Until recently, things have been quiet on the Romance front. Over the last few months, my neighbor and I have been getting to know one another. I made my position clear, and
I asked how he felt about me. So it looks like we're in the friend zone. One night I come home and he's sitting outside on the steps, drunk, with a beer in hand. Throughout the conversation, I learned he was to turn himself in and face ten years for a bar fight that ended badly 8 years ago, due to a recent probation violation.
We adjourned inside to his apartment and kept drinking. He asked me to spend the night repeatedly, and
got 'pissy' calling me pathetic and damaged goods because I refused to sleep next to him. I grabbed a beer and left.
Can I officially say I am SICK of putting up with this BS for the sake of 'giving a guy a chance'? I'm tired of putting up with the same crap for fear of missing a good opportunity. I'm not putting out any bull, so any thoughts as to why I'm getting shit instead of respect?
I'm curious as to the origin of the guilt trip my neighbor tried on me.
What makes men feel that we as women are obligated to indulge in a sexual encounter, just because that's what they want? After the statement about me being pathetic, damaged goods was made, I stated I would not accept the guilt. He says, "I'm not trying to guilt trip you!" Realy? Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Recommend
Comments (59)
Once again, we have a woman bitching about a man and she will get coddled. Couldn't say the same thing if it was a man bitching about a woman who thought she was entitled to sex from him; he'd be labeled an asshole for withholding.
That aside, I don't think anyone is obligated to give me sex nor would I ever treat them like they owe me anything. If they don't want it, they don't want it, fine. I can always get it from somewhere else. It's not that big of a deal. I look at sex like a business arrangement: seeing as how your genitals are your property and your business, you have the right to refuse service to anyone for whatever reason you deem fit. Period, end of story. I'll go find someone else to fuck. No skin off my teeth.
Nobody deserves sex from anyone. The first two comments were disgustingly misogynistic.
@AEA0090 - Grow the fuck up. Misogyny is the hatred of women.
sounds like your drunk felon neighbor was bitter/angry and desperate for a bootycall, so he tried to degrade you to get you to cave into his desires before he serves his decade long prison time. doesn't he know that he has no tact and he shouldn't call the woman that he wants to have sex with "pathetic and damaged goods?!" he doesn't know how to seduce women
seeing a king of the hill drunk guy sitting outside his porch with a beer in hand is enough to turn me off and deter me from wanting to go over to talk to him.
I thought you were a guy? I remember your other alias where they thought you were a female due to the fairy in your profile pic, but you said that you were actually a male, yet you're talking as if you're a woman
so this story is fake?!
To balance this out and to state it in a more understandable way, I deleted my first comment to put it this way...
Consider I write an article:
"Entitled to protection from carnivorous animals and designer footwear?" because I dated a spoiled female.
If it's misogynistic to say the above, it's misandristic to say that men aren't entitled to sex because some guy acted like he was. It goes without saying that you don't "owe" a man sex... but to actively argue that men aren't entitled to sex isn't right either.
Not all men are like your neighbour. But that does suck. At least you know who he really is now, so you don't waste any more time on him.
The Zion defined misogyny correctly. There was nothing woman hating in either of the first two posts. They both stated, in different ways, that men are not allowed to complain about withholding sex from their female partners without them being called an asshole or thinking there must be something wrong with their masculinity. Both of them expressed their opinion on withholding sex and then said they didn't think that women owed them sex.
I think some people (ah ha, see gender neutral *ahem* anyway) are just selfish and think the world owes them something for one reason or another. It's a major personality flaw, and he probably acts like that when it comes to other stuff, not just sex, and doesn't really consider the feelings, needs, desires, ect of other people. Probably can explain his legal troubles, too.
i wonder how'd you feel if you ask a guy to sleep with you and he says no?
I made a blog post a long time ago about how every time I met a new guy they just automatically want to get in my pants and I asked what's wrong with cuddling and getting to know each other. Some gave me shit saying I supposedly "use" guys as a human teddy bear finding company in people that I don't even want to hang out with. Whatever -- is it not too much to ask to be respected the first time someone meets someone? Tell me about it. Some douche bag guys I met think I'm easy or something so they try to get with me on the first night they meet me and they expect something. When I don't give them what they want on the first night they don't bother to call me back...Some guys really need to have more respect for themselves to act easy like that on the first night. In the long run, I'm glad they showed me their true colors because someone wanting to hook up on the first few nights of ever knowing a person is usually NOT relationship material. However, there are always a few exceptions.
