This post was submitted by Shawna.
I have a problem that I've tried to figure out myself or rather, just not think about. I can't help but feel scared about the fact that after being in a relationship for two months with my current boyfriend, I said, "I love you." I didn't realize I had said it but I meant it. He didn't say it back and he told me he would rather wait until the time felt right.
However, we just had our five month anniversary and I'm still waiting. I worry because I always thought you knew you were in love with someone within a couple of hours or days, then you simply hold off until the time is right. Even though we have had a number of romantic dates and spontaneous moments, he still hasn't said it back.
I'm not sure I can wait much longer if it gets past the six month mark because I would feel like I was buying time or just waiting for him to realize he is never going to develop the feelings for me that I have for him. He starts work after Christmas and will be flying back and forth to Russia.
Although I trust him, I'm afraid if he realizes he doesn't feel the same while abroad, he may cheat. I could do with some advice.
How long is too long before your significant other tells you he loves you back?
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Comments (26)
y does that even matter?
words are meaningless. i know 2 people who told their partners they loved them but cheated on them anyway. actions are much more important.
funny this came up twice in one day.
Well, here it is. The words "I love you" need to be accompanied with your actions everyday. You should not say that you love him unless your actions support it.
Is this man a "shy" type (doesn't say too much, or keeps to themselves more often than not)? It may have an effect. But observe him and see if you can spot ways where he SHOWS that he loves you. If you find those spots, then you may not be doomed. If you cannot, then you may need to discuss with him about how you both TRULY feel for each other to see what he thinks. He may just need some more nudging than just words.
Hope this helps a little.
If you feel loved, that's the only thing that really matters.
Everyone moves at a different pace, woman. Hold your horses! I do believe that actions speak louder than words. And if you love him, you shouldn't feel that he has a deadline to tell you he loves you back. Smh.
i have a general rule for love, i always wait for him to tell me he loves me first and usually within the 1st year of the relationship. if he doesn't tell me w/in that first year, then it means he doesn't really want to be with me. but i won't say i love you until almost a year.
Forget those first comments. when you dall in love, you want to yell it out loud and hear it right back!
So of course if you're feeling so in love and he says he doesn't want to say it because he isn't ready (aka not in love with you) then of course you will be upset and wonder WTF?! I say ask him why and if you need to move on because you know your feelings and want them reciprocated. Otherwise this will bother you too much.“Nothing is hidden from us.”
- Albert Einstein
Decision-making is often driven by feeling, intuition, and by speculations and hunches.
You say "I love you" because? Is the reason because you love him?
Is the reason because you feel love with him? Do you love him?
What do you do when he speaks to you? Do you immediately open your heart to him?
Do you wonder what may happen if you can face your insecurity and ask more about what he likes, how he feels just now, what he prefers, etc.?
Is he being caring and demonstrating being caring?
Search your heart. What do you feel and what do you know about what he feels? Don't think too much. Sometimes you must forge the way rather than fall back on feelings.
Be loving and caring. Be that and likely that is what you will also receive.
As I read what others said, I think most are advising that you may get better at being in love and not worry so much about the days and weeks of the unknown future. The advice by ShirleyD is a way to go... I see no harm there... except if it is narcissism by making his experience less important that yours.
Want to "make" him more loving? Read: http://www.lovepanky.com/women/how-to-tips-and-guide-for-women/how-to-make-him-call-you-more
Best wishes!
you think your relationship is doomed because he doesn't say "I love you" back right away? lololol
Saying 'I love you' does not cause someone to not cheat. If someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. Maybe he's just not ready, it doesn't have to do with time. Some people fall in love slowly, and some people fall in love all at once. It's not a race. If nothing else is wrong, I wouldn't worry about it so much. Let him take his time, be patient with him, and trust him. Don't assume he's going to cheat on you. If he cares about you, he won't. It doesn't necessarily have to do with love. Of course you're feeling hurt that you said it and he hasn't said it back, but it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it, he just wants to be 100% certain. Everyone is different.
maybe dat vato is a machismo
Not every person falls in love in a few hours or days.. that's just a stupid theory. While I agree that 6 months is a long time to go without saying he loves you back, sometimes a guy just doesn't feel that right away. You could have a conversation with him about it, but I might not worry about it unless it's been a year & he still hasn't said he loves you.
