So money shouldn't be able to buy love, but is that really true? This has always been a topic I've pondered about.
A couple years ago, I traveled to a third world country to help out some less privileged families. A lot of these houses were tin shanties: simple, but clean. I knew poverty, and I knew that these people didn't have much. I had seen pictures, and I had been informed about where exactly I'd be sleeping prior to the trip. I was on board for the trip, though. I took clothes for these people, cookies, and just random "everyday" items.
Although I knew exactly what to expect, nothing in my life has ever compared to that experience. We all know what poverty looks like, and we all know that we don't want it. We try our best just so we can spend a dime on a new iPhone, or maybe on that new pair of heels we saw at the store. I honestly wonder if people really know how privileged they are anymore; just having electricity or a sturdy house is a huge blessing. Prior to this trip, I had never in my life met people who have been so grateful for slightly over sized t-shirts, or a carton of milk - or so polite and graceful!
People are always saying that money doesn't matter when it comes to love, and even before my experience with poverty, I had to disagree. I wasn't sure if I was just being highly vain, spoiled, or a downright terrible human. It seems wrong to think that money would matter, but in the end, I think it's a huge deciding factor. I love the people I met on my trip who lived in that county, but I could never marry one of those people. Now, I think it's obvious that someone of the upper-middle class would not go marry a person in the lower class, but my question is when does money become a deciding factor?
I personally could give up many things to be with someone I think I truly loved and loved me, but when it would come down to compromising my lifestyle completely? I don't know. I read an article that says 30% of divorces in America are because of money related issues.
Does the amount of money your significant other has matter to you, and if so, in what situations?
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When I think of money buying one love it would be someone wooing a person by buying them things, expensive dinners, and just throwing their money at a person. Can't make the date? I'll buy you a new purse to make up for it! ... kinda situations.
I think financial stability is important to any lasting relationship because the last thing a relationship needs is money issues. If the water isn't running because who ever was supposed to pay it was too broke, that's an issue! Anyway, for some people, money is everything. Just look at those brides bought over seas. For me, I just need someone who is smart with money like me so we are never broke and can afford to do things. =)Money shouldn't be the only factor in relationships, but if anyone says that money doesn't matter, then they are lying. Money isn't something that should be overlooked, because in the real world, you have to have money in order to get by. I'm not saying that people need to be millionaires or even break 100k per year to get by -- I'm saying that people should be financially competent. People should know how to only spend within their limits. People should know when to actually put themselves into debt (i.e., taking out a loan to invest in a house) or when to hold off on big purchases (i.e., you wanting to buy an expensive, fancy couch when your current one is fine, but you just want something prettier, and on top of that, you have a huge credit card debt already). If you are with someone who cannot control their own finances, then it could be severely detrimental for you in the long run, and I don't blame anyone who wants to leave their SO because they could not control their finances.
@Asinine_Dreams@xanga - Money doesn't matter to me in a relationship and I'm not lying, so clearly you're wrong.
Nearly everything about a person's lifestyle matters to SOME degree... and I know more than one female who will frankly admit they don't look for any romantic partner who makes less than six digits annually.
I think you are toying around the edges of the idea that marriage is supposed to somehow make the two people engaged in it "more happy". I think this is a good thing, and a fruitful view of marriage. For many of us, being "more happy" and being "poorer" are almost direct antonyms. Sure, the relationship may not be perfectly inverse, but certainly strongly correlated in that direction. A marriage that makes us happy must fit within our larger schema of "lifestyle that we would enjoy", and for many of us, myself included, a tin hut will not do the trick, no matter how enchanting the wench who inhabits it. That's not unreasonable, nor does it make you anti-love... it is just, in my opinion, a slightly more mature view of what you want from the world, and an acknowledgment of the fact that no matter how perfect your partner, they really won't fulfill every need you have just by merely being present.
