I have no intentions of getting married. At all. That's not to say I never would - there are some benefits that come with it - but as someone who doesn't really want kids and is happily non-monogamous anyway, I don't really see a reason to go through it for the "traditional" reasons (ie, committing oneself to one other person for the rest of my life).

I think you're very wise to wait, and I also think you're very wise for making your non-relationship-related dreams a priority. You're young - you have a lot of time to do everything you want to do (and, all due respect to your relationship, both you and your boyfriend are going to change as you enter post-college adulthood, and you might change enough that you're no longer a good match). It actually bothers me that your boyfriend doesn't seem to embrace your dreams along with you - dreams and goals are a pretty key part of who I am, and if a partner of mine didn't value that aspect of me, we probably wouldn't be compatible.

Good luck with everything.

I definitely want to get married, but I also have goals outside of that that I want to accomplish. I'm not going to put down others because they have different dreams. I have a friend who all she wants is to get married, she's in a job that she's doing well in but it isn't what she wants to do...and that is foreign to me because I know what I want and in it, and working towards getting better BUT that doesn't mean that someone who is a mother and housewife is not as good as me. They just have different values. I don't think you meant it to sound taht way, but it kind of sounds like you're putting other women down who are not as ambitious as you. I think it's really rude of your family and friends to judge you for not wanting to get married yet and put pressure on you though, that must be really uncomfortable. I do have to say though, it sounds like your boyfriend is much more family oriented than you. If he wants it now and the tensions are starting, what about in another 5 years when you still don't want them yet?

It's always bothered me how the majority of people view ENGAGEMENTS. I can't understand why people think long engagements are bad! If you're not ready for marriage but want to make a bigger commitment (and start making plans for a future together), then THAT'S what an engagement is for! The ring isn't some kind of code for "we must be married within a year". If you're not ready to get married at 22, don't. But that doesn't mean engagement is out of the question.

@ShirleyD@xanga - I definitely don't consider marriage a dead end.  My best friend's parents have the healthiest and most loving marriage I've ever seen and I hope that I have that one day.  I just feel like I'm being pressured a lot right now from a lot of people to make that leap.  I'm not saying that I won't get married, because I love the idea of sharing a life with someone.  I'm just trying to stress the fact that I'm so young, and want to do other things beforehand.  

@xhalesx@revelife - And I think it's absolutely wonderful because you are doing exactly what you want to do.  :)

I think you and your bf need to try and come to some sort of middle ground. A compromise. Such as an engagement. Or (kind of cheesy) a promise ring. Maybe your bf is just afraid of losing you. Also think about what would you say if he did propose. Would you refuse but still stay with him? Or say "I'll think about it?" Sure, he should understand your position too (not saying it's all your fault) but it almost sounds like you completely shut him down. Maybe he already has the ring and was planning to propose.

Like others have said, being proud of being the wife and mother doesn't mean you still can't be a successful career woman. Those two are not mutually exclusive states.

You also have to try and ignore (kind of) the relatives. Of course the grandparents want you to marry their grandson, of course the parents want their son to have a great wife, etc. Think of it more as a compliment because that means that they love you too. They really want you and your bf to be together. There are couples out there who can't say the same.

Ultimately, I'm sure you two will be just fine. I don't see how marriage will suddenly make dreams unattainable. I see it as just another level of commitment.

i have no interest in getting married because

@hxckendra@xanga - Thank you! I get so sick of hearing people argue about when the RIGHT time to get married is. There is no specific age, length of relationship, etc. It's different for everyone. And everyone needs to be okay with that. :)

@flapper_femme_fatale@xanga - The legal benefits you get from being married far outweigh the $50 it costs for a marriage license. If your boyfriend is on life support and his family wants to pull the plug and you don't, they'll pull the plug because you get no say in any medical decisions. If he's in the intensive care unit, you can be barred from seeing him because you aren't family. If he told you he didn't want a religious funeral but his family still wants to have a religious funeral anyway, they can go against his and your wishes because you have no rights.

Lets say you bought a house together as boyfriend and girlfriend. If he dies, half of that house goes to his family instead of going to you. All of his assets go to his family. It's almost like divorce.

You also have access to his employer insurance and health benefits and visa versa, and you can be entitled to any of his retirement benefits if he dies.

I'm an atheist so there's obviously no religious reason why I should be married either, but the legal benefits make it worth it. There's definitely more benefits than the ones I listed, but the most important one for me is being able to make medical decisions for my husband if he is incapacitated instead of all of the rights going to his family, who do not know him well and wouldn't know what decisions he would make as well as I would.

@Syaoransbear@xanga - those are all very good points.  right now in the relationship, i don't think we've been together long enough (only 4 years) to have that kind of say in each other's lives.  as we get older and our parents pass away, though, that will definitely change.

I've read so many times here on Datingish of failed relationships. Usually, although not entirely, the reason is fairly obvious -- most young people didn't really think about the future and their own readiness. So, although I have views that include saving sex for marriage, I am all for young people setting goals and pursuing objectives for education and career. In my view these are important for developing a healthy lifestyle; and these goal setting and activities towards developing in careers should come before mariage for young men and women that plan to live healthy lives. Now, of course, some may choose to become homemakers. I'm not excluding that as a career aspiration. Age? Well, no coment on that just now. The age of a person isn't as important as mental, emotional, psychosocial and spiritual maturity.