Thursday, 24 January 2013
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Let's Talk: Honeymoon
We all know what a "Honeymoon Phase" is, we've heard of it, talked about it, been lectured about it. It's described from all angles of life, from people in and out of relationships, people who are saddened over having no one and once having someone or from people who are madly in love and can't wait to begin their lives with that someone special.I've been waiting a long time to write this up, to finally put an unbiased piece of information out there, because let's face it: Us bloggers, we have opinions, and those opinions, are more often than not - biased.
The honeymoon phase by definition, is the period of time from which two people first start dating, to the point where they become so familiar with one another that they feel a "spark" is lost, that there is no longer a mystery component. They no longer see that person as special and rather as just yet another human being (God forbid they're human). I like how one Xangan, @Wrongfuphil, put it: You start off seeing them as a unicorn and when the phase is over, they're just a regular horse. You still with me?
I honestly believe this phase is non-existent. Sure, we start off mesmerized and full of infatuation, lust, love and wondering. But if those emotions become tranquilized and less evident, maybe the "spark" isn't gone... maybe you've just come to realize that this unicorn isn't your 'Happily Ever After' unicorn, they're just someone you were meant to meet in your lifetime of ups and downs and diagonals. A unicorn you were meant to cross paths with per-se.
I'm 5 months into my current relationship and I couldn't be happier that I've come to realize that she's just an ordinary girl. She's no superwoman or bionic in a super-powerful sense, she's just like every other girl (obviously not exactly like every other girl, she's still an individual), but the difference is, I love the flaws, I love the mistakes, I love the normalcy, I love that I no longer feel inadequate; I feel equal.
Maybe that's the point of love. It's not to fear when this believed "honeymoon phase" will end, but rather to embrace it. This person is pretty damn fantastic whether or not you feel that you've gotten too comfortable. You're not supposed to be strangers, there was a day when you wanted to know everything, don't just drop out when you discover it all... love it all instead!
Do you think this honeymoon phase exists, or do you recognize some truth in my theory that it's not about a phase and rather just a step toward a mature relationship? Throw your thoughts down below!
- M
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About the Author
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- From: BreakingArizona@xanga
- Name: BreakingArizona
- About Me: Wow, so obviously I'm going to assume someone is actually interested in knowing me. To be blunt, which happens to be one of my greatest assets - The only thing you need to know about me is that I love to write, especially when it comes to voicing my own opinions. I like Honesty.
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Comments (14)
The honeymoon phase for me lasted for about 8 months. I was always getting butterflies, excitement to learn more, and that hunger to touch or kiss. It wasn't a bad thing for me for the honeymoon phase to fade, but instead our comfortable love formed into a relationship full of a better understanding of each other. I don't think the spark is ever lost. I think boredom is just arising, and it's better to try new things and experience more with your love. I have found going out different places or even having just lazy days is just simply...wonderful. The comfortable love is absolutely amazing, because you get to be yourself and still be in love.
I get more of a thrill out of being totally, completely myself with someone who loves me--warts and all. It's a lot better than I ever expected it to be.
If the honeymoon phase does exist, I think it lasts longer than a lot of people thing it does. It may even last forever. I have been with my fiance for almost 4 years. We just got engaged a few months ago though. And I am just as (if not more) mesmerized and amazed by him as I was on the day I first met him. So I don't know. I don't think the phases exist. Granted my fiance and I have a lifetime to go through and I'm sure there will be times when I won't like him, but I will always love him and who he is. I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't.
wow, i disagree with that definition. when the honeymoon phase is over, i don't believe the spark is lost. in fact, i don't believe the spark is ever lost. the way i see it, the other person will never become "normal" to you. i mean, to me, he's special in his own way.
i'm either eternally in the honeymoon phase or it doesn't exist at all. i don't obsess over my s/o and worship the ground he walks, but i don't think of him as SIMPLY a "regular horse" either.. we live life "normally" i guess, but he himself isn't normal, at least not to me. i still have feelings for him but just don't feel the urge to be seeing him or talking to him every second of the day. i guess maybe that's my definition of the honeymoon phase.
I usually feel those feelings when the guy is super hot and/or I can't really have him, whether he's my crush that I admire from afar, or he's taken-in a realationship already, a player, who doesn't pay that much attention to me, or we're long distance. you don't know when you'll see/talk to him again. although I also sometimes enjoy when the guy revolves his world around me to make me feel special...I also enjoy the chase. so the tug of war of feelings is what I like. some people call that a "game," but I call it seduction
if he readily gives in and lets me have him nearly right away, then it gets boring quickly. tease me and don't let have you
or not all of you at once
that makes me want him more. but that's just me. to each their own. there's this guy that currently makes me want him badly, and I can tell that he wants me, too, but he can't either
the butterflies in my stomach are going to explode and kill us all!!!!!!!!!!
