Tuesday, 22 January 2013
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Is it Really Over This Time?
This might be quite lengthy, so brace yourself.My ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost three years. I was his first girlfriend and we were engaged for a while. We had a complicated relationship for a while after we broke up. I guess you can say we were "friends with benefits," but we actually had feelings. He kind of had a hard time balancing things out with school and a relationship because he would get distracted.
Last month, in December, he told me that he wanted to end the complicated relationship that we had. He said that he wanted to start 2013 fresh and he wanted to do better in his life. I thought this was predictable from his side because he always said that whenever he failed a class. This was when I didn't see him as often during that semester.
I, personally, was hurt, but I wasn't sure if he was being serious about it this time because he had said it multiple times before, and yet, he kept coming back to me. I remember I went through seven months of depression because I wanted him back, but he was treating me very badly. He just kept pushing me away, and he was saying rude things to me. So, it was like a cycle because he came back again after he saw that I was trying to move on to someone else. I don't want to always have to find someone else in order for him to realize that he still loves me and wants to be with me.
He told me he wanted to have sex with me one last time before 2013 started. His reason? He said he didn't know what the reason was. His reasoning for wanting to end the complicated relationship? He said it was tiresome being in a relationship with me. It was tiresome because he felt "obligated" to do things as a boyfriend, even if I didn't ask him to do anything for me. He also said I was "boring" because he knew everything about me already, and he couldn't see me in his future. He didn't have a further explanation for those reasons. I mean, I knew we were comfortable with each other, but boring?
Here's the difference in this situation: I haven't seen him since our New Years kiss. I sensed that he was tempted to see me, but he said that he really wanted to move on. And during these two weeks, I've noticed that he's been getting drunk to the point where he throws up and passes out with these new friends that he has recently met.
Two weeks later, he was interested in a girl that he met in December. She came into town to see her friends, but she lives in a completely different state. He texted me out of nowhere a few days later and said, "I hope you're happy. Everything came out the way you expected. She told me she couldn't date me."I was not happy. I was upset that he even brought up the subject of dating to her in the first place. He said that he didn't and that she did.... They didn't do anything, just Skyped and talked a lot. He said he doesn't want to move on from her because she said that she thinks it's better to give it time. It was upsetting me because he couldn't even give me time and attention when we were dating and we lived in the same city, but he thinks that he could make a long distance relationship work with a girl that he just met? My brother thinks what she said was a bit "cliche," since she didn't want him to think that she was "leading him on." But I'm still not very clear about it.
He kept saying that he's moved on from me, his grades from school in 2012, and from everything that happened. But even after saying that, he's still talking to me. He's still answering. He may be saying harsh words, but he's still talking and answering. Multiple times when we were arguing, he said, "Forget this. I'm moving on." I replied, "I thought you already moved on." Last night, I asked him to be completely honest with me and asked if he really did completely get over me. He replied that he didn't want to talk about it and that he was going to sleep. The texting conversation stopped after that.
I'm not sure if it's because he really wants to move on, he's projecting his feelings for me onto this new girl or if it's the excitement from meeting somebody new. I don't really know how to take everything that has been going on. I have been really depressed and I have been crying for the past few days.
What should I do? What could possibly be going on with him?
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- From: Mish
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Comments (16)
Leave. Don't spend the rest of this brand new year going through this drama. If the unhappy times are so often it's not worth it. There's someone else out there who is more suitable or more comfortable in a long term relationship with you than your ex seems to be, judging from this post. You have one life, don't spend it depressed.
Been there, done that. Leave. I promise it's the best solution.
Definitely time to let go. From just reading your story, there's so many red flags already for you to know it's a bad romance. He seems to be stringing you along coz he knows that you'll be there even when he says he's moving on. Please have more respect for yourself and know that you deserve better and cut him loose already. I've been through it before. Even though you think you can't move on and he's the one you love, life really does go on. You'll be much happier without him.
Wow.. boring? That's such a harsh thing to say to someone. I would never say that to ANYONE.
It's clear that he doesn't really want anything to do with you anymore. He has told you many times he doesn't plan on committing to you.. I think you should take that hint. If he was lying, well, I still wouldn't go to him because of his douchey attitude.You. Drop. Him. Hot Rock. Move on.
I have been in similar situation as yours, and I promise you it will only do you more harm if you continue having anymore lingering connections with this guy.
MOVE ON.He is just not that into you. All he is doing now is like a little kid who throws away his own toy, only to snatch it back when other kids want the toy. He is a selfish jerk who only cares for what he wants, he has
nevercared about what you wanted and how you felt.
Challenge me if you want, but ask yourself this: Would you ever do any of these hurtful things to someone you truly love?
You broke up. You're over. Doesn't matter if you're still sleeping together, the relationship ended. He's obviously got no respect or feelings for you. He's trying his hardest to make you leave him the fuck alone, unless he wants to get laid.
As for the other girl. Who cares? He's single, he can do what he wants. You're single, you can do what you want. I suggest you move on.
If you've broken up, you're over. If you're still sleeping together, you're just an idiot. Look, he has said it's over. He only replies to you to be nice or because he likes the attention - leave him alone. It's over.
It's really not that difficult to figure out. He's a douchebag. You're kind of an idiot. Stop texting him and move on with your life. Sounds like he's hell bent on tanking his own anyway, don't let him drag you down with him.
sounds like you're the only one with feelings. just saying. sure it was not on the topic, but you never provided one example of him showing he has feelings for you.
This man doesn't sound like he was very nice to you so why are you hung up on him?
Do yourself a favour and stop making the same mistake over and over again. I'd forget him and move on, seriously.
That's it, I'm never reading a Datingish post again.
Are people really this stupid? No wonder everyone is single or divorced these days.
You two need a healthy break, in my opinion. Rejection and re-working a relationship is always difficult. You say he treats you badly.. Why do you allow that? Do you not feel worthy of someone who will treat you well??
I say take a serious 6 months off from him..no contact whatsoever except a wave if you accidentally run into him.
Grieve for this relationship and when you are ready, look for someone who truly loves you.. Where your relationship is the soft place to fall. Where you don't get insulted by being called boring.
Move on. You will be glad you did. (Been there. Done that)
The BEST in 2013 to you. There are amazing guys out there for you. Keep looking !!!
Christy
So this guy is a dumb bastard with such a low IQ (or willpower) that he can't even handle school and a relationship at the same time. And he's blaming his lack of talents onto you..and treating you shit at the same time. Do you really need to think about what you should do?
I know the type. they don't change. move on and get him as far out of your life as humanly possible. change your number, block him on Facebook, cut him out of your life completely.