Wednesday, 05 December 2012
The dating process, at its core, is used as a means to get to know another person, whether the two people involved are interested in a long- or a short-term relationship. When one enters into a relationship with another person, the couple expects to learn many things about one another, from the other person’s basic values and moral beliefs to, eventually, the other person’s daily living habits. The two people often enter into conversations and share stories about their lives, from their early childhood days to present and everything in between.
What if you have a rather sensitive topic about your past – or current situation! – that you are not comfortable bringing up right away in a relationship? What if you have been to jail? Maybe you have kids with an ex and/or have been married and divorced once, or maybe twice, prior to this. Maybe you are not well off, financially, and are about to lose your home.
Some people are afraid that telling a new partner about, say, being in a poor financial situation or having been to jail before will scare that person off, especially if the two people have just begun seeing one another and the relationship itself is in the early developing stages. Will knowing that his/her partner is in a poor financial situation cause the new man or woman to wonder if his/her partner expects him/her to help pay the bills? Will knowing that his/her partner has been to jail hinder the new man or woman’s development of trust in that person?
On the other hand, why wait a long time to discuss these topics with a partner? Every person is the product of his/her experiences, both good and bad, and some people believe that if a person waits too long into a relationship to talk about such things with his/her partner, the partner may perhaps start to ponder if there is anything else the person may be hiding.
At what point in a new relationship do you choose to disclose such sensitive information? Do you inform your partner right away, hoping that knowing such information will not scare the person off, or do you wait a couple of months - or maybe longer! - to reveal this information, hoping that the extra time will help your interest form feelings and impressions about you independent of that information, but risk the person taking offense to the fact that you waited so long to reveal that information to him or her later on?