The other night I was watching the movie
The Devil Wears Prada, which is another movie that I love. Yes, I know I watch a lot of movies, girly ones at that. As much as I love the movie, though, there is one aspect of it that bothers me to no end. In the movie,
Anne Hathaway's character, Andy, and her boyfriend seem to have a great relationship... up until she really starts focusing on her career.
Not only does her boyfriend begin to treat her differently, but so do her friends. There is one scene in which she is getting a phone call from her boss and all her friends begin passing around her phone and laughing so that she cannot pick up. In another scene, Andy is late coming home on her boyfriend's birthday and he is completely unforgiving. Now I get it, birthdays are important and her job was taking over a lot of her time.
What I don't understand is how her boyfriend was unsupportive throughout the entire movie it seemed. He made snide remarks when she changed the way she dressed and didn't understand why she put so much time and energy into her work.
I, for one, could never be with someone who does not support me in everything I do, especially when it comes to my career. I felt almost as though Andy had to choose between her career and her love life, which is a choice I don't think anyone should have to make. This part of the movie actually makes me so upset every time I watch it. A relationship is supposed to be about two people supporting each other in every part of their lives. Sure, it is also about compromise, but I don't think a person should have to regret the career choices they make in order to make their partner happy.
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you had to choose between your career and your relationship?Image source.
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Comments (39)
I agree with what you're saying, but I think you might be slightly mistaken in why the boyfriend was upset. He wasn't just upset because she was excelling at her new job and pouring more energy into it--he felt she was giving up her former ideals of being a serious journalist for being a less-serious, (in his eyes) superficial "fashionista", and he didn't respect that change. He felt she was becoming one of "them", however wrong he might have been to think that.
I have not seen that movie to correctly analyze all the characters, however, in regards to your question...I would never choose a love life over a career. And if someone made me do that I'd be telling them unless I see them being able to pay all my bills and afford everything I want to do when I want, I'm not giving up my job. Nothing is ever permanent, at least with a job, you don't have to necessarily rely on a spouse for income if the relationship goes sour. In fact, because my love life is virtually nonexistent, I tend to keep myself busy WITH my jobs. May as well make some money to pay off crap faster instead of lounging around and doing nothing since I don't have someone to spend my nights with.
@Jenny_Wren@xanga - I agree with this statement. It wasn't about her success, it
was about her not being true to herself. It is one thing to put time and effort into your career it is another thing to lose yourself to that career.
I wouldn't sacrifice my career for love. I'd find away to balance both.
Someone who is career minded is okay to date for me. But a line is crossed if they are stuck to their phone or tablet all day long and work 24/7. There have to be limits to work life. I read an article in the USA Today about how relationships are suffering due to always having to be plugged in. For me, the job begins at 8 and ends at 5, though a rare exception can be made. This is why I highly doubt I could marry a CEO.
I agree with what you are saying, but as a woman, we will always have to choose. It's a very, very sad fact of life.
omg did you see the heels anne hathaway wore in batman? a chick with fashion sense like that is to fucking DIE for. <3
i think i had a boner through that whole movie.
I have issues with my boyfriend's job... because it involves him travelling for up to months at a time. I hate myself for making him chose, but in the long run he knows he will have to. Forget getting calls at the dinner table- he wont even be AT the dinner table! Some careers are just not condusive to a lasting relationship. Like being a personal asistant to the world's biggest diva (in your movie example) but I also kind of agree with the first comment... the guy in the movie seemed to be very understanding of the time-consuming aspect of her job (except on his birthday) but moreso saddened because he felt like the girl he loved was turning into someone else, someone who he wouldn't have chosen for himself.
Although I STRONGLY agree about how upsetting the scene was where her friends took her phone. She had just given them nice presents curtesy of her great new job, and they turn around and tease her about it. It's a good movie to those who have not seen it! I hate chick flicks and saw it only as a favor to my friend who didn't want to go alone... and absolutely loved it.
To me, relationships come and go. I rather stick to career (that is, if it's worth it).
@MzKeekz@xanga - Yep, exactly. If you work hard at a career you may be promoted. When one works hard in a relationship, that often times left me feeling unappreciated.
I'm a pre k teacher's assistant & in school for early childhood education. My mother says stupid stuff like "your art projects & preschoolers won't keep you warm at night."
True, mother dearest, but I refuse to work less often/hard to MAYBE find some guy who could potentially just fuck up my life anyhow.
In the end, my job makes me happy. If there's some guy out there who can ALSO make me happy, he's gonna have to share my life with my job. It got there first ; )
Well spoken! I remember feeling the exact same way when watching this movie. Really great way to introduce this topic too :)
I think it is a balance, sometimes it is hard to watch someone change what makes them unique for something that is hard to understand. At the same time in this movie "Andy" was trying to climb her way into another industry and needed the support through what turned out to be a blood thirsty industry.
Love the post@openly_honest_166@xanga - Thank you :) Yes, I do understand how Andy's boyfriend may have thought she was turning into someone else and not being true to herself, but nonetheless she needed his support and that is what relationships are all about.
I havent been in that situation yet. But it seems to be common with nurses. A lot of my friends have had break ups because of the odd and extensive hours.
I think if it really matters your SO should support you. Especially if you want to pursue this relationship into marriage.
