This post was submitted by Abbie.
Okay, so here is the situation.
I have been dating this guy for about two months, and I always make him come to my place and pick me up whenever I want to go anywhere. But today, when I told him that I wanted to see him and if we could chill, all he respond with was the address he will be at and said I have to come there by myself if I wanted to see him. He said he hated being a cab driver for me and hated driving all the time. He said that while he always comes to see me, I should come see him once.
I'm really shocked since he knows that I don't have a car and still asks me to go by myself. And what I am thinking now is that he doesn't want to see me anymore, or he's getting bored of me already.
Please help me out! Thank you!
Recommend
Comments (63)
Pwned.
I've never dated anybody with a car. I never ask them to pick me up and just meet them at the destination or half way.. I'm sure you can get to places by yourself..
Is there nobody else that can drive you places?
I would be annoyed if I always had to drive someone and always pick them up. I had a friend like that, and after awhile I just decided it wasn't worth it anymore to always pick her up...
He wants to be your boyfriend, not your dad. He probably still likes you, he just wants your relationship to be more equal... it gets tiring always having to pick someone up.
Referring to himself as a cab driver is kind of dickish... but on the other hand, if it's manageable distance, you could cab, transit, hitch a ride with a friend or family member, or walk/bike to him. It's not fair to make him do all the legwork, and if someone asked me to chauffeur them everywhere without putting effort into getting to me, I'd be pissed too. Not having a car is a shitty excuse, especially if you're interested in someone, to be honest (because the trip should be justified by the time you get to spend with them), and I live in a region where the buses are the only means of transit besides car, and they are god awful.
When I was uncomfortable going to my boyfriend's place, he'd come here to hang out. Obviously that passed, and especially with my boyfriend working quite a distance from home, after driving an hour home, the last thing I'd do is make him drive to me if I want to see him. You won't ALWAYS be in the mood to ferry people around. If someone wasn't willing to find a way to come see me on a day I didn't feel like driving, I'd question whether or not they're really a) interested in me, or b) worth my time and interest.
A relationship isn't a one-way street. Some way or another, whether you believe it or not, you can get to him too. It's not all about you.
in all fairness, i always make girls come downtown if they live too far uptown. i haven't been north of 14th st in years and intend to keep it that way.
I think you are over reacting... In this case I think he is just telling you the truth...don't try and turn it around on him.
If you want it to be fair in the relationship, you have to meet him halfway, not expect him to always do it all himself. It's like how if he always makes you cook dinner, and throws a fit when you ask him to cook dinner. Get the drift?
LOL
Do you really blame him? I'd be really fucking annoyed too, if all you did was "make me" come up to see you and take you to wherever the hell you wanted. Relationships are give and take, and apparently all you've done the last couple months is take. If you wanted to get to him, you'd find a way. Since you haven't, you must not like this boy all that much. I'm betting he's realized this and moved on. Sucks to be you, honey. You fucked up.
@chronic_masticator@xanga - Ha! I love you!
Yes, as my favorite badass ChronicMasticator said, you're basically a selfish little tart, and your vagina just isn't worth the gas money. It's a grim reality, cupcake.
He's right, he's not your chauffeur. Just because you two are dating doesn't make it his job to be either. With gas prices these days I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to drive you anywhere. But honestly, I'm surprised you're shocked that he said something. It's surprising you didn't take his inconvenience into consideration. I know it can suck not having a car, but you have to improvise. Maybe take a bus or a cab, have a friend or family member take you, or if you have a train or subway take that...but you can't always rely on him to take you places...and you certainly can't "make" him do anything.
Of course he's bored. Being an unpaid chauffeur sounds pretty damn boring.
@amateurprose@xanga - Tarts AND cupcakes? You're hinting, aren't you?
@chronic_masticator@xanga - It was meant to be a subconscious attack,honey bun. You were supposed to be mysteriously compelled to send me baked goods,muffin.
@nihaokeisha@xanga - Well said, my good lady!
Love is a give and give situation. You give a little, he gives a little. Gas can be kinna xpensive and if you can get to him easily by walking or bus, that should be okay, go ahead and visit him.
I always try to meet Rose halfway. She calls me up on my phone and says, "I'm heading out now, see you soon !" And we both meet at the mall, halfway between her house and mine. She's got the balance worked out just right. Φ ≡
@amateurprose@xanga - Why thank you kind sir!
Damn, the comments for this post are pretty harsh! Xanga needs to chill oooouuuttt
I kinda get where this guy is coming from. It sounds like you might want/need a more submissive type of male (hard to come by), and this guy isn't running at your beck and call anymore. If that's not the kind of guy you want, then you have to think about that.
My fiance did the same thing when I was living at home with my parents. He lived over 30-40 minutes away- and gas is terribly expensive. Plus, we were in school, so it can be stressful for the guy.
I agree with @Kaythan@xanga; the comments got a bit harsh.
A real rarity and ultimate prize is the submissive type that is submissive because they're dominant... like a sort of gentle giant complex. Not submissive because he needs to be, but as a result of the desire to make you happy, specifically. Best of luck with your BF, but if it doesn't work out, consider what ^she^ said.
Do you at least pay for his gas? When my "guy" comes down from 3 hours away, I pay his gas all the time $30-$50. He knows I don't have a reliable car to go distance, but when I did have a car I made a trip sometimes when I could. He understands my car is a POS and he doesn't get on me for that, especially when I pay his way to and back. My car is in the shop again and this is the nth time. If you're not even paying for his gas to take you around I can see why he's really annoyed.
P.S. to some of the commentors O yeah such "bad asses," LMAO. They're at it again. Same ones as usual who think they're tough shit.
Why do people have to always comment with an attitude on here to get a point across?
It gets old when they say it with such condescending remarks all the time. Do real "adults" really behave like that all the time? I find that hard to believe that's how a so called REAL adult acts!
Cursing blogs out! Funny they claim they're "real" adults.
I don't think it is unreasonable for him to expect you to find your own ride to visit him sometimes, after all this is a relationship. I do think that maybe the terms he used wasn't the right wording. He could say it better. I suppose it depends on where you live, perhaps you can try walk/biking, or using public transportation? Expecting him to come to pick you up every time is unfair, in my opinion. Others suggested meeting halfway, that could work, too. Relationships involve compromise, you might want to consider that fact.
Unfortunately, sometimes not having a car is a deal-breaker in new relationships. It's not entirely fair, but it happens.
It depends on how far you live from him. Are there no public transportation modes around where you live? If he lives within 1 hour of a bus or train ride away then you should go to him.