The next time a situation like this comes up I'm going to tell the guy that I respect him enough not to do anything too soon and I'd rather get to know him more as a person first before any of that happens. Hopefully he respects me enough to not pressure me.
Sometimes the "why" of things is simply this: he's a douche. I once dated a guy who was emotionally abusive, and he always told me that he treated me the way he did "because he loved me." Does that make sense? Not in the least. I could have pyschoanalyzed him to death, but understanding him wouldn't have made him any less of a psycho abusive douchecanoe (that's a great word).
Why did he call you pathetic and damaged goods? Because he was trying to manipulate you. (Also, he was probably feeling desperate since he knew he was going to prison, and he was drinking...) Some people get douchier when they're drunk and desperate.
Why do you attract these kinds of guys? Well, my dear...that's for you to take some time to figure out.
I wish you all the best. (And I'm glad you didn't give in to this guy!)
Pathetic and damaged goods? The first thing that comes to mind is someone that queues in on insecure people (well, girls in this case). I have idea why, but I've seen women give in or respond to this type of behavior.
I have quite a handful of male friends and I never heard of or any mention of women 'owing' them sex. Some men *are* blunt, but they're usually forward as such with women then think will respond to such an advance - not just every women they meet that are interested in them or friendly. That said, maybe such douchcanoe's (nice word!) are picking up on some subconscious signals? I dunno. Unless you're just misunderstanding the more 'aggressive' males out there? If they think there's a chance for sex on the first date, they're gonna go there. It doesn't mean they think you 'owe' them sex or that they are somehow entitled, but well... they picked up on something (perceived or real, body language, etc) and are going for it. Pretty much.
If you're attracted to strong male type character, you're gonna run into this. Play game (that is, don't give in); most guys do like the 'chase' or challenge. It's a primal thing. Or date more sensitive type of guys who are afraid to make such advancements on the first date or such.
@LaBellaMorena -
Im looking into that. I think the situation sprung up out of convienence, rather than me "attracting" him to me. But I would have to say its an issue of self worth. Even tho Im in the healing process, I still have the "damaged vibe"... acording to a jerk I guess...
. @tendollar4ways@xanga - Yup, Carona too.
I for one would like an uderstanding of the situatuion from another perspective, not codelling. I also respect some ones personal choices. I dont call a guy an immature coward because I want a relationship and he doesnt. This man placed his hands on my body with out consent. Yup, Im bitching about it. I left that out of the story bacause what he said bothered me enough, let alone what he did.
Ive drank with him before so seeing him outside with a beer meant he was hanging out, not realy a reason to ignore some one I already know.
I agree with LaBellaMorena. The 'why' is simple...he is an ass! Not worth your time or friendship. I am glad you did not give in. Take care!
@saia2 - Yeah, that would be assault. That changes things a lil' bit... fuck. Why didn't you state that to begin with? O_o
My alert was high because when I walked on the sceen, I was offered a drink right away, and every one but my neighghboor disapeared. Once inside, he tells me his brother is home but he never asked me to be quiet like he usualy does when hes home. Further more, he didnt go to court the next day like he said, and once its all said and done, hes still free. The whole thing just felt wrong.
He told me he never blacks out yet he doesnt remember what he said or did, his excuse, he's going thru alot right now. Both his actions and words suggest that if I had agreed to spend the night, he would not take no for a answer, and tried to plan things agead of time with the story. As he saw me the next morning he said he'd explain later (indicating he in deed remembered he saw me the night before.) And I had a felling he wouldnt go in. But when I bring up what he said days later he feigned complete ignorance and, denied it yet asked me why am being stuck up, and why am I mad before I said anything to him that day,as soon as I see him again, KNOWING Id be upset with him for what he did and and trying to play it off when I confront him about that night. He knows he fucked up and he cant deal with it. But yet, Im pathetic.
@specificallyrandom@xanga - honestly, it is more about what he said. I left when I realized Id have to struggle to keep him physicaly away from me. Its awkward because I know him and have hugged him, and I figured hes bound to be locked up soon any way, tho he isnt yet and now I feel like I have to be on my guard.
@tendollar4ways@xanga - lol-- I'm hoping so was the beer (cold that is ;})