Sunday, 20 January 2013
This post was submitted by Etta.
So, there's a guy I dated briefly (but intensely - my first love) five and a half years ago. We tried to see how we felt about six months afterwards (I broke up because it was clear he wasn't over his ex - even though I really liked him). So for roughly five years it's been comments and likes on Facebook, but that's it. He had a long-term girlfriend and I moved away overseas, having two significant relationships (one with a guy, call him Guy R, from his city).
A few months ago, Facebook tells me that he is now single. Approximately a month ago, he writes me a Facebook message (two years to the day that he last wrote me, something he pointed out) just being nice, wishing me happy holidays and asking how I was. I respond in kind, and he responds to my response. I leave it there. Right after the new year, I decide to take a post-vacation trip back to his town, because I used to live there and have a ton of friends and people there.
So, I stay with some friends and hang out every night with people I want to see again and catch-up with. I tag him in the post along with others, and he says definitely. I give him my number and he calls the next day and we arrange to meet.
We hit this little jazz bar run by a friend of mine, and it turns out my ex, Guy R, is DJ'ing that night. I'm insanely nervous because it did not end well with Guy R. So, I drink rum, I'm downing beers, anything to try and relax. In addition, the last time I saw this guy I'm with, I was also nervous and naive. So, I'm trying to be myself and show how much I've achieved whilst trying to be calm about Guy R.
Finally, we leave the jazz bar. It turns out the DJ decks are directly facing the window onto the street. I ignore Guy R and make up my mind to kiss the guy I'm with (because I was drunk and stupid and wanted to stick the middle finger up at Guy R). We hug tightly, a good hug, and as we pull away, I give the 'kiss me' eyes and keep my face a little closer than normal. He does not kiss me. He does however, hold my face in his hands. We half walk away while stopping to make plans to meet over the weekend. He blows me a kiss and we part.
All of this happened in front of the window where Guy R had ringside seats. Did I make a mistake trying (failing) to kiss him? He's extremely attractive (dear God!) and he once told me he likes the frisson of excitement at not really knowing if a girl likes you or not. Seems I kind of blew that out of the water. I'm so embarrassed and pissed that I allowed Guy R to affect my behaviour.