Saturday, 01 December 2012
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He Had a Girlfriend the Whole Time
I don't know how I should be feeling right now. I'm not the type to express my emotions, or craziness.I grew up with a good friend, and he has an older brother. I'm 18, he's 25. It was the night of the exhibition in my home town, a big farm show. This was the night when I really met his older brother. He's in the army so I'm going to call him "Army Guy." The night we met, we flirted like crazy, and when I got home I found two messages from him. We talked and figured out that I was going to university in the same town that he lived.
A week after I moved there, he called me up and wanted to hang out. We went to the fair, and he was amazing; just funny, nice, and adorable. Walking home, he pushed me up against a building and kissed me. It was just all around amazing. I went back to his place that night. Once we were in his house, he lifted me up onto his hips and kissed me again. Just all around butterflies.
We spent the whole weekend together, sleeping in the same bed, but not having sex. Sunday morning was our first time. That whole week, he'd call me almost every night, and take me for random drives. The next weekend, as it was pouring down rain, he put on some music, dragged me outside, and started dancing with me. Again, he lifted me and kissed me.
He was so nice and cute, I just couldn't believe it. Everyone was warning me not to get attached, that it was too good to be true. I didn't believe them.
He goes away for work a lot, so the night before he left for a week, I was at work. I got off early and walked to his place, and he wasn't there, so I hung out with his roommate. Army Guy showed up 15 minutes later, asking me where I was. I said I was here. He went to Dairy Queen to get my favorite thing and surprise me by picking me up at work. He was just so sweet.
But he was gone for a week. During that week, I was drinking, and I messaged him saying I missed him. The reply I got in the morning? "I don't want to see you anymore. I never intended for you to ever like me as much as you do. I am sorry for leading you on. I do not see a romantic connection between us."
What the fuck is that?
All I said back was, "I see." I became good friends with his roommate. She's my age and really nice, so when he was back, one night I went over to hang out with her. He acted like normal, doing little things for me, but he only hugged me good night. Again, a week later, I messaged him and asked if I could use his house as a quiet study place. He said sure.
He picked me up from work and had my favorite liquor, so we just sat, talked and drank.
We slept together, too.
Then I found out he had a girlfriend. His roommate told me. He still hasn't talked to me about it; he deleted me off Facebook and deleted my number from his phone. She's moving in at the end of the month.
I don't know how I should be feeling. It was my own stupidity. And here I am on a Thursday night dog sitting for him, and watching him all weekend.
Am I crazy?
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About the Author
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- From: Mysoultotake@xanga
- Name: Mysoultotake
- Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada
- About Me: 18, At UNB. Miss home more then anything. Cant figure this damn site out. But i love it
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Comments (38)
Get out of his life. You keep putting yourself in situations where you will get hurt. Move on from him. He's a guy that can't say "no", so don't dog sit, don't go over to his house to study, stay away from him or I am afraid you will have more confusion and more hurt down the road.
You got infatuated; crazy. Infatuation is sometimes referred to as "foolish love" but this in no way means that an 18 yo falling for a 25 yo young man is foolish. It happens a lot.
You explained your attraction... nothing more need be. However, now you know why dating experts say to hold off on sex and THINKING TOO MUCH about feelings of love when a relationship is getting started.
I guess about it that the young man was passionate and that he tested your feelings for him quickly; probably he was hoping to have some sex and fun. Perhaps he then sensed by your visits and by what you said that you want stability of commitment. It seems by what you've described that that is where he fell away from the relationship. Unless he clearly says he wants that from you, he is not likely to want to give that to you.
So, you are on your own to figure out what you want to do. You and he may enjoy a continuation of a more casual relationship with fun and sex. If you present opportunities (in his mind) he'll perhaps hook up... or maybe this dog sitting thing is a sign of trading for giving you a place to hang out... My guess is that if he senses that you want commitment that he'll back off. He seems to me to want nearly total freedom to do as he pleases.
It is not unusual for young men to hook up with even younger women and experiment with this, a casual sort of friends sort of lovers life. He'll get lots of thumbs up for conquering another female from his army buddies.
Best wishes.
Feeling hurt? Don't hurt yourself over this. Learn from it and move on rather than hold a grudge.
He's a piece of shit. You made a mistake (it happens to the best of us) and probably have lingering feelings as a result of the deception. That's going to be the hardest part, unfortunately. But when dealing with those feelings, it's important to remember that he's a giant fucking piece of shit. Let his being a giant piece of shit be the light that guides your path.
Bleh. Why do people do this to themselves?
You deserve so much better than that, but looking for it is self-defeating. You're not crazy, you're young, naive, and impatient.
You're putting yourself into his life. It will be harder to get over him if he's still easily accessible. Cut all connections with him because quite frankly, he doesn't care about you. It's obvious that you care about him so much, but if you meant the same to him he wouldn't have deleted you from his Facebook and his phone so easily.