I think money is a factor in a relationship, among several other factors, with the other factors ranking higher than one's income. I think how one manages their money matters more than how much one makes. Clearly, if a person who makes a modest income but owns a $75,000 car and sleeps on his friend's couch is not a good position for your significant other to be in.
@IcECaT123@xanga - Better, not necessary.
I think as others have said, financial stability is important. It isn't the only factor but it would be hard to overlook the fact that my potential SO had a mountain of debt, especially if I didn't, and I'm sure they would feel the same. You want to live the most comfortable life possible and that's understandable to me. Like you said, no one wants to live in poverty and some people don't even realize how bad poverty gets. My mom's side of the family mostly live in Panama and a good chunk still live in the country where they are lucky enough to have clothes and food, but things like a cell phone, basic plumbing, or televisions are unheard of. That's pretty much for rich people or retired Americans who relocate there. As much as I love my family and go visit them when I can, I wouldn't want that life for myself because I'm comfortable with the life I live here.
On a final note, I think it's a wonderful thing you did going overseas and helping other people you don't even know.
I fell in love with my husband for the wonderful man that he is, and money had nothing to do with it.
I didn't care what he could buy me, or what he had. I cared that he loved me.
So no, money can buy you a lot of things, but love isn't one of them.
@babybug329@xanga - I totally agree
Money is the most important aspect of life (in my opinion at least). It won't directly buy you what you want in life, but it'll sure buy you the opportunities to them.
money becomes relevant in the new society, when it becomes a limiting factor. basically, i can't do x because you do y. it becomes a 'drag' (or a drain) when the expenses are generally one way with one partner overspending his or her earning, and the other person being disempowered and forced to pickup the slack.
in a traditional sense, money mattered in the attraction of men to women. it represented a manifestation of esteem/status. it was age version 2.0 women still have a tendency to have complexs/double-standards where they both want to be paid as much as their guy, but also want the guy they are with to be of higher pay grade and as such someone worth bragging about as a possession. it increased social rank within a group of women. this doesn't hold as true anymore, with the much upper classes valuing intelligence more than aesthetics now. that is, there is a better coefficient of esteem from having Einstein want to be with you than someone who isn't a demigod.
the difficulty is that we don't really have a multi-culture, but an inconsistent culture. we both have ideas of (human) ownership from tradition, but also have economic notions divorced from that tradition. and we have different types of esteem being used by different groups creating a double standard. like; christians are anti-greed but capitalists are pro greed; and feminists seem to hold many traditional engendered ideas about entitlement and privilege- while more mainstream notions about equality and equivalency divorce themselves from all those ideas.
and all of those, and more, play a role in who we want to partner with: 'will my friends like the partner?' 'will my partner like my friends?' 'will i be seen as better, worse, or the same by my friends?' 'will this person help me socially with other groups? is the person's company a credit to me? are they an asset?' 'will the person help me become better or worse?' 'will the person be sufficient as far as i know 'em to be?' 'will the person help me get what i want?' (this question is far to over emphasized by culture though)
the answers reached will tell you a bit about your philosophical leanings/association. it isn't really a matter of when or what the limit of money is, because that will be a shifting scale which will slide as your income does. but what will be a tad more consistent will be finding out why you care about money, and what it represents to you. it still will change with circumstance but in more expected/predictable manners.
...PS. being unfortunate will make you both nicer, and a better- more ethical person. you have less pressure to be rich/content without sufficient wealth for superfluous spending, but often still feel the need to use it. unfortunate people give much greater proportions of their wealth to the needy than the wealthy. if you feel like you are out earning your partner is cause you deserve someone better, and your partner feels similarly, you can donate a year's salary of your own and 'rough' it solely on one partner's income forcing you to be dependent. it might work.
@IcECaT123@xanga - @T3hZ10n@xanga - I'm a girl ;) But indeed you are correct. I'm not talking about money in terms of how much someone makes but rather how someone handles their earnings.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - what's something you'd rate as more necessary ?
