he will say something true about the room and I have to say it's false.

He knew I'd eventually lose and tell him that yes, the walls are in fact an off-white. The deal was that if I lost, I'd have to kiss him. There we are sitting on the bed and I leaned over to give him a kiss. Very Sixteen Candles... and dorky.

Who was your first kiss? How did it happen?

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