Not sure where your relationship is heading? Do you think it may soon be time to call it quits? Consider the following tips when you are deciding whether or not to get out of your current relationship or if you are beginning to lean towards ending the relationship:
I know from my past experiences that I always relived through the past. I wanted to relive those good memories, and because of that, it always gave me a false sense of hope. I thought, "Maybe these memories could happen again if I just stay in a little longer." But most of the time, if things are going downhill and there's no hope for a change, it's time to get out.
2. Fearing the "routine" is normal.What I mean by "fearing the routine" is the thought of not seeing your significant other (ex. texting them, calling them, seeing them, and etc.). People tend to fear a rapid change, and the thought of your significant other suddenly being in your life less, or out of your life completely, is scary. That's normal, and with time (I know, the whole time thing is cliche) it will get better. You just have to give yourself a chance.
3. Trying to fix things doesn't always work.If you're busting your butt in your relationship and nothing is changing, that's a major sign that something is wrong. If your significant other doesn't care to try, or they're trying too and things just don't seem to be working, it might be time to say goodbye.
4. History does NOT define a relationship.I know history can play a huge factor in whether or not someone decides to end a relationship. This should not be a reason to stay in a bad relationship. History, after all, is in the past, and history does have a tendency to repeat itself. If there are more bad things than good in your relationship, it's time to move on. There might have been good things, but like I said, history repeats itself. Plus, no matter who you meet, you will create a new history with him/her. Perhaps if you move on, you will find someone that makes things better than your current relationship.
5. Wandering feelings should not exist in a relationship.If you feel urges to flirt because you feel like you're not receiving affection or vital emotions from your significant other, I would highly suggest talking things out. If things don't change and the urges still remain, just remember that if a person is tempting enough, urges could very easily turn into actions, and your actions could turn into regret or a lack of regret with continuous actions. If you just want to flirt because you're naturally a flirtatious person, cut that shit out.
6. Breaks can help in the decision-making process.If you take a break from your significant other and find yourself happier than being in the actual relationship, it's time to move on.
What are some other tips that you would add to this list? What other factors should a person consider when deciding whether or not it is best to end the current relationship?Image Source
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Comments (22)
I think people are too focused on ending relationships and more so than they are on making them work. It's a growing trend and disgusting, really. Almost everyone in a relationship can relate to most of these if they're going through a rough patch and women are like hypochondriacs reading a DSM when it comes to this shit.
I've seen this pic before:
#2: Even relationships wherein there is a gain in joy over pain there will certainly be times when there isn't (like a stock market ticker) despite there being an overall increase in joy over pain.
#3 and #4: This conflicts with the almost unanimous opinion that people are always changing. To not expect the person to is, in my opinion, hypocritical to say the least.
#8: Contradicts #3 and #4. If there is nothing to change about oneself or one's partner what is there to put effort into doing?
#10: You shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place if you aren't fully grown as an individual.
#11: That's called having faith.
As for your list:
1. This suggests that there is a certain point in a relationship wherein precognition would come into play and that you should always get out of the relationship before you actually want to.
3. Conflicts with #3 and #4 in the pic and I disagree.
4. Disagree.
5. Lack of self-control. You shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place. If you are, your partner deserves more effort from you.
6. I didn't feel like commenting on this one at first but whatever. If you take a break and find yourself happier without your partner that wasn't ever a break; it was a breakup and a pathetic way to weasel out of a relationship while calling what you're doing something else. This is an all-too-common misuse of past ambiguity for future benefit. If the temporary break results in a permanent breakup it was always a breakup and never a break.
Here's a tip to add: Don't expect more from your SO than you want them to expect from you... and no, that's not grounds for breaking up because of differences in fundamental beliefs/ideals. That's called not being an emotional vampire.
In my opinion, the best way to decide is to see yourself 6 months or a year from now, or however long it would take to recover from the breakup. The pain of a breakup is horrible but temporary, and so it shouldn't be considered in the decision. What you really should be asking yourself is: will being single and/or pursuing another person/interests in lieu of this relationship be better than this relationship, or will staying in the current relationship on the current path its on be the more desirable situation?
when he says stuff that stabs me in the heart and makes me cry
goodbye jerk!
These are so true, I had all of them in my past two relationships. I don't agree when people say you should alwayswork on it. I think that applies to marriages or engagements, deeper commitments but for a young relationship like mine were....it's not worth it. If I had stuck in there with my exes today I would not be happy AT ALL. My life wouldn't be as good and I wouldn't have done half the things that I have since breaking up with those people. I could have a completely different life and I'm so glad I don't.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I disagree with your #10. Relationships help you grow into an individual. I've learnt some of my most important life lessons from being in relationships when I was younger and "not a fully grown individual."