The statement itself has a lot of factors. There's a big difference between shying away from someone who isn't financially stable verses being with someone for a long time, falling on hard times and then deciding not to be with them anymore. I don't think money can buy love per say but the lack of it can certainly break it. In my experience it's a lot easier to lose love than to gain it. You have to have money to have a decent living but I think it's also important to remember, much as the OP stated, that if you have shoes on your feet, a roof over your head and food enough to not be hungry, you are doing a lot better than most people in the world. Those that don't have these things still find ways to couple and have offspring so there must be more to it than finances, otherwise eventually there would be little to no poverty anywhere and we all know that isn't the case. Of course, we also know that love and having children don't always go together either so even that statement isn't so simple but you get the general idea.
Can money buy happiness, can it buy love? At a base level I don't think so, but it definitely gives you more and better opportunities for such things and certainly makes the ride a lot easier. In the end it really shouldn't matter as I feel that people should be judged by their value as a person, by character and integrity and not their income or how much money they have in the bank, how nice their house, car or yard is or how much stuff they have.
if I'm living with a s.o., I won't pay his half of the rent/utilities and other shared expenses. if we dine out and take turns paying, then that's different. but expensive things like rent/mortgage will not be tolerated. some don't mind paying more or all of it, but that's for them to discuss and decide. as for me, I work hard for my money, so he should earn his own, too. I prefer if we live separately anyway. I won't let him stay at my place long term free either. it would be like dating a homeless guy. no, thanks. I prefer dating ambitious people. he doesn't have to be rich, just pay for his own stuff. when I feel taken advantage of and in this case, financially, then it becomes an issue. I'm a person, not a bank account. I'm not rich either, so if he wants to mooch off of me, then he should be ashamed of himself. even if I was rich, I wouldn't easily pay for other people. my money is mine. if he wants to be my pet, then I might pay for him
I'll be in control and he'll willingly agree to be enslaved to me and do as I say
his dignity will be mine!!!!
@Asinine_Dreams@xanga - How a person handles their earnings directly depends on how much that person earns.
@IcECaT123@xanga - A desire to be with the person.
If money can't buy you love but a lack thereof (regardless of whether it is a result of overspending, etc.) can prevent it, it's the same damn thing.
Money can't buy love, plain and simple. Money can buy company, a good night, a relationship, a one night stand, sure. But not love.
Relationships fall apart when one or both doesn't know how to budget/spend correctly, or when one thinks they're entitled to the other's money simply because they're a couple or married. And it's not usually because they can't buy the latest iPhone or something.. For example, my boyfriend is a little lazy when it comes to finding a job, and at the moment it doesn't matter to me. The economy sucks, no one wants to work a job they hate and he has enough money to get by and still takes me out every now and again, so considering we've only been dating 3 months and don't really have more immediate plans, everything is ok. However, if he wanted to live together, I would expect him to have a job so I know that together we'll be able to afford a place. If he didn't want to get a job and, as a result, our relationship was at a standstill, I would probably break up with him. Technically it would be over money, but in the long run it's more about maturity and willingness to give as well as take.
Money certainly isn't everything but it is certainly a factor. Society and the media has beat it into people that the awful "gold digger" is something men should avoid and women should strive to be the antitithesis of. Unfortunately this has been expanded to far. A person's earning potential should not be a the only factor when considering the suitability of a mate just like if a man is over 6'2 or has 6 pack abs shouldn't be the only factor. But those things can and should one of many factors. However, many people are under the false impression that if you consider earning potential then you are somehow shallow or not really in love. Think about it. If a woman said " I won't date a man who earns less than 6 figures" , she would be branded as a shallow gold digger. But if a woman said, " I won't date a man less than 6'2 " we'd all be fine with that. Very silly, they are both what we would qualify as superficial.
