My boyfriend and I are going through a hard time at the moment and it has been going on for a while now (couple of months). I thought it was just a stage in the relationship, but surely it shouldn't be going on for this long if it is. At first we were the perfect couple; we wanted to spend every second of the day with each other and now I think it's fading away. It's not him, it's me... and that is what I'm worrying about. I am pregnant with his child and I'm not feeling right.
I love him to pieces, I really do. However, all I seem to be doing is either hurting him or annoying him in some way and I don't want to do that. It's because I want my own space sometimes but he's always there and it just gets to be a bit too much. I don't want to feel like this because when he's gone I feel so alone and upset; I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. When he is here, he just seems to annoy me even when he is doing the nicest things possible.
It's not that I have lost interest because I haven't. He is my world and I don't know what I'd do without him. He is my first love and things just seem to be going wrong! There must be something up with me because no matter how hard I try to get over this problem, it seems to get worse. I don't think anyone really understands how this feels. It's horrible because when he wants to snuggle, I just don't. Well, I do want to but I haven't been very well for the past three months and I just want my rest.
It seems like I have to do everything for him. I have to make his food, wash his clothes, get up every five minutes to get him a fag, and it is really hard work. I am only 15 and when I finally lie down and get to chill after a stressful day, he is just there and wants to snuggle. I just want to go to sleep and relax and have five minutes to myself. Because of this, he gets in a mood with me and believe me, that is the last thing I want to happen.
I don't want to risk losing him. I'd rather feel like this forever than leave him. I just want to be normal and have a normal, perfect relationship just like all my friends. My friends seem happy and in love with their partner and I'm here feeling like this, but the thing is, I'd take a bullet for my guy... I really would. But when he does stress me out, the "mega bitch" releases and that is when I get worried because I'll do and say things I don't mean when I'm in those moods. That's when we start arguing and I don't like arguing with him.
It scares me because I've gone out with some nasty people who used to hurt me psychically, so even if he flinches, in the back of my head, I get the feeling that he's going to hit me. I know he wouldn't do this to me, but the fear is still there subconsciously. I think that annoys him because I've told him about my past and I think he gets upset thinking I'm scared of him when I'm not; it's his mood swings I'm scared of.
Can anyone relate to this?