I've been in a similar situation, and all I can say is it happens. You're not stupid, you were merely a victim of someone's lying and unfaithfulness. BUT, if you keep trying to remain in his life then you are stupid. He lied to you, and was unfaithful to his girlfriend. Why are you trying to remain his friend? You're being used, so snap out of it. You are so much better than that. Know your self worth and find a decent guy that will know it too.
To be honest, you sound like a dumb kid. You're only 18 and you're doing all of the stuff you mentioned with a 25 year old. That is a huge difference. I'm 22. You sound like a baby to me. Just ditch him and date a younger guy at your university. You'll have a better time.
P.S. Not saying he isn't a dick. Just stay away from him.
No, you are not crazy. You got played. You need to find someone else who is not a deal breaker.
i'm not really sure what you're asking of us. the "are you crazy" had nothing to do with the rest of the post.
I don't know a single 25 year old guy (which I know a lot of them, that's my age range) with a good reason to see an 18 year old girl, other than to sleep with her. I know that's a large generalization, but in my experience, it tends to be true. It seems to be true in this case as well.
Move on, go to college and meet new people who won't fuck you, ignore you and then expect you to watch their dog.
Why would you even do things for him if he treated you so badly?
You're not crazy. You're just stupid. I wouldn't be "dog sitting" his crap after that!
Glutton for punishment, but no, not crazy. Ignore him, get with another guy who will treat you like a person and not a mistake he can use for his own pleasure whenever he feels froggy.
I was in a similar situation as you. When I was 18 I dated a guy who was 22 and unbeknownst to me, he had a girlfriend. Scum. He was also very charming and passionate and thrilling. He was also very much scum. Because no matter how anyone justifies it, someone who can cheat on someone for a long period of time just doesn't care enough about other people.
The only thing you can do is force yourself to move on. He will never be what you need him to be, he will only continue to hurt you. There is no worth in continuing to know him.
@wyrdkismet@xanga - I agree. You got played...by both of them. Just move on.
What a douchebag. You should tell his girlfriend what happened between you and her boyfriend. He deserves a life of loneliness.
What is the point of this post? No you're not crazy, you were just a naive foolish girl who got a little too infatuated and used by a douchebag who only wanted to get inside your pants. Sucks it ended up that way, but hopefully you've learned a good lesson from this. Why are you still in contact with him, much less dog sitting for him? You need to cut this asshole out of your life and let his girlfriend know that he cheated on her! Especially since she's moving in with him. No one deserves this dick.
Red flags all over this.. Don't try to contact him.. There are many other fishes in the sea...
As I said, the red flags are waving furiously... Leave...and don't come back.
Find someone else.
I see only heartbreak ahead for you.. Sounds as if he is using you for sex....
I think you were putting yourself in this situation on purpose. You knew better yet you befriended his roomate, asked to use HIS place to study (sounds like desperation just to be able to be near him hoping he will change his mind by you being around... there are libraries and your own home!), and thensleeping with him again after he said he misled you.
@____@ For real?"We spent the whole weekend together,sleeping in the same bed, but not having sex."
weekend: 2 days.
"Sunday morning was our first time."
LOL @ how you tried to make it appear like sex was never a part of his agenda because he was so romantic and had the ability to contain his dick inside his pants for one day during your stay.
are you really 18? LOLyou're not crazy, you're stupid. On a positive note, at least you got the d!
@LeeKymKween@xanga - haha exactly:D
You're not crazy. I agree with an above commenter; you're infatuated. Cut off all ties from his crappy self, eat some ice cream, cry to sad music and move forward. Don't keep hanging around him hoping things will be like they used to be, because even if he did leave his girlfriend for you, there's always the chance that he would one day do that to you.
Man, that sucks. But why the heck are you dog-sitting for him after all that??
move on girl. i know it's difficult sometimes to just to cut a guy off because you have fun with him. trust me, ive been there, ive stayed way longer than i shouldve. you don't want to make excuses for him and have an epiphany years down the road that this was all in vain. cut him out of your life, block his calls. even if the sex is good its not worth it.
It happens....
You felt infatuated with each other. You had fun and intimacy and sex.
You felt more attached to him than he did to you. He clearly told you this.
He is willing to be friends with benefits if you are.
If you aren't able to disconnect and be a friend with benefits, you need to disengage completely.
(All the people calling you/him/girlfriend various names need to just grow up and accept reality. Sometimes people have flings, and yes sometimes people have fiends with benefits.)
Tell his girlfriend. She doesn't deserve to be with someone like him. She deserves to know and be able to make the decision about whether or not to stay with someone who will put her health and life in jeopardy. You have no right to make that decision for her by not telling her.
Cheaters need to be caught and punished. If there are no consequences they'll just keep doing it, until one day YOU'LL find yourself with a cheating boyfriend and AIDS because everyone was too afraid to get involved and tell you he was cheating.
Don't be a bystander.