In the movie, he was against who she was turning into. He loved how she was her own person and didn't buy into all this material bullshit. I believe she was against all that that she was becoming. That is why he wasn't supportive because she was changing. He didn't support her change into a materialistic bitch who loved brand names and all. Makes sense to me. Did you miss that part? I am sure he would have supported it if she hadn't changed so drastically. Anyway, I agree. People should support their loved ones when trying to achieve a career. I think couples should just support one another in general though.
@Semper_medusa@xanga - So true. Or more like career vs motherhood/wife.
if someone cares about you, the person will find some spare time no matter how busy the person is. usually sexting my bf will keep him smiling. some are easier to please than others. maybe andy's bf expects her to physically show up at his bday party. if she shows up every year and throws him a party as if it is a tradition, then doesn't show up one year, then I see why he would be upset. did andy feel bad or attempt to make up for it later? if not, then I see why he's unforgiving. at least show some effort and concern. if she's become so self absorbed and neglects his feelings, then that's a problem. although she can say that he is neglecting her feelings by being unsupportive of her career. however, I don't buy it that she can't even spare a few minutes to sext him lol if that's not her thing, then there are other ways to express that she's been thinking about him. it depends on the situation and how extreme it is. if one person feels so neglected that it is like not being in a relationship since the other person is acting so selfish, then that's a big problem. I like driven people. I'd rather date the workaholic than the one that lays around the couch. but if the person knows their career takes up so much time and they don't have much time for a relationship, then why even be in one
for some people, it can work. it depends if there is good balance, time management and communication. I haven't had to choose, but I currently have a good job, a bf, and lots of sexy crushes from work. they are all so tempting that I don't know which one I would choose as the priority over the other
I'll have them all
but I'd choose my job because not just anybody will be accepted. a bunch of super hot elite men work here. some hot women. you have to have the skills and also know an insider
or connections. if my bf breaks up with me for some reason, then there's all of my crushes
I'm mostly saying this because my bf got on my bad side lately, not that I really have a "good" side lol so I'm currently favoring work
the bunny wears devil ears^^
@xinq@xanga - I could respect the opinion of someone who spoke about the fulfillment of a career or what they'd like to achieve. The only thing you discuss here, though, is money. How much support could you expect from someone for an undertaking where the only thing you find worth discussing is how much cash you have to spend on yourself? You even say that you'd pick career over a relationship UNLESS he can "afford everything I want to do when I want." Do you really not see what self-absorbed, materialistic statements you've made here?
@Erika_Steele@xanga - The most intelligent answer here. Well-put.NOTHING should always come first in a well-balanced life.
@Semper_medusa@xanga - It never ceases to amaze me how much being an "independent, strong woman" seems to entail crying "victim" all the time. I work in an academic department full of women with both careers and relationships spanning decades. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and figure out how to make life work.
@ShirleyD@xanga - Very well-put. I also notice your response is the only one that mentions mutually supporting one anothers' careers. There's a level of self-absorption to most of these responses that presents relationship troubles unrelated to careers.
The reason I'm so adamant about this post is that I've been called one of those unsupportive men - and it was B.S. I was in a long-distance relationship where I completely reconfigured my career in order to move to her city. That was fine with her. Throughout I not only supported her career verbally, and never complained about time and space needed to take care of it, I even helped out with her work projects. When the attempts at re-location appeared to be falling through, and that I was simply going to end up with a better job somewhere else away from her, I actively discouraged all her talk of moving to be with me because I thought her city was best for her career. Instead I wanted to discuss how we could make the relationship we were going to have work. She kept up with talk of moving - UNTIL things fell through for real. Then within one day she was telling what I'd been saying all along, she can't move because of her career. I broke up with her shortly after that, NOT because she didn't move, but because empty talk on her part, and refusing to deal with realities had been a consistent problem in our relationship and she was continuing it during a make-or-break period of our relationship. However, from the time we broke up she ignored everything about the support I'd given her and I became, "The guy who broke up with me because I wouldn't sacrifice my career for him." Point of the story - People can balance work and relationships. It's just easier to point a finger at someone else than to acknowledge that you've done things to screw up a relationship.
@Cancerous_Sagittarius@xanga - Nope, I don't. I just see me having many bills that no guy is going to pay off for me except for me. I don't find that self-absorbed at all, just practical. I'm not a moocher, yet that makes me self-absorbed, hahaha, right. Me not wanting to use other people's money for my own needs and wants somehow makes me "self-absorbed," WOW. Best hater comment I've seen all year. With men complaining about women being gold diggers all the time on here, you'd think you'd appreciate someone more that doesn't want to use a man's money. Whatever, though. Oh and, hun, I don't have to worry about this situation because I haven't ran into a man who's worth giving up a career. Most if not all are dirt bags that I've dealt with so I will have no issues with this. :)
@Cancerous_Sagittarius@xanga - Who are you by the way? Coming in here all high and mighty analyzing everyone?? What makes you the topper of all comments? You are the one that comes off the most self-absorbed yet you don't even realize it because you hold yourself on the highest pedestal of comments. You come off as very condescending, know-it-all, and think you know "best" for everyone's situation. Yet in reality, you have no clue about anything I've been through in my life to properly judge.
@Cancerous_Sagittarius@xanga - The real definition of self-absorbed is what you display. You might want to look in the mirror for that. You may have good intentions for people on here when you comment, but you have a very condescending tone thinking you know everything, when really you don't. And I despise people like you on here who type that way.
Can't have love w/o money.