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We've been together for a while, and we're close in age with him almost being 19 to my 18 years of age. I'm a virgin, but he isn't. We are really close and he always makes me feel special. Because I am a virgin, he hasn't pushed me into it at all, and totally respects me... but that is the problem: it makes me want to make love to him.
We are honest and open, but before I talk to him about it (which I will), I need a little advice. I know about protection and safety, as does he. I just want to know if it is okay to feel like this—like I can't control myself—and if I should let it be if it feels this right, or is it a passing phase? Thanks!
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Comments (28)
it's gonna happen sooner or later (or maybe never if you're the self-hating type), it all depends on your own values. If I were in your shoes, I'd definitely go for it, hell i woulda jumped his bones a long time ago, but then i'm into "casual sex" and man-eating and all of that
It's up to you, but I don't think it's a passing phase. And better to be with someone who respects you than someone who only wants to have sex with you because you're a virgin.
Wild stuff!!!!
As a guy (and I can only speak for myself), the decision to have sex is really up to the girl. It's great that he values you and treats you with respect. When you feel comfortable and ready to have sex after thinking it through, by all means, go for it. Wear protection and enjoy each other.
@laytexduckie@xanga - I would argue that the decision to have sex is a mutual one. If the guy doesn't want to have sex, the woman has no right to force it out of him.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Well, of course. But, in my case, I usually leave it up to the girl. Because, hey, if she wants to romp, I'm up for it.
Wait. Just wait. Wait until you've tied the knot.
Well...why haven't you had sex yet? Unless you're waiting for marriage for some reason, if you're comfortable with him and want it, then sleep with him.
Do you see a future with your boyfriend? What will you guys do if there's an accidental pregnancy? Feelings change over time--don't rely too much on emotions. Think about it some more.
Sometimes, guys who see a future with a girl will respect her and not ask for sex even tho he wants to. By asking him to have sex, he may have sex with you and then move on..
Just sayin'
Obviously somebody who values your virtue and self respect is gonna turn you on if its that important to you, sex and real love starts in the brain and not the genitals. lol
Its all up to you and whats most important. If you can handle the reprecussions and wont hate yourself afterwards, be safe and go for it. If not, self control or keeping your distance might be your best bet.
as a single mother at 40...I wish I had waited much longer. It is natural to want a great guy and the desire to have sex but it is a better feeling to have self restraint and wait til you both truely love each other. But that is just my hindsight.
ditto @greatredwoman
how come nobody thinks sex as something sacred anymore?
Jeez people! You can have sex with someone and respect them after!
How long have you been with him? If it feels right to you then I don't see why not, but be safe and make sure he respects your wishes (to stop if it hurts too much, no go areas etc).
Are you religious? If you are you should probably wait because you will probably feel guilty afterwards.
@f5ye_angel5@xanga - because it's not. It's sex. All animals do it..we've been doing it since the dawn of time and if we stop doing it we will all die (very frustrated too).
I agree with @greatredwoman
"Sometimes, guys who see a future with a girl will respect her and not ask for sex even tho he wants to. By asking him to have sex, he may have sex with you and then move on..
Just sayin' "
Not that it's guaranteed or anything.. He sounds like a good guy for sticking around and being respectful so just weigh the reasons you were choosing to stay a virgin.. If its to save it til marriage then you would probably be best doing that. If not, then I say go for it ;)
There are a lot of people who are going to try and convince you that sex is wrong unless you're married.. especially with a good sized Christian group here on Xanga. Now, if you're religious and you absolutely believe in no sex before marriage, than you need to make a spiritual decision before you can do anything, and since I'm not a Christian I can't really help you with that part of it. However, I can say that if you want to do it, go for it. And make it special. My first time sucked. I was drunk and nervous and barely knew the guy, I just wanted to get it over with. The fact that you said you want to make love with him, instead of have sex, tells me this is something very special to you. So make sure you let him know that. Have a romantic dinner, light a bunch of candles, have all your protection, lubrication, etc. ready, and just spend some time exploring each other's bodies first. Remember that if you get nervous, you have every right to back out and you're not being a tease by doing so, but definitely make sure you're absolutely ready to do this before going for it, because that does suck for a guy lol.
Anyway, like I said, make it special. As long as it's something you will remember forever and smile, you won't regret it.
@testyman666@xanga - we're not exactly animals. i'm saying how come we don't consider it something you do it with only one special person.
Wait to see if this is the man you wish to marry; honor his patience and the way he's showed you honor, and take the time to see if his showing you honor is based on the love he has for you. If it is, then it seems like you've found an excellent man who is worth waiting for. Yes the temptation is going to be there and it is going to be strong, but you have a beautiful opportunity and gift here; try to show him the same self-restraint and honor he has showed you. He's not a virgin, but you can still honor him by showing him the respect he has shown your virginity; hopefully it isn't so much that he is honoring your virginity but rather that he is honoring *you*.
you know you wanna jump his bones! do it!
People will tell you its ok, and others will tell you different. It is against my beliefs to have premarital sex, BUT it is against my personal beliefs to tell you, that you can't have a choice.
My advice is to think about the aspects of it: do you want it? do you really need it? what will you gain from it? what could you lose from it? is it worth it? what could it do to my future? could this decision change me?...
all these questions are good ones to ask yourself. I have been placed in this kind of situation, where women wanted to have sex with me, and every time, I came out with the answer of no. I am very happy that I never gave my virginity away. I want to give it to my future wife, and her only. I had these beliefs far before I actually started serving god, so this is not a religious belief to me.
be smart, think about your actions, feelings and about who you truly are. no one can stop you, and no one can make you. you are the one making the decision, not us. you have a choice. All I can do is recommend thinking before you act.
@f5ye_angel5@xanga - I don't know, to me it is. and that was before I became christian. I guess its just a society thing. I have heard that in different cultures, it is still looked down upon to have premarital sex. I don't like that its nothing 'cool' to be a virgin any more. either way, being a virgin in this extremely sexual world makes me feel a little bit special. like I have something that others don't have.