Friday, 01 February 2013
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A Crush, Love or Obsession?
This post was submitted by Amayrani.
First off, I'm bisexual. I know some don't agree with same-sex couples, but this is not the point of my post. I fell hard for a girl during my senior year. She was a junior at the time and she's bisexual as well. At first I didn't think anything of her, but one day, I started falling for her and can't pin-point the reason why. I began feeling something I had never felt before. I mean, I had other crushes, but nothing like her. I couldn't stop thinking of her... I started falling in "love." However, I don't know if you can call this love because we never talked. It was simply based on physical appearance.
I saw her every day in the hallways while we each walked to class. I attended theater and she had dance, so sometimes our classes collided for certain events, which means I got to see her on a few other occasions outside of just hallways. Sometimes I saw her outside of school as well. I don't know what it was but her smile, her voice and everything else about her just made me feel butterflies inside. A nervous feeling. Everything at once. For the love of my life I wanted to talk to her, but I just couldn't.
I tried so many times to forget about her, but I couldn't because all I thought of was her. Even when I knew I had to forget about her I couldn't let go. I tried to ignore looking at her at first, but I just couldn't because all I wanted was to look into her eyes... and every time I did I just wanted to tell her what I felt for her. I never did tell her and I tried writing a letter, but I never gave it to her because I was afraid. I don't know if it was just me, but I had a feeling she felt the same by the way she looked at me.
I guess she always gave me mixed signals, but I don't think she was dating anybody at the time. I'm not going to lie, I did the same because for some reason, sometimes when I like someone, I try to hide it but instead of hiding it I feel like I'm giving the other person the feeling that I hate them. I don't know if this makes any sense but anyways, I still cant forget about her and I think it's because I left things unsaid.
The thing is, like I said, we never talked and I haven't seen her in about 6 months (since I graduated). I still feel like I'm not over her. I still can't forget her. I don't want to feel hopeless because I don't know if she ever thought of me.What if she already has a boyfriend/girlfriend and I'm right here stupidly thinking about her? Is it normal? Am I just crazy? stupid? Is this even love, or a stupid crush? Maybe I'm obsessed with this girl.
Is it time for me to forget and will it pass?
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Comments (18)
this just sounds like a simple obsession, but maybe there's a good reason behind it. some people just have strong physical chemistry with each other, and that could be part of why you felt so strongly about her, even though you didn't know her. the only way you can get over it would be to try and get in contact with her. who knows, maybe she felt the same. you'll never know unless you try :) good luck!
It's a crush and when you're young, romantic feels can be very intense so it can seem like an obsession(you can thank your teenage hormones for that) . Pretty normal for high school and it will pass once you go to college. I realize high school and college was a long time ago for me but I do remember worrying so much about trying to get the attention of the girls I like with little luck. With age, I've learned that if you approach a girl/guy you like and just treat them like you would anyone else you would like to be friends with, it becomes pretty easy. It gets better as you get older =)
If only I knew how little my stupid mistakes of highschool would never matter, I could have gone for a lot more victories.... Things only seem intense the closer they are to the moment. It all becomes a memory, one day. And there is no reason to regret anything. You can't lose anything you don't put on the table, of course, you can't win anything either. Don't learn from others mistakes. Maybe you're the one that does it right, and is a hero for everyone.... If you lose someone over confused feelings, it wasn't what you thought it was, and will find a better.
i have to add my vote to crush, and what is a crush other than a simple romantic obsession?
i had sexual feelings for other women on and off throughout my life, but tended to stay involved with men. it's only been recently that i've begun pursuing a same-sex relationship, so i can't say a lot on the topic, but what i can say is this: love is love, and desires are desires, not matter who is the object of affection.
What does it matter what you call it?
I've told my crushes my feelings before. I haven't told many, just two. one from high school when I was a teen and one from work. after I told them, I wanted to crawl somewhere and hide when they were around
one flirted with me back afterwards and one didn't. I broke even
it was scary at first, but when I found out that my crush likes me, too, it was exciting. he seemed very flattered that a younger female has a crush on him. I think it is a combo of lust, obsession, and admiration for his other characteristics aside from sexual things. everything about him turns me on
when he was standing near me, omg! he smelled good, too. he didn't have any cologne on. I think it was his pheromone scent
I become shy when he looks my way
when he talks to me, although for a short amount of time, zomg...I can't help but giggle, because it feels surreal! I see him smiling when he's talking to me, so that's very good
he looked me straight in the eyes one time
he's so cute
UGHHHH...I want him badly
but I can't because he's not available. I really want a bite of that forbidden apple!
he's like the caramel candy apple that I want to lick
so you either make the move or wonder and suffer. or you can take the chance and then know but maybe still suffer if you can't have him. I felt a sigh of relief when I told him although it didn't turn out the way that I expected. you win some and you lose some. I can still be friends with him; a friend that I highly adore and wish that he was mine. it isn't a secret anymore since I told him. the tease is unbearable yet I love it
I think you should try to look her up and settle how you feel. The "what if" feeling is the worst you'll ever come across. It doesn't matter what you call it but telling her and finding out how she feels is important, IMO. You said she's bisexual, right? Find out if she's interested. Do you have her number, address, facebook? Get in touch. Ask to hang out. Go to the park. Movies. It's not easy for LGBT people to find love, even today. Don't give up on this opportunity. I'm telling you from
experience.Even if she
shoots you down... you won't regret it. It's worth knowing how she feels.
You have other problems to deal with. Holding on to this crush isn't normal and you probably sense or know that. Why is this there? Who is she to you? She represents some sort of unmet need. You almost know that too probably. Figure out what you missed out on in your earleir years that you've never really gotten for your satisfaction. Is she somehow bringing that up in you? Is she someone that looks like you can dominate or be dominated by and love it? You ought to do this for yourself. Its something to do with a passion and its been repressed perhaps. I'd guess you are best of to figure this out before you ask her out. Otherwise something just won't click and you'll be off your game whatever that may be.
Well, I had this issue on more than one occasion, and I swear I regret every single one because I really wish I did something about it. When I was in 10th grade, I had this huge crush on my gym teacher. I knew just by instinct (or call me crazy) that he felt something for me back, and I would always find him at andom ass places where I'd be even though he had no business being there (for instance, he was a gym teacher, and I frequently saw him on the third floor where I had most of my classes). Our eyes would meet and I'd feel like there were unspoken words, and he gave me a whooping 98 for my gym grade even though I never did shit in that class. He gave like 95's to people who were above average.
Besides that, I've had a lot of these moments (maybe because I'm also bisexual). I also feel like I'm too timid to approach someone especially because I'm a girl and so is she. But you know, I'd rather be rejected than wonder what could've been. Trust me -- that sucks.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - because some people arent angry sex-demonizing monster-mongers like you are!
@LauraDeLuna@xanga - And some people aren't knobgoblins like you are. Not sure what your comment had to do with anything...
@T3hZ10n@xanga - nothing much really. its a slow day.
when i get really bored, i dress up in a raw meat suit and break into a lions den. ive got some wicked photos too.
you want to see?
@T3hZ10n@xanga - also im not a knobgoblin, im a nymphomaniac. big difference buddy-o.
@LauraDeLuna@xanga - There's only one woman I want to see, but thanks.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - yeesh you make it sound like i propositioned you
@LauraDeLuna@xanga - That was more for future reference, but either way my previous comment applies.
I wish you had talked to her