A persons earning power says a lot about them. If we subtract trust fund fund babies we can a assume that a person with high earning potential is driven, has a good work ethic and is responsible. These are legitimate and desirable traits to want in a partner. Nothing wrong with that. On an instinctual basis we want someone who can protect and help us raise a family. In the old days this was the strong alfa-male type. Now that would be the guy who earns a good living.
So no money isn't everything. However, living a comfortable life without having to worry about going without the things you want and/or need is very important and it should be.
@Voltaire - "A persons earning power says a lot about them."
Bullshit. It says a lot about their circumstances. Either be objective or don't be. This in between shit that people spin for their respective personal
advantages is ridiculous, especially when coming from someone whose
spelling and grammar power says a lot about them.
"...expanded to[o] far."
"A person[']s earning power..."
"If we subtract trust fund fund babies..."
"...we can a assume that a person..."
"In the old days this was the strong alfa-male [alpha male] type."
Should we say 5 strikes and you're an idiot unworthy of commenting if it's fair to say a person is immature with how they spend their money and isn't worthy of a given individual? Oh, but this is Datingish and it doesn't matter, right? Maybe it's because it's just this one external circumstance that results in you choosing to not spell properly and doesn't attest to how motivated or mature you are as a person?
Information that is not used objectively is not objective information. Choosing a partner is the one thing that should not be done objectively because you're not going to fully appreciate the person for who they are separate from how what they are stands to benefit you. If you are using information about the person (e.g. their income and how they choose to spend it, their observable characteristics, etc.) for your own personal advantage you are judging them subjectively based on what they are(n't) to you.
If you are truly responsible for creating your own happiness, the other person's qualities should be irrelevant.
Behaviorism is intrinsically flawed in that you can't see your own flawed behavior if you're busy observing someone else's.
http://t3hz10n.xanga.com/770055102/on-the-inside-looking-out/
http://youtu.be/nS246KKU5Dw
My family has always been dirt poor, to put it bluntly. I'm 17, and in my life, I have learned to enjoy the little things. I'm never demanding about gifts. I never ask for anything for Christmas or my birthday, really. As I got older, I just sort of stopped caring and realized that material things aren't everything. I'm grateful for my tiny apartment and my loving family who struggle just to get me into college. I'm always eternally grateful; I've never cared about money. My boyfriend has been struggling to find a job for several months, and he's in debt, but I don't ever hassle him. It's hard enough for both of us in this crazy life, both alone and together, so I just let him deal with it and I let myself focus on my life. Money isn't real. Let it go. Love is the only thing that matters. I don't care if we live in a damn tent, I'll love my boyfriend for who he is and not what he has.
girls who make too much money are (generally) unattractive to me. it's not for the same reason most guys have though: i just think that it's a sign of money-hungry-ness.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I don't follow your thinking, if a woman went to school or even if she didn't, and found a way to live comfortably and live as she pleases, that's a turn off? Can you explain further? Don't get me wrong, I'm far from lavishing in luxury (although wouldn't we all like to be one day) but I would think that most people would like to be with a self-sufficient SO that they wouldn't have to pick up their (financial) slack. I would also think it showed her ambition and drive, or at the very least, her passion in the field she worked in.
This is the first time I've heard of it being a turn off so I'm curious. I've heard it's intimidating if a woman makes *more* money than her SO, but I've never heard it stated the way you've put it. But again, can you explain why it's a turn off?
Money can't buy you love, but it can my you security, comfort, and status. A lot of people love those things.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - LOL you are such an idiot. You totally got me because of my typos. I'm an uneducated minimum wage loser who lives in his mom's basement who is on SSDI. Oh wait.... That is your story.
Successful people worked hard to get where they are. Only lazy idiots like you claim it is solely due to their circumstances. Yeah sure the reason you dont have a good job or income is because you didnt have the same opportunities. Keep telling yourself that otherwise the truth would probably crush you.
Your mate's qualities have everything to do with your happiness. It is the person you are spending your time with and relying upon.