Wednesday, 23 January 2013
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Love vs. Obsession
So today I basically write this for the younger readers.I remember when I was younger I had this boyfriend called Xavier. My whole life revolved around Xavier, what he was doing, what he thought, and his Myspace. I remember I would listen to the music he liked and I would dress in the type clothes he said looked good on me. According to us, we were in love.
I think it is always natural to want to do things that will please your SO, and especially things that make you more attractive to him/her, but when do you cross the line? When does that turn into an obsession? Xavi and I broke up a year later because he always wanted me to do what he liked and what he wanted me to do. Looking back, I always feel like that relationship was borderline abusive, and that wasn't all his fault. I would go along with what he wanted, and I never stood up for myself because I was so blinded by him.My point is this: Love is a beautiful thing, but there comes a point where we can cross the line, and it becomes an obsession. It's natural to be interested in your partner's life and to want to look good for them, but you should never have to lose yourself to do so. You should be able to be yourself and both you and your partner should have different interests and different styles, yet be able to respect each other for that. Yes, that person can be the most important thing in your life, but not the the ONLY thing in your life.
When does love turn into an obsession? Have you ever been obsessed with a SO? Have any advice?
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Comments (10)
I think you can be in love and obsessed simultaneously. Nothing wrong with that.
I think it is important to remember that you shouldn't have to change yourself to be with a person. It is OK to develop new interest because of another person, but you shouldn't feel like you are becoming someone new. You shouldn't feel like a possession, and no should you think of your partner as one. Like you have already said, your partner should not be your life and you shouldn't be theirs.
I guess because of the way my brain works, I don't think love turns into obsession. They are separate things. Obsession never feels good whether you are the obsession or the obsessor.
ETA: Obsession drives a person to have you followed until you just don't want to leave you room, it drives people to threaten or physically harm people that the other person does not want in you life. It is pathological and scary. It is not the same as that feeling you get in the beginning of a relationship when you can think of nothing but wanting to be with that person. That is the thrill of someone new. Love and obsession are not the same thing. Yes, they can go together just not in a healthy relationship.
I usually can't stand the music that they like, so I won't think their music sounds good when I think it is obnoxious. I'm usually just infatuated with how cute he is
a guy's smile really gets me
and maybe obsessed with him sexually and can't get his super hot naked body out of my mind
but I've never physically stalked anyone. there's too many other hot guys to get depressed over one
I think when you're in a relationship, you do pick up habits from your partner and you do start liking new things because they introduce you to new music, new films etc. But, there is a difference between love and obsession and obsession is really unhealthy. Good post :) it reminds me of my first relationship!
I think the largest factor is whether you're lying to yourself and others about what you enjoy. If you don't like a style of music, then don't lie to yourself that you do. Music, movies, activities, etc. is something that you enjoy yourself. You can't force others to like the exact same things you do. You can introduce it to others and say what you think, but ultimately it is their decision.
Obsession itself has a negative connotation so I suppose I'm agreeing with the first comment, obsession and love can be exist simultaneously. They're not mutually exclusive feelings/states. Unhealthy obsession, I feel, is when you force yourself to do things you either hate or don't like (being neutral I think is ok. If I'm neutral about a movie, I'll still be willing to go see it with my girlfriend because she likes it and I'll enjoy it.) in order to please your significant other. Just my 2 cents.
It's always been stressed by my family that I don't need to change myself for anyone, especially a boy. As I started high school, I was always revolved around my first boyfriend. While he was only interested in sex (which I was too blind to see but never gave it to him), I was always revolving around him. I texted him during classes and even ran away from home to see him. Looking back, I never even really figured out why I even liked him. He was never interested in my life and he never seemed to care about me, anyway. Anyways, I promised myself never to change myself again for a guy. I started dressing differently and acting differently because of what he told me to do. His presence caused great distress and he played me like a fiddle constantly. I grew so tired but I just wanted to stay because it was my first boyfriend. He caused me to lie to my family and corrupt myself in ways I never want to recall. It's never a good idea to change anything. If a person really loves you, they'll love every single bit of you. I was obsessed and I think it's more of a mindset thing, where you always just want to cling on to them.
love is not obsession. I was fascinated with someone til I found out he treats people like shit. Then my fascination stopped dead in its tracks.
I think you're talking about a larger function of youth... both the need to obsess with things [I am ever amazed at how teenagers can play the same video game for dozens of hours straight, or watch the same movie every night of the week], and the lack of a strong individual personality definition. Youth needs to obsess with things, so that they eventually learn what they do and don't like. They are exposed to superficial understandings of things in their coursework and their interactions with professionals all the time... it isn't really surprising that the teenage crowd chooses to obsess over the issues of their personal lives. On the other hand, in speaking of relationships, you are talking specifically to a group [teenage girls] that is notoriously weak in their personal identity, and strongly defines themselves by their company instead of their individuality. Of course when they get a boyfriend, especially for the first time, they obsess over him. That IS self-discovery for many.
My boyfriend and I are each other's lives, but we're not obsessed with every little detail of one another. We dress how we want, listen to what we want, watch what we want... there is no "control" that one of us has over the other. I mean, of course you're going to change when you're in a relationship. Each partner will be introduced to new things, and could possibly like them. But telling someone they can't do something, like something, wear something... that's not okay.
But I think for most people, their first crush/love is not real love until they make it that way. In high school it starts out as an obsession with the person and turns into love as you grow with one another and learn about each other. Love is born from obsession, but obsession cannot remain if there is love between the two. If it does, then the relationship is very one-sided, and one person is harming the other.
xX Ame ~*~ Hana Xx