Wednesday, 30 January 2013
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Should You Have Sex on the First Date?
Should you have sex on the first date? Well, I believe you should not, but I’m also a hypocrite! I believe the greatest flaw to my character has always been my genitalia. When I was in my early twenties, I surmised that they had a brain of their own and my head brain had no authority over them. Right, I’m making excuses.
The fact is, most of my dating now, during my late twenties, has been in groups. Going together to the "Paris" club, theater, resorts, restaurants, etc., anywhere from four to eight of us. Once in a great while, someone will hook me up with a "slasher" that often has the personality of baloney. I would go through the date's prerequisites and then start to complain about my period around ten p.m. She would thankfully bid me goodnight, and I’d go home and watch a DVD with my best friend BOB, Battery Operated Bullet.Now, I do have some renegade hormones that surface from time to time. "Terri Jekyll" makes way for the horny bitch "Teresita Hyde!" I have shamed myself on more than a few occasions by being easily manipulated and taken advantage of. I’ll skip the details. This being said, I still embrace the celibacy of the first and most times second date, unless they tell me they’re dying of pubic cancer.
Dating is many things to many people, and all silliness aside, the first date should never be stressed with any anticipations or misguided obligations directed to the bedroom. Sleeping with someone on the first date is too much like having sex with a stranger: regrets too often follow. So, acquire some common ground, get to know each other, check for scabs and focus on what this new friend might add to your life. Too many potential friendships have been destroyed in the sack....
What do you think? Would you ever consider having sex on a first date?
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About the Author
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- From: Terri_du@xanga
- Name: Terri Palisedo
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- About Me: 28, single living in Atlanta. Budget accountant for the county. Currently going to nightschool to become a CPA. Love weekend trips, flea markets, parks, softball and cycling. I’m a proud and sensual 'feme' and a staunch advocate of the ’life’. Enjoy the company of educated and responsible Gay and bi acquaintances and believe love is truly blind and without restraints. I enjoy landscape painting and writing. Have published some poems but as of yet….no one will surrender money for my art, so that’s what everyone gets every year for Christmas. I love old movies and 80’s music. I cook about twenty varieties of pasta, all with a Spanish flare……be warned!
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Comments (41)
No. I wouldn't.
In-fact this is all a useless euphemism. Renegade hormones this, manipulated that, taken advantage of, whatever.... the whole 'I didn't have free will in the situation, but I wasn't exactly raped either' speil... we get it.
If you fuck on the first date, that's not a date in my opinion, you just fucked a stranger. Same goes for second or third dates. It's just something people do to emotionally justify their actions to themselves and preserve their reputation with others by calling it a "date" because it fits in with the societal convention of courting before mating.
As unpoetic and cynical as it may be, fucking a stranger by any other name smells just like fucking a stranger. If you don't trust the person to be the parent of your child (if a pregnancy were to happen, regardless of whether it is possible or not) all you're doing is again, fucking a stranger.
What the heck did I just read?
@npr32486@xanga - Just read and respond to the title.. it is easier
Yes. No sex = no date. Whether it's the 1st or the 1,0001st. That's just the way it is.
You shouldn't go swimming in a pool full of sharks, too.
I've had sex on the first date and I've had sex without even going on a date. Not into that anymore but I have zero regrets or shame. (Clearly, as I just typed this on a public forum) Why should I though? It was a good time and we were perfectly safe. Everyone is different though. I was able to detach emotion from sex, some folks can't do that. :) Lol, BOB
I stopped reading your post because it drove me insane to read it, but to answer your question, I don't think we has humans should judge someone for something like that. If it happens it happens. I don't think it's a good basis to start your relationship on though.
I see it like this:
if you're dating so that you can have sex, then yes, go for it.
if you're dating in hopes to find someone to be in a relationship with, then no.
I think a lot of girls have a hard time understanding this rule. they want to have sex on the first date, but then they get confused when the guy doesn't call them again, turns out to be a complete douche, whatever.
pick your sides! you can't always have your cake and want to eat it, too!
Sometimes I have sex before the first date! Woo!
BOBs are a buzzkill because the cell battery isn't powerful enough. I like the HHW-hand held wands
didn't 50 cent teach you anything in his last song off that mixtape? "life's too short to not fuck on the first date." although this is not my personal preference. too risky. would prefer blow job. that way i also don't have to feel as bad when i don't call her again. (by the way, i'm not a huge fan of 50, i just happen to like that one song.)
@Love_in_102@xanga - lol. my friend is 26 and STILL doesn't fucking understand this. you'd think that people would learn this lesson by the time they graduate college...sheesh...
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - hah! right? I don't even date, and I understand the rules. it's really not that hard.
I'd wait till after the first day. Coming from a guy, if someone is too easy, it's a bit of a turn off. The guy may have sex with you on the first night, but I wouldn't expect to see him again.
Then again, I'm a little old fashioned. I prefer to get to know someone at least a little bit before jumping in bed with someone.With my first love, I had to wait a year until I we had sex...
You should have sex before the first date to ensure sexual compatibility. And because, why not.
As guy I will say we will always have sex on the first date because it is fun and enjoyable for us without any regret. I love it when it happens. Makes me very happy. However, women should only do it if they want the same type of deal. If you do it, enjoy it for what it was and don't regret it. However, don't be angry or disappointed if the guy never calls you again.
Some guys, not all, will automatically disqualify you from girlfriend material if you do. Just go into things eyes wide open and have fun. Making out and a little over the sweater boob play is ok but sex on the first date can be a little risky. A guy who actually likes you will be fine with waiting. However, the guy who gets angry or stops seeing you because you are too "uptight" only thought you were good enough to fuck and not good enough to be a girlfriend. Some guys do that, I admit I do. I go out with lots of girls I would never make my GF but would definitely love to fuck a couple of times. Woman need to be able screen this out if they are not looking for the same.
That crap about not having sex with a person unless you think they could be the parent of your child is nonsense. It is unrealistic and comes from an outdated sense of fairy tale/religious morality.
no sex 1st date, never been on a date.
I am 20, and I don't have much experience with regular dating. With that being said, I am more of a long-term relationship person so no, I do not believe that I should have sex on the first date.
Too often, sex on the first date is the ONLY sex you have with the guy. They were just after ONE thing and really don't care much who they do it with. Prolly a better idea is to wait until one has an established, loving relationship..in marriage preferably..Sex is so much better when there is real love with it!!!
should you have sex
ona date? or sex
inthe date? or sex
afterthe date? that should be the contention.
@greatredwoman@xanga - I totally agree, sex is sooo much better when mad love is involved. =) That said, I wouldn't say "preferably marriage" because many queers can't get married. It's too exclusive, you know?
It depends. I agree with @Love_in_102@xanga. If you''re just looking to get some then sure. But if you're looking for a potential SO, don't. The last few relationships I've had I waited a bit and it turned out to make the basis for everything stronger because the whole relationship isn't about sex, it's about knowing the other person, their hopes, dreams, preferences, and trust.
Have sex whenever you want.
Myself, I prefer to have sex before entering into a relationship or becoming 'official'. If the sex sucks, or we're not compatible, then we both move on. As opposed to finding out you can't be intimate successfully with your boyfriend and then breaking up. Saves everyone a lot of time.