@isitreal_no@xanga - I can kind of see where you're coming from and how your opinion would have solid roots in the psychology of interpersonal development and socialization but there is an opposite end of the spectrum where a person can (and in my opinion, most efficiently would) become their own individual without using others as a catalyst for personal growth as to avoid the sticky situation of having to rely on others to be an individual without continually giving them the credit they deserve for doing so (i.e. remaining in the relationship with the person who helped you be who you are because they are a part of you and vice versa), otherwise they will have been veritably "used" even if the person doesn't realize it and regardless of whether there are mitigating factors such as co-reliance.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I always thought that in my past relationships we had both learnt from them...but when I think about it, it was just me, so in a way I was 'using' them as I didn't think I was going to marry them but I dated them anyway. Didn't think about it that way.
@isitreal_no@xanga - It's just something that never made sense to me. What can a person possibly learn from an unsuccessful relationship that didn't work out that they couldn't have learned from a committed relationship that they planed on staying in through the hard times? All you can possibly learn is how to more easily get out of a relationship that you weren't going to stay in anyway.
That also goes back to a person saying you shouldn't change for your partner while also claiming they've learned from their past relationships. So they changed as a result of the past relationships but for convention's sake they shouldn't change while they're still in one? Like it's okay to change because of a person who wasn't right for you, but it's not okay to change for a person who is, as if that's not accomplishing the same thing... idk.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I know what you mean, but I think when people say you shouldn't change for a relationship they mean things like your personality, or doing things that make you happy, or what clothes you wear or how much you see your friends etc.....But changing from a result of a past relationship is more like changing how you re-act to certain situations in the relationship or things that your SO might do that you don't agree with, or situations that come up with your SO's family. I don't know if that makes sense, but yeah, that's how I see that.
Has anyone ever went on a break, then came back, and the relationship got better?
I don't think anyone should take breaks. If you can't sort out your problems and stay together, you shouldn't be together at all. I've never known a break to actually work, anyway - people go on breaks, cheat, get back together, get in the same routine again and the whole thing just repeats itself until someone finally has enough.
@stanlee255@xanga - @daydreams_nightmares@xanga - my friend actually went on a break with her boyfriend for three months. They were both going through a lot of stressful and emotional things with college or family and this was causing confusion and a lot of unwanted fighting with them. They both trusted each other, and they made it clear that neither were going to date other people, just focus on their lives. They trusted each other, were miserable without one another, and once their lives were sorted out they became closer. They've been together for 3.5 years. Not everyone is untrustworthy and going to take the opportunity to cheat, but hey, if they do cheat, I guess it's good they did so you know their true character :)
@isitreal_no@xanga - I'm glad you found things you could agree to! It seems like a lot of people disagree, but it's nice to see different view points. I'm just glad at least one person gets what I'm trying to say! Haha!
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I appreciate your input! Even though we have different ones I'm glad you explained what you see differently :)
@DrummingMediocrity@xanga - I couldn't have said it better myself!! You have better advice than I do!!! Haha!
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - AMEN to that!
I kind of disagree with #5. Flirting is fun. :) Just as long as you solidly know you want your partner and aren't actually going after someone else, and that someone else knows it.
@stanlee255@xanga - @daydreams_nightmares@xanga - I know of one case, and in that case one person was sick and not 'themselves' for a while and it wasn't exactly obvious at first. Eventually that got figured out and resolved and they got back together and are happy now, years later. :) But a lot of 'breaks' especially in high school, are silly.
@galliver@xanga - yeah, I meant more when couples just constantly go on breaks and use them as an excuse to sleep around/cheat/get back with an ex. I know there are some circumstances where a break can really help, like when you're going through some personal issues or whatever, but I think that generally applies to older couple as opposed to high school/college students.
Meh, I think a lot of people give up too easy. "Oh man, things are changing for me and I'm gonna be busy for a bit, so let's end this" /bitter
Number 4 has been on my mind a lot, not only because my previous relationship but my friends as well. The main reason why I didn't end things when I should have with my most recent partner was because of our history, but it was still a really toxic and unhealthy relationships.
End of #5 of the written list had me rolling xD
I agree with all except #5. Love is not finite, it is infinite, and loving more than one person is not a bad thing. It's going outside of the parameters set by the people in the relationship that is bad. Wandering thoughts are natural. It's nature to wonder if the grass is greener elsewhere. It's our ability to think past our own selves that allows us to not act on these wants and desires if it will harm or hurt the people we love.
While I agree that these are all signs are examples of when its time to get out. I'm definitely not arguing them. ... I do want to say though, that some of these shouldn't be the only reason you get out of the relationship. Sometimes relationships hit hard times. As long as you love the person and you're both willing to work on those hard time, do the best you can. Relationships are a bit of a gray area in that perspective. Honestly though, if someone is being mistreated or abused, its time to go, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Those little add-on details can be worked out and settled when you're safe and in a better environment.