Thursday, 31 January 2013
-
When Do I Ask if He is Single?
Lately, I've been really down on keeping to myself since I haven't been meeting people outside of all my work. I started going to the gym again just the other day, and I totally had forgotten how much fun I had there and how much fun it is to meeting new people. I already have three new workout buddies and their numbers.I'm not allowed to date undergrads where I work because of university policies, and I'd rather not anyway. I'm surrounded by undergrads at my apartment complex and even the gym. I've FINALLY met some grad students. I can date them!
The only problem is that I don't know when to ask if they're seeing anyone. If I ask if they're seeing anyone the moment I meet them, they might think I'm "easy" or something and am just looking for a quickie or am desperate, and that's not the case. I don't know. Should I ask if I run into them again a few more times?
I've been looking for someone to date for years now, and the slowness is really driving me crazy. I'm not trying to rush into anything to scare them off, but at the same time, it's got to pick up the pace a bit. I just want to know if I'm wasting my time on someone or not, and if they're taken, I can just meet someone else there. If it was at a bar, I would definitely ask right off the bat, but since it's at the gym, I think it's a bit different considering I'm also looking for basketball and workout buddies, not just a hook up.
When do you think would be the right time to ask a new friend if he is single for the potential to be more than just friends?
Image Source
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: xinq@xanga
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 29 Views: 0 90301 Comments: 0 1335 View all posts by xinq@xanga
Comments (19)
i'd probably be a bit wary of hitting on someone you will have to see again.
i am frequently asked by girls (who i have just met, either at hh, a party, club, wherever) if a friend of mine is my girlfriend--this is usually a solid indication to me that she's interested. i guess you can't do that here though. oh, since you're looking for bball buddies anyway, maybe just organize a weekend thing in advance and say "feel free to bring your friends/girlfriends/whomever". don't go for the direct approach though, that'll scare guys away.
or, if you're like me, just don't ask and go for it. only if you're okay hooking up with a guy who has a girlfriend though.
Just do what you feel is right, when you feel its right. If you're not okay with asking them right away, ask later, or bring it up in a conversation at some point. It's not like it has to be immediately. You can still be friends with someone even if they're seeing someone. Maybe develop friendships until you're ready to ask. If you never feel ready, you really weren't meant to.
That's the only thing I can really tell you.
Maybe it's a congruence test.
Oh, when. I thought you said why. Ask whenever you feel like it.
"If I ask if they're seeing anyone the moment I meet them, they might think I'm "easy" or something and am just looking for a quickie or am desperate, and that's not the case. I don't know. Should I ask if I run into them again a few more times?"
Well, call me a prude, but I think you're easy simply for the fact that you refer to "they" as if you plan on asking more than one person you're actually interested in which shows you're not at all confident or have any sense of commitment or perseverance, ultimately a vain and fickle girl. Policies are developed to handle multiples, as is the variable "they"... not to be used for individual bases (by "bases" I'm using the plural of basis; you can already see how this gets confusing... the plural of something that is explicitly one individual thing is contradictory per se).
It seems like something only I understand.
People try so hard to figure out how to do things with people, forgetting that every person is an individual. If you have to question how to not look easy when doing something, you're being easy. Either accept it or don't be easy. Appearances are useless without substance. Focus on one or the other and be absolutely clear and explicit with your intentions. Anything else is deception.
'But they might think I'm easy...'
Well if you're not he'll figure that out when you don't sleep with him right away.
I just slip in a comment that suggest I think that person already has an SO. If they do not have an SO and they're potentially interested in you, they would tell you that they're single. I like to follow that up with "Oh, my apologies. I just assumed that you were taken." A semi-subtle way to ask and the person usually takes it as a compliment.
if it's someone you keep running into, who they're seeing or not seeing will be a topic of conversation at least once, i'm sure. if you only see them once then never see the again then it's not really worth getting nervous in asking them.
maybe i'm a prude, but the sensible thing to do here seems to be to just get to know that person. initially make them just a gym or basketball buddy, or someone to grab coffee with while experiments are running (or whatever breaks you get in your particular brand of being-a-grad-student). get to know the people more - this way, you'll know if you're really that interested in them, and you'll probably find out in the process of learning about them if they are or aren't single.
basically... don't just bust the question out before giving someone a chance to be your friend- that does make you look like you're after one thing only. i would never date a guy who seemed like he would only get to know me if i was single, because to me that says you're not interested in me as a person but more interested in me as a conceptual thing-i-could-date/fuck.
you said you want to find out asap because you don't want to 'waste your time' on people... well here's the deal: only get to know the really interesting, lovely ones. the ones who would not be a waste, even if they were just friends.
I haven't really asked. if the guy is interested in me, he'll flirt with me and see if I'm single. I've found out a few times when he mentioned his kids during the conversation. I heard my past crush talking to my coworker about signing up one of his kids for school. then he walked to do his work and my female coworker told me how many kids he has
he could be a single dad. but then my coworker was saying how one time she saw his wife and what a cute couple they are. oh well, he has a nice toned butt. I don't want to date him but I can still check him out at work
I also love his hair. cute smile, too. how do I go about telling a guy that I think he has a nice ass or would that be awkward since I know he's married rofl I don't work with him anymore, so there goes that idea. he accidentally touched my ass once
that's probably why I started noticing his ass. I sort of wanted to return the favor or idk, not fair, he got to touch mine
my crush touched my ass
off topic...I know.
@haltija@xanga - Exactly, and well said.
The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
@haltija@xanga - second that.
I don't think there's a 'need' for anyone to be in a relationship; you'd rather want to be single but happier than in an unhappy relationship only to 'have' someone.
If you must know, then ask when he asks you out. Otherwise, you don't 'waste' your time talking to anyone...they may have a good friend you can date AND everyone has some worth in talking to them.
At least this article indicated that you unconsciously let me see that you aren't really interested in people unless they can DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.
How sad is that? There are billions of fascinating people out in our world. Take time and get to know them. All of them have worth to you..
You have worth, too. Let them get to know you.
Christy
I always go the "roundabout" way & ask Facebook. (thanks, technology!)
If that info's not listed, I try to ask a mutual friend.
Never. You will know in your heart.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - i just played bball with the hot soccer team the other day and was the only girl for the most part. it was intense, lol. man they're fast. this one dude slipped in and stole the ball almost every time it got passed to someone else. usually the pick up games are with different people every time i go, but ya i do want to get a consistent group going. i am throwing a birthday party for me and my roommate in a few weeks and invited all my neighbors, even the asshole ones downstairs, lol, hoping some of them play basketball. they're mostly undergrads but i guess it's convenient for rides 'n stuff if we were to hang out more since we live at the same place.
yeah i definitely didn't want my first question to be to them if they are single or not. one of my friends say if they gave me their phone number that means they're single, so i don't know...it could be a fake number but then again i've never gotten a fake number before and i hope i haven't gotten one now.
@crazygrampastuey@xanga - lmao on a bored night they told me their first name so i tried looking them up in the university directory since there aren't a whole lot of ppl with their first name to find them on facebook to see their status but to no success. guess it wasn't meant to be if i don't see them again after that day, ha.
@haltija@xanga - i do want to get a consistent bball group going so even if they aren't single, ya that wouldn't matter.
I do not need to read this.
The answer is
immediately.That's what Facebook stalking is for.