You've only been together five months. Not everyone feels comfortable about saying "I love you" that early. If the relationship is working and you're happy otherwise, breaking up would be ridiculous.
everyone moves at different paces. worry not, everything will be fine. :)
....There's an "appropriate" time frame for people to say that they love each other?
This is beyond ridiculous. If you want to say it, then say it. And if he wants to say it, he'll say it too. Unless of course, he doesn't, and that sucks.
But sweet zombie Jesus, Datingish, what's with all the damsel-in-distress posts today? "Why can't men put the toilet seat down, my boyfriend won't quit playing video games, my boyfriend disgusts me and I think he gave me an STD but I don't know if I should get tested, my boyfriend hasn't told me if he loves me and I'm getting worried because I'm an impatient airheaded twat who buys into all the asinine 'dating rules' instead of following my own instincts if I were to actually have any, whine whine whine."
Well hell none of this will matter after 12-21 anyway.
Granny is snickering.The truth is each PERSON is different, and everyone has a different look on love. I have noticed that people can say "I love you" but do not mean it, sometimes they just want to be IN LOVE. However saying it, and feeling it are two different things. I actually am guilty of saying I love you before I actually meant it, HOWEVER I did end up falling in love. First date was in December, we both said I love you in January. The reason I said it? Because I was seriously infatuated by his presence, he is such an ambitious, confident, everything a girl wants in a type guy, and the best part I knew him forever.. I was falling in love, but I was not IN LOVE when I said it... It took me until the summer, to realize that somewhere between enjoying each others company, I had seriously FALLEN in love. The day I had this epiphany, I wished to myself that I could have saved the words "I love you" because it could have been that more magical and sweeter.
Maybe he really is waiting for the right moment. Only you would be able to tell, you love him right? Then you probably understand him best.
My advice is to live in the moment, and let fate do the rest. =]
I understand where you're coming from.There's nothing wrong with wanting the person you love to love you back. The problem with this stuff is keeping it in perspective because there may be a lot of discouragement. But if you really care about him and he is really good to you, I would suggest talking to him and waiting longer if you have to.
My sister said "I love you" to her boyfriend after 5 months and he didn't say it back either. Well, actually, he accidentally said it back and then took it back a day later (ouch). He said he didn't want to say it again until he was sure. Although it hurt her a lot, she said she couldn't fault him for being honest. By all other means, he was/is a great boyfriend to her.By 8 months he finally said it.The other day was their one year. And they say I love you all da time now :)
not in my opinion...love takes a long time...and only time will tell.
Everyone's different and for some ppl, they feel most comfortable waiting to say the BIG words. 6 months may not be enough... To be 'in love' there must be mutual feelings and they often take time to develop...
Patience is a virtue...
There are so many things skewed with this I can't even....
......................
What is love? How do you know after hours and days? How do you know someone for who they are in such a time? Are humans so simple things? Is it not expected to take time to know someone?
Above and beyond all. you should appreciate what he said. He is being honest. He isn't saying thing for the sake of sounding nice and good. He's taking you feeling seriously. And to that, you put a time limit.
And "I trust him" but " I don't want to wait" and "he may cheat" don't seem consistent logically.
It isn't a matter of patience or waiting...it's honestly reevaluating your position. Because that may get you in trouble down the line. Or at least cause you heart ache.
good luck.
@chronic_masticator@xanga - Thank you. I don't want to smack my head against the desk as much now.
Really? Six months? That's it?
I don't know about your guy, but I've run into multiple situations where me saying I love you meant one thing for me and something different for her, and as a result, I just generally don't say it anymore. The argument that you should know within a few months may apply to some people, but if there's one thing I've learned about love and relationships:
It works differently for different people.
Personally, I can't imagine knowing for sure that I love somebody to what I'm guessing is your standard of "love" within 6 months. While it is possible that means I just haven't had it yet, I think it is much more likely that that's just the way my emotions work. To me part of knowing I truly love somebody would be when I am still infatuated by them like a year or more later.
@ShirleyD@xanga - One of the simplest, wisest possible responses to this perennial question. :)
It's not doomed, as long as he's showing you that he loves you.