Tuesday, 25 December 2012
-
Changing Your Faith for Your Man
This post was submitted by Jennifer.
So I've been in an on-and-off relationship with the same guy for about four years now. We've gone through so much with each other. Sometimes, I do think that we are meant to be with each other. There are two reasons why we keep on being on and off: religion and looks.You see, the guy that I've been seeing is Muslim. He comes from a strict family who is devoted to the religion. I, on the other, am Catholic. I was raised in that faith and although I don't go to Mass, I still have a relationship with God. The conflict with religion is that he isn't supposed to be talking to any girls; that's against his religion. It always comes back to him saying that I am a sin and that he will just be marrying a Muslim girl in the future, so this relationship is a waste of time, but we always seem to come back together anyways.
The other reason we keep on being on and off is looks, my looks to be exact. In all honesty, I'm not the skinniest person on earth, and he knows it. He does care about looks, and he didn't like how I was a bit overweight if you would say so. After our latest break-up, I decided to get serious about being fit and starting working out and watching what I ate. When I changed my Facebook picture, he contacted me again and wanted to get back together. I was hesitant, but I ended up giving him a chance.
Now, he has asked me to marry him but there is a catch. The only way that I can marry him is if I change religions. That scares me a bit because I really don't know anything about Islamic faith and I don't know how my family would take it. I don't even know if he is the one. I'm only 21 years old and this would be a huge change for me and a huge commitment, but I do think I love him, and I feel that no one else will show me the care and love he has given me throughout the years.
How do I know if changing religions will be the right move for me? Is is wrong to change religions for a guy?
Image Source
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (44)
@lianO_Owang@xanga - well said.
if you are converting just so you can marry him, I don't think you can call that "converting". that is called pretending to be a certain religion. if you really believed in Islam then you would already be muslim.
I have a hard time understanding how you've been with this guy for four yrs but you don't know anything about his faith. I had a wiccan GF and I learned about Wicca when I was with her. My current SO is Christian and I learned some about Christianity despite being Atheist being with him. I also am not so keen on him breaking up with you because of your weight (although I commend you on getting fit) and also calling you a sin. wtf is that? Catholics, if you're pretty devout, are also very strict (I was raised catholic before I denounced religion) about relationships and marrying outside of your religion but you aren't acting that way towards him so I just can't understand his actions towards you. I would think *long* and hard before marrying that guy and converting religions for him. Also, read the Qur'an or start to, to make sure you even agree with what you're converting to. Man, this is just a mess of a situation. Also, 21 yrs old? You're YOUNG. Live first. And I say that as a 22 yr old myself in a committed relationship. I'm not about to tie the knot either and I'm incredibly in love with my SO. I INTEND to marry him when I *know* the time is right, but there's no rush...you should never feel pressured or rushed.
yeah, no. don't. just. don't. Girl, you're only 21. You still have a lot of growing up to do. Don't go into this blind either. Sorry for being vague and not explaining; I'm sure I come across terribly here, but just don't.
He broke up with you because of your weight? What happens if you gain weight after you get married, or almost inevitably after you have a baby...is he going to threaten you with divorce if you don't "shape up."
IF he was coming from the stand point of "maybe you should lose some weight because you're not healthy and I'm worried about you" than that's a different story...but regardless, it's no reason to break up with you.
When you TRULY love someone, you accept them as they are, you don't try to change them. Of course there are things about my hubby that I wish were different, but they're minor things (I wish he didn't snore and leave his socks under his desk in the computer room etc.). I'm not going to ask him to change his religion for me (again, if it was coming from a standpoint of "I love you and I want you to know more about what I believe etc." that would be different, but its like he's giving you an ultimatum). And I love my husband regardless of what he looks like and what weight he is.
In my opinion, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.
You're 21, you "think you love him", he only got back with you because you lost weight and according to him, he won't end up with you because you're not a nice Muslim girl? What are you doing? RUN.
First of all, I don't like him, and not just because he strictly follows a religion whose followers still largely condone violence and subjugation of women (I'm just waiting for ignorant Leftist snobs to call me "Islamophobic" and other PC attacks, which I will ignore). I'm sure it's obvious why else I don't like him, so I'm not going to spell it out.
Second: You're 21, you're a little girl. Converting to Islam (especially compared to other religions) is a huge obligation and one that you'd better know what you're doing if you choose it. It does say a lot about your character that you are so quick to change your religious beliefs for a man. I mean you already changed your body. Why not put some pressure on him?
Muslims men are allowed to marry women of the book A.K.A chritiand and jew but in all honesty considering the Fact the he only contacted you after you changed your photo makes him seem like an total ass.
it's all the same god you realize, right?
i say run like you're on a malfunctioning treadmill. but that's just me and common sense talking; don't let that stop you from making a life altering mistake.
do you live in a small town and he's the only decent looking guy there, so compared to the others, he seems good looking when in reality, he's a troll, but why be so picky when there isn't much to choose from, so you're settling for him?! he brainwashed you because you're naive and he's good at manipulation since his own religion is basically mind control and he wants you to be in their cult so that you won't disobey and bad mouth them
why would you want to marry a scumbag bully?!?!?
I tend to think that off-and-on relationships are stupid in and of themselves, but, in my opinion, the fact that the two reasons it's on-and-off are religion and looks is a sure sign you need to end it for good.
