Wednesday, 28 November 2012
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Broken Hearts and Hopeful Love
It's been four months since I had my heart broken. It was ironic, just several months before that I met someone who asked if I'd ever had my heart broken. I said "no" with a happy smile. I counted myself as one of the lucky ones, especially at my age, being in my mid 20's. Sure I'd dated but I thought perhaps I could actually get through life without having to experience the horrible agony of feeling like your heart had been ripped out of your chest. He was probably thinking, "You damn fool, it'll come." And if he was thinking that, he was right.Did I think I could feel emotional pain like that? Over one person? Over just 1.5 years of my life? Crying every night for weeks, not being able to eat, that hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach. At that time I didn't even feel like all our good memories would be worth the pain I felt. I regretted our time spent together if this is how it would end up. A week after it happened, a friend asked, "Don't you think the lessons you've learned through your time together are worth it?" Ask me again in a few months maybe.
Clearly she had never felt this way before. But how could I fault her. After all, just a few months ago that would probably have been me saying that to some other poor hapless broken heart. But...it does get better. I had countless conversations with various friends, female and male, about what love is, why it is, how it is. And what's left of love when it all ends. And still, nobody really knows.It's all speculation, subjectivity and opinions. But that's the glory of it right, that no one can really solve the mystery of love and yet everyone has experienced it in some way, shape, or form.
It's strange how the healing process of mending a broken heart has made me more positive. Yes, I wallowed and broke down and curled up in bed wrapped in misery and my negative thoughts, mulling over every minute detail of our relationship in my mind and going through all the "what ifs," past, present and future. After that though, however long you feel like you need to be in that stage, you have to leave it in the past because you just can't stay in that stage forever. It will destroy you.
Then, the only way to make sense of everything that happened is to use everything you've learned from it all and be a better person, and to treat others with the compassion that came out of the experience.There is always love out there. It comes in many different forms, but one day, you and I will find what we're searching for.
Take risks, because what else is there of life if we don't?
Have you experienced your first heartbreak? What was it like?
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- From: timecast@xanga
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Comments (28)
I was 17. It was the end of a 4 year relationship. I cried for seven months.
I don't think I ever felt heartbreak