I need help before I completely destroy what is left between my ex and I. I have been with him for 4 months, you would think by now that I would trust him a bit, right? Well for some reason I don't. Sadly, this is the longest relationship I've ever had. I feel such strong feelings for him. I am unsure if it's love, but I do like him a lot.
I will start from the beginning.
We met online on a dating site. I wasn't going to message him because he has this sports car, and I was thinking he was in it just for sex, as most guys are on the Internet. But instantly after we met, we clicked and had a great time. We stayed up until 8 in the morning! He kissed me that night too, and for the first time ever, I instantly felt feelings for someone. This could be one reason why I don't trust him. I found a lot of married and spoken for guys on there. I do not fear that he is on the website,
I fear when he goes out drinking, that he will cheat on me.
After a week of hanging out, he asked me out while we were camping with his friends (not in front of anyone). Then he introduced me to all his other friends once we got back, and his parents. After 2-3 weeks, I was at his house every night and have been until today. I pretty much lived there; all my stuff was there. Slept there every day, cooked, cleaned, helped out with the groceries.
However, I never trusted him, and I don't know why. I have assumptions, like us moving too fast, not getting in the relationship but pretty much moving in too early. I should have been staying a few nights a week, and just seeing him during the week.
This morning I decided that we needed space, but he doesn't want to be with me. He said I hurt him too much so he doesn't think we are together anymore, "but that doesn't mean we can't get back together." I thought maybe I could slow the relationship down so we can finally build the trust we don't have for each other. He trusts me more than i trust him obviously.
I honestly don't know what to do to get him back, and I don't know how to build trust with him.
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Comments (17)
sounds like he didn't really want to play games
I think he's the type to give people his trust until they show him that they don't deserve it. You're the type that needs people to earn your trust over a long period of time. Knowing this, it's easier for your ex to date someone while getting to know them. For you, it's probably easier for you to date someone after knowing them and being friends with them for a while.
Awww. *hugs*
Tell him to stop being a bitch. You hurt him too much...? -_-
I think you definitely moved way too quickly with your relationship! Have you explained your reasons for wanting space? I think it's not healthy that you don't trust him, you should trust your partner blindly. Though I'm not surprised seeing as you guys haven't been together for too long.
I suggest doing as you said and giving each other space. Reflect on your relationship and decide if you want to continue being with him.He doesn't trust you more than you trust him. He blatantly said that you hurt him. People don't trust people who hurt them.
You guys didn't do it right. But I never do it right either so I don't know what to tell you.
It sounds like you're just not ready for a relationship in general. lol Idk why you're having such doubts or why you're so paranoid (( since we all have our reasons )) but until you figure those out and fix those, you shouldn't be in a relationship. You could've really hurt someone over something that you couldn't control with yourself. And that's not okay.
People go at different paces since EVERY relationship is DIFFERENT. You could've been new for him. And could've been everything he wanted. You don't know. So for him, it was a big deal. And he was happy and living in the moment and not thinking about it. You were different and maybe even OVER thinking it a bit. Which is normal and happens...and since it wasn't going at a pace that's comfortable for you, it scared you. Especially if it was your longest relationship.
But it sounds to me that maybe you have commitment issues. And until those are fixed within yourself, and you figure what it is out...you shouldn't take on a relationship. And if you two are going at a different pace, and you both can't understand that and compromise, than maybe it's best if you're apart. Know what I mean?
Dear Martyr:
You moved in, did the chores, and you don't trust.
Start thinking before jumping into bed. What you've
described is not love.
damn... you suck... he sounds like a great guy and you just threw it all away... maybe you shouldn't get back with him because you're just going to hurt him.
Sounds like he has the trust issues and you've got it wrong. The only thingthat makes it a relationship is that you're THERE ALL THE TIME. I you have space, you're hurting him. That's fucked up
Don't play games then. He didn't hold a gun to your head and force you to move in with him and force you stay there all the time. If you didn't want to stay there all the time, then you shouldn't have. You're surprised he's upset? You basically just told him (through your actions) that you don't like him as much as you did and you want your space in case things go wrong, and that you don't trust him.
Look, don't move in with someone you don't trust. Don't do things with people that you're not comfortable with. If you only want to see him three days a week, don't go spend every night with him. Simple.
@oneLBcloser@xanga - not really. She shouldn't have moved in with him if she didn't trust him. She gave him the impression that she was committed, and now she wants to leave. Of course he's upset.
@daydreams_nightmares@xanga - It doesn't sound like a reall official "move in"... she sill has her own place, just never left his because she was all gaga for him. You make it sound like they dated and made the commitment to share space together. It just happened. She's trying to regain control because she realizes the whole thing got carried away and moved in without intending to....
@oneLBcloser@xanga - true, I just can see where he's coming from. I've been in a situation where I guy went from seeing me a lot (say, 3-4 times a week) to only wanting to see me once a week and it hurt me a lot. I just think people need to be more honest.
@daydreams_nightmares@xanga - it only happened to me once... The guy was over all the time and asked me if he could move in... I was already thinking we spent too much time together so quickly so I told him it wasn't a good idea. (we'd been dating a few weeks, like the OP) I guess he took it way more severely, becase he stopped seeing me all the time and started cheating on me right away. You're right people need to be more honest, but they also need to recognize honesty when they hear it. Time apart is healthy. You don't want to get sick of someone right away. Daily functions and habits should be reserved for someone you know well and are ready to be closer to.
Painful...find someone to talk to about this.. some third party counselor and get your head on straight..then, try another relationship. Good luck to you.
@Babii_Dragon@xanga - agreed.
you practically move in with a guy that you claim not to trust? I'd say that moving in with someone is a pretty strong nonverbal indication that you trust one another enough to share a living space together; but apparently that was a lie on your end. So you lead him on into thinking this is something serious and then pull the plug because of your internal turmoil?
I say let him go and put forth some effort into thinking about what you're doing next time.
I'm just confused as to why you moved so fast with someone you claim not to trust? I'm sorry, but it seems like you have some personal issues that you should probably address before even thinking about being with anyone else.
I get it, though, because I'm sure all of us have done something similiar at some point. I did, for sure. I was super insecure and just trying to be with someone for the sake of being with someone, and it all moved too quickly. Slow down and figure yourself out before getting someone else involved. Your love life will be miserable if you don't. I really wish somebody would've told me that when I was had the same issues.
I think you should think about the root of your trust issues. Are you unhappy with your looks or body? Does he not make you feel good about yourself? It sounds like its you, and I would personally read some self-help books and get therapy as soon as possible before you ruin another perfectly good relationship. You have to be okay with yourself before you can be in a relationship with someone else.