Call me stupid, but in the beginning of my last relationship, I gave my boyfriend the password to my Facebook account.
I honestly barely questioned the action at the time. I wasn't hiding anything. I was in love and thought we'd be together forever. Also, a password isn't permanent-- I knew I could always change it if things got bad. Well, things got bad, and I was not prepared for what I'd endure.
After being together for 11 months, my boyfriend and I were spending the summer together working at a sleepaway camp. A month into the summer, it became clear that we were going to break up. We started fighting all the time, I heard he'd been intimate with other girls, and I was losing interest myself. I wanted to confide in my best friends back at home about what was going on, so one night, I changed my Facebook password and sent a private message to my friend
about my dilemma-- about how things had turned pretty bad, my boyfriend was seen with another girl, and how my friend Jake at home had been texting me all summer long.The next morning, my boyfriend approached me looking angry as ever.
He crossed his arms and said, "Who's Jake?" I immediately freaked out. How had he been able to read my message? I changed my password! Then I realized... I had also e-mailed
the same message to another friend who didn't have Facebook. While trying to log into my Facebook that morning, my boyfriend realized I changed my password and became suspicious. He then used the same password to get into my email account and read the message I sent to my friend all about him.
Obviously, we ended up breaking up. And now I acknowledge that it was partially, if not wholly, my fault for giving him my password at one point. At the same time, I would've felt weird if he had withheld his password from me when we were very in love-- I'd be questioning what he was hiding from me. So, the question remains: Is it okay, in a serious relationship, to not give your SO your password?
In an ideal world, I think that I'd want my SO to be willing to share his password with me, but I would never look at his private stuff. That way, both partners feel a high degree of trust in the other. If I knew that my boyfriend wouldn't mind if I looked at his e-mails, I'd feel confident that there was nothing for me to look at. But maybe I feel too great a sense of entitlement. Maybe I don't have the right at all to care if he has something to hide. What do you think? What are the rules of sharing passwords in relationships today? image source