Monday, 07 January 2013
Wouldn't life be convenient if we had some kind of instantaneous reward system that kicks in when we make the right decisions? Your character levels up, you pass Go and collect $200, you get some pie. That sort of thing.
I've been seeing a guy for a little over 6 years, and it becomes really hard to recognize the right decision after such a long period of time. You see, after 6 years and multiple conversations about our future, it became increasingly clear that we were not heading in the same direction. I'm getting ready to start my first teaching job on a real salary and I've been thinking a lot about getting married and starting a family. He's not sure where he wants to be working or if he wants to go back to school and, above all things, he does not want to get married or have his own children.
On paper, this seems like a no-brainer. You don't have the same common goals, so you should find someone else who does. I'm not someone who believes that it's feasible or right to "change" someone in a relationship. Sure, you compromise. You're not going to agree on everything, so sometimes you need to be an adult and find the middle ground. But major philosophical differences about relationships are not exactly something that you can compromise and it's selfish to expect that someone change their core beliefs and ideas to accommodate your wants.
Last night, after a long, incredibly-hard-to-have conversation, we decided to end things. Not for lack of love, but for understanding that we want different things from our lives that don't quite fit together. To borrow from How I Met Your Mother, he is my Beinahe-Leidenschaftsgegenstand. That thing which is almost the thing that I want, but not quite. It was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make, but I feel that it was the right decision. And, in time, I hope that he will too.
It's just unfortunate that in the real world, even when you're sure that you made a good decision, you still feel like you've been punched in the gut.
Have you ever made a decision that you felt was right but that still had negative consequences? Have you ever had to end a long-term relationship like this?
Suggestions on the best break-up comfort foods (which are currently needed in high quantities)?