"Us bloggers, we have opinions, and those opinions, are more often than not - biased." Firstly, that is not how you punctuate a sentence. >:(
I believe in the 'honeymoon phase' as a period when you're highly attached to that other person by chemical arousal, but in a good relationship there will always be 'spark'; not all the time, perhaps, but frequently enough for the relationship to be worthwhile. Sometimes that isn't the case, the cons come to outweigh the pros, and people need to go their separate ways, but in successful long term relationships the partners should always be interested in each other.
I'm not saying that after years of security together, when you know your partner well, it doesn't sometimes take a little effort to keep the 'sexy' part of your relationship alive, but it's probably still far less effort and anxiety than you spend censoring yourself, preening, and worrying about your love interest's opinion of you while in the limerent phase!
Hard to say since most of my relationships haven't lasted long enough to go beyond that initial phase. I've never been with someone I idolized or wanted to be around all the time and anytime I've had that initial rush of giddiness it faded rather quickly when the relationship ended.
I would think there comes a time when you get used to the person and they become a part of your life and it's no longer something new. That's not a bad thing, it's good to be close to someone for so long that they are a part of you and you no longer see yourself as two separate entities but one couple on the journey together. I think that's the point where love really begins and starts to fill in the cracks and becomes something truly wonderful.
My boyfriend and I have never had a honeymoon phase. We were best friends for over 4 years before we officially started dating. We knew each other too well to have mystery and all that jazz. We've been together over a year, and the spark is still there. He'll do something oddly sweet and I get butterflies.
We don't want to spend all our time together. But we miss each other when we're gone. I think that's how it should be.
@BreakingArizona@xanga - No, punctuation isn't the point of your post. That's why I commented briefly on it (which I am just as entitled to do as you are to use punctuation how you choose) before writing in much more detail on the actual topic. :)
@BreakingArizona@xanga - be a gracious poster, stop being a sassy bitch to the people giving you feedback
I still think I'm in a certain honeymoon phase with my SO and we've been together just under 2 years, living together just over over a year and a half. First, I think everyone's honeymoon phase is different (especially in every relationship) and I guess that does mean I do believe in it. After a certain amount of time, I do think that lessens (it has in mine, but I'm still incredibly happy :D) but the spark should never be "gone" or there's no reason to be together. The spark should consist of many things: sexual attraction, emotional connection, similar life values, principals, beliefs...etc.
Five months into a relationship, I don't think you have an opportunity to know whether or not you and your SO line up on all of those fronts. I can't say whether or not you love each other, I won't go there, but definitely give yourself more time before you decide whether or not you believe in that honeymoon phase. I know I went through it in my last relationship for about six months before it went to hell for 2 1/2 years after it faded.
You say you love your SO's flaws and quirks, which is fine, but that sounds like honeymooning in itself. I thought it was cute that my boyfriend liked to hug 3/4s of the blankets at night like a baby til winter came and I was fucking freezing then had to fight to get some for myself. I'm sure he thought it was funny and great that I like to sprawl sideways and every other which way in bed at night to sleep, til he had to find a way to sleep in the same bed as me too. You can be in love and honeymooning, IMO, without loving and adoring every aspect of your SO's being.
When you reach THAT point, it's love, in my opinion.
the honeymoon phase went on for 4 months for us, now we're just too comfortable... =/
honeymoon phase - call it what ever you like. This is the tipping point in romatic relationships. Will we succeed or fail? I think that this point is part of preparedness. Before ever this may occur, you can find out what the experts found.
People mature individually and in relationships. Experts identify from 5 to 10 stages in romantic relationships. The experts look at the building and downfall of romantic relationships.
Thinking about yourself and what you'll probably need to know to form a successful relationship is the most important work.
I've never experienced this. It's more like, Phase 1: Person is minor annoyance but I'm giving it a chance. Phase 2: Person is less annoying, more fun. Phase 3: Person is a very, very minor annoyance, and more of a source of affection. I haven't gotten any further than that yet, but that's just because my current boyfriend is the only one I've been able to get past Phase 1 with. So far it's almost like annoyance and wariness is fading into a gentle glow of affection, not turning into a "spark" or anything really intense, but it probably varies from person to person. For example, I'm more logical, I use my head long before my heart and so I've never fallen (or really wanted to) head over heels for someone. However, my mum has always been very passionate, more apt to jump into something mind, body and soul and run with it until it burns out. For her, the honeymoon phase never really ended because her and my dad have always managed to keep their passion.
I think it would be really fascinating to do a case study on something like this.