Friday, 25 January 2013
I started dating this guy back in May. Background: he was my instructor, PhD student, 11 years older. I wasn't looking for anyone, but I met him and everything felt right. We were friends first for 4 months because we weren't allowed to date. We'd talk alone for hours after the class period was over, and I was just so happy to be with him.
I decided to do something about it after the class final, because I never felt such a connection with anyone. We saw each other as often as our schedules allowed during the summer because he was doing research abroad and I had summer school at home. I may have over-flirted a bit because everyone he knows is friendly with him, and I wanted to distinguish myself as girlfriend material.
On the third date, lines were crossed, and we ended up at my place. I thought we'd just hang out and then he'd go home, because my last two guys were virgins like me, and those relationships moved at a slower pace. He made a move on me, and I freaked. The thing is, I have never before desired someone as much as I desired him and still do now, but I told him that we were moving too fast and I wanted to get to know him first. I held out because I thought there would be another chance for us, and I wanted this to move beyond causal into an actual relationship (still haven't said this).
He was shocked, felt bad about it, and kept asking if I was okay. I even told him, CLEARLY, that I was VERY interested in him so he WOULDN'T misinterpret it. I never actually told him I'm a virgin, and I don't know if he knows for sure. He was really mature and respectful about it (and he should be; he's in his 30's). We made out (first kiss by the way), and then he left. I went home the next day (I live in Chicago, and we met in Minneapolis).
I gave it a week just to avoid embarrassment, and we continued communicating as if nothing had happened. He still was enthusiastic about spending time with me. He took me out for dinner on my birthday a month later, still dressed nicely, didn't make any effort to cut the date short, made sure we went where I wanted to go, and ordered something vegetarian just because I did, and we went to a nice outdoor cafe for drinks after for a total of 6 hours together. I worry that I may have acted too shy that time, and he interpreted it as disinterest, because he didn't try to kiss me at the end of the night.
We texted a few days later and talked on Facebook, too, so I brushed it off as leftover third date weirdness. Then the semester got into full swing, and he had to teach a high-level science class in which he had little expertise and do research for his PhD. For a few weeks, we didn't talk at all, and my parents said it was over, so I tried to move on.
He contacted me out of the blue when I saw him on campus after I freaked and ignored him (I thought we were over, and it was too painful to see him). After he started talking to me again, I waited around school, hoping to see him. I'd see him twice per week for 5 min as he was on his way to work. He'd be thrilled to see me, and when we talked, I'd wonder, "What's going on with us?" So I asked him.
I think I caught him off guard, and this was a while ago, so the memory is blurred a bit, but he tried to reassure me it was just work, which seemed legit. I love him, but we don't talk like before. In the first few months of the relationship, we would talk on Facebook chat all the time, but now it's only in person. I can be patient if he still wants me, but sometimes I doubt it and cry myself to sleep. He's a direct person, so do I assume he was being honest with me?
I want our relationship to progress, but this patience has started to wear on me. I just keep thinking that he'll appreciate me being patient with him. I really need an unbiased opinion on this. I keep asking my parents, but they never wanted this relationship to happen in the first place, and I feel like they're discouraging me on purpose. I have a huge tendency to over-analyze everything, believe opinions of people who don't even know him, and let my insecurity completely conquer me, but I've been trying to overcome it because he makes me want to be the best person I can be.
How do I show him that I would be such a devoted and honest girlfriend, while wondering if we'll ever make it to that point?