I feel like there's so many things off with this post.
Red flags:
-He wants you to change your religion so you can fit into his family NOT because you want to.
- He doesn't make you feel good about how you look, unless you lose weight. UHM FUCK THAT.
-You're in an on and off again relationship and you're not even sure you love him. I think you know deep down you don't love him because he doesn't treat you right.
-"and I feel that no one else will show me the care and love he has given me throughout the years."False. You found someone who has given you attention and it will happen again, but next time it can be with someone who TRULY cares about you. A guy that loves you will not make you feel bad about your weight, will not ask you to change your religion for the most base reason, and will be mature enough to hold a real relationship (one where you don't have to hide your relationship and aren't breaking up every couple months). Have confidence in yourself, you're beautiful.
catholicism and muslim aren't very different from eachother at all. they just have different traditions and some other tweaks here and there.
if you don't understand the religion at all why the hell do you think marrying him and converting will resolve your problems?
also, why the hell would you wanna marry such an oppressive, shallow, selfish dickface?
work on developing your own ideals and beliefs; figure out your faith with the god you currently believe in or figure if you're an athiest, buddhist, whatever.
Religion or not, educate yourself well, set out your own standards and what you feel strongly about in certain lifestyle circumstances/problems so you're not so easily manipulated and pushed around.
he sounds like a dickface for not being understanding/respectful either way. if i were you, i would happily teabag him with two legs of christmas ham.
"No one else will show me the love and care he's given me"
There will always be someone else who can treat you better. Religion aside, he sounds very shallow. Broke up with you because of your weight?? I mean I know physical attraction is important to a relationship too, but if you're in a loving, committed relationship, there are many more factors than weight that matter and contribute to that loving bond.. Even if you are obese, your partner should be more concerned rather than turned off. Sorry but it all just doesn't sound good to me. I was once in a relationship where my guy gained about 20 pounds but that didn't stop me from loving him. In fact, I loved him so much that although I did think he was getting chubby, he was still attractive to me in every way and I didn't let that get in the way of us.
Also, you don't even know what the religion is about, so you don't even know if you're going to be happy or not when you switch over. If you're not comfortable with it, then no. And if your parents' approval matters that much to you, that's even more of a reason to not do it because you don't want your relationship with your parents to change because of this one guy. Four years may be a long time, but you've been with your parents for longer and I would NEVER be with a guy who didn't respect my parents. That fact that he wants you to convert, means he is not respecting you OR your parents. If you change your beliefs, you do it for yourself, not for someone else. One of my exes tried to convert me to Christianity and while I tried so hard to understand it and digest everything (he made me read the Bible everyday..), it just didn't work. I just couldn't do it. It was a deal breaker because he said he couldn't marry a non-Christian. You're so young and you have SO many years ahead of you. When I was in my first relationship, I used to think there would be no one else who would love me like he did. I was so wrong.. He might've liked me a lot, but the way he treated me was a NO GO. There will always be people out there who can love you just as much, if not more. And they'll probably treat you the way you should be treated, too.
PS If you only "think" you love him, then it's not love. From my experience, you just KNOW it, you wouldn't even have to second guess yourself.
He sounds very, very controlling. First of all, he broke up with you because of your weight & contacted you again when you lost it? Tool alert right there.. while it's alright to encourage your SO to lose some weight because you're worried about their health (& even that's touchy territory..), just breaking it off means he doesn't care about your feelings, just your looks.
Now, if this were a healthy relationship, I would say do what you think it right and I see no problem with converting to a different religion, as long as you feel comfortable doing so.. but I feel like marrying this guy would be a huge mistake for you, and would put a HUGE dent in your self-esteem.
No one can make this decision but you, so really reevaluate what you want out of a relationship, and what you're actually getting. Then ask yourself if he's worth it, and if he's worth the grief he gives you.
DO NOT DO THIS. Walk away, lick your wounds, get on with life, and you WILL meet someone you are truly compatible with on many levels, and a relationship you can relax into and blossom in.
@DrummingMediocrity@xanga - "he strictly follows a religion whose followers still largely condone violence and subjugation of women"
"Largely condone?" Are you for real? Nobody in my family condones violence or subjugation of women, nor do any other Muslims I have encountered.
As for the writer- this isn't even an issue of converting religions. If this guy treated you with respect, then marry him. But this guy is a total d-bag. Do you think you deserve someone who only wants to contact you when you have lost weight? I sure hope not.
@DrummingMediocrity@xanga - he's already treating her like an object.
I'd tell him to go blow himself up or something.
I would have told him to get bent if a guy didn't accept my weight.
@perfectisfakke@xanga - There are many exceptions, especially among those who have assimilated into American values such as your family and friends. The male spoken about in this entry is clearly not one of them.
@Colorsofthenight@xanga - Exactly!
@lianO_Owang@xanga - Strongly agree. I think that if you're going to change faiths, you need to do it because you believe in the religion, not because you love someone in it.
a lot of the comments above re: control made me realize i forgot to mention: i know waaaay too many girls (mostly of the brown variety) who refuse to date brown guys because they're too controlling.
just a thought.
So............he gets you to change who you are for him....before he'll "love" you? Wow...what happens when you are 20 yrs in...there won't be any of you left, will there?