Sunday, 20 January 2013
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Keep Obsessing? Or Forget It?
This post was submitted by Etta.
So, there's a guy I dated briefly (but intensely - my first love) five and a half years ago. We tried to see how we felt about six months afterwards (I broke up because it was clear he wasn't over his ex - even though I really liked him). So for roughly five years it's been comments and likes on Facebook, but that's it. He had a long-term girlfriend and I moved away overseas, having two significant relationships (one with a guy, call him Guy R, from his city).A few months ago, Facebook tells me that he is now single. Approximately a month ago, he writes me a Facebook message (two years to the day that he last wrote me, something he pointed out) just being nice, wishing me happy holidays and asking how I was. I respond in kind, and he responds to my response. I leave it there. Right after the new year, I decide to take a post-vacation trip back to his town, because I used to live there and have a ton of friends and people there.
So, I stay with some friends and hang out every night with people I want to see again and catch-up with. I tag him in the post along with others, and he says definitely. I give him my number and he calls the next day and we arrange to meet.We hit this little jazz bar run by a friend of mine, and it turns out my ex, Guy R, is DJ'ing that night. I'm insanely nervous because it did not end well with Guy R. So, I drink rum, I'm downing beers, anything to try and relax. In addition, the last time I saw this guy I'm with, I was also nervous and naive. So, I'm trying to be myself and show how much I've achieved whilst trying to be calm about Guy R.
Finally, we leave the jazz bar. It turns out the DJ decks are directly facing the window onto the street. I ignore Guy R and make up my mind to kiss the guy I'm with (because I was drunk and stupid and wanted to stick the middle finger up at Guy R). We hug tightly, a good hug, and as we pull away, I give the 'kiss me' eyes and keep my face a little closer than normal. He does not kiss me. He does however, hold my face in his hands. We half walk away while stopping to make plans to meet over the weekend. He blows me a kiss and we part.
All of this happened in front of the window where Guy R had ringside seats. Did I make a mistake trying (failing) to kiss him? He's extremely attractive (dear God!) and he once told me he likes the frisson of excitement at not really knowing if a girl likes you or not. Seems I kind of blew that out of the water. I'm so embarrassed and pissed that I allowed Guy R to affect my behaviour.
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Comments (14)
For me, rehashing what I could have, should have or would have done just makes me crazy.
Forgive yourself, move on and learn from what you did that night.
Getting drunk to relax often turns out badly. For many reasons.
Learn from this life lesson and move forward vowing to be the best person you were meant to be.
Christy
huh? start at 1:39
This post has too many words. If you liked the guy why don't you ask him how he feels. Women that don't normally pull douchy stunts shouldn't try pulling them just because they are trying to get some man's attention.
Forget it :)
Assuming that you're an adult, perhaps just do as adults do and just be straightforward with the guy and not send him anymore subliminal messages? "If you like someone, tell them. Forget about looking ridiculous because what's truly ridiculous is passing up the opportunity of making something happen." In the end, it's the chances we didn't take that eats at us the most. I think you still can salvage your situation. If the guy really likes you, I don't think something that minute would throw his feelings off completely. Just genuinely apologize for your immature behavior and see how it goes. Good luck.
Um.. wow. Way to go!
@Erika_Steele@xanga - Lol. That video clip you included just made this post worth reading. :P
I don't understand which part of this you are obsessing over. You and this guy have plans to meet again...so?
If GuyR is done and over with...I mean we don;t even know if he saw the kiss that didn't happen. And if he did...so what? People break up and then go on to kiss others.
Wow. Ok, first off, if you're anonymously posting, why the eff do you need to censor out people's names??? You could have said, "My ex Ray, and this guy Scott.." and I guarantee you not one single person would have gone, "Oh, shit, I know EXACTLY who she's talking about!!!!!" I mean, come on. Second off, you just sounded like you went to kiss him just to be a douche and his half-assed rejection confused you and kind of turned you on.
Basically, stop making dating so damn complicated. Go back to your hometown, stop playing games and check out the dating scene there. Stop letting the past affect you so negatively.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - LMAO! This times a million.
This doesn't make any sense, but okay. If you like him, tell him, and meet up with him again, just make sure it's jut the two of you and don't get drunk. If that doesn't go anywhere, then move on and find someone who actually gives a damn.
Ahh cute :D
What?
Eh... I would say if you're drinking rum and "downing beers" just to be able to function in that situation, you've probably got bigger problems than whether or not this guy likes you. Or maybe it is something you do only rarely, but the guy picked up on your behavior and didn't want to kiss you because he either was a little turned off by it (I knew someone who would stink soooo badly while drinking, it was amazing - and repulsive) or didn't want to take advantage of you. Not saying that's definitely the case, but maybe don't drink at all when you two meet up again. At the very least, you'll be able to figure out your feelings with a clear head.
well...obsessing is never a good option. In dating it's always best just to forget about it, move on and if you ever come across him again, don't worry about it. Obsession can block out confidence and that is the first cardinal rule of dating the boys you want to: be confident.
OMG. I am so glad to see I am not the only one here who was confused as hell with this post!
What exactly is the obsessing issue here?! Are you trying to say you still have feelings for your first ex, the first love or what? Or are you obsessing over the fact you allowed "Guy R" to affect your behavior & you blew your chance with your first love???
What even. You made a mistake, in the future don't get drunk around this first guy.