Friday, 01 February 2013
This post was submitted by Amayrani.
First off, I'm bisexual. I know some don't agree with same-sex couples, but this is not the point of my post. I fell hard for a girl during my senior year. She was a junior at the time and she's bisexual as well. At first I didn't think anything of her, but one day, I started falling for her and can't pin-point the reason why. I began feeling something I had never felt before. I mean, I had other crushes, but nothing like her. I couldn't stop thinking of her... I started falling in "love." However, I don't know if you can call this love because we never talked. It was simply based on physical appearance.
I saw her every day in the hallways while we each walked to class. I attended theater and she had dance, so sometimes our classes collided for certain events, which means I got to see her on a few other occasions outside of just hallways. Sometimes I saw her outside of school as well. I don't know what it was but her smile, her voice and everything else about her just made me feel butterflies inside. A nervous feeling. Everything at once. For the love of my life I wanted to talk to her, but I just couldn't.
I tried so many times to forget about her, but I couldn't because all I thought of was her. Even when I knew I had to forget about her I couldn't let go. I tried to ignore looking at her at first, but I just couldn't because all I wanted was to look into her eyes... and every time I did I just wanted to tell her what I felt for her. I never did tell her and I tried writing a letter, but I never gave it to her because I was afraid. I don't know if it was just me, but I had a feeling she felt the same by the way she looked at me.
I guess she always gave me mixed signals, but I don't think she was dating anybody at the time. I'm not going to lie, I did the same because for some reason, sometimes when I like someone, I try to hide it but instead of hiding it I feel like I'm giving the other person the feeling that I hate them. I don't know if this makes any sense but anyways, I still cant forget about her and I think it's because I left things unsaid.
The thing is, like I said, we never talked and I haven't seen her in about 6 months (since I graduated). I still feel like I'm not over her. I still can't forget her. I don't want to feel hopeless because I don't know if she ever thought of me.
What if she already has a boyfriend/girlfriend and I'm right here stupidly thinking about her? Is it normal? Am I just crazy? stupid? Is this even love, or a stupid crush? Maybe I'm obsessed with this girl.
Is it time for me to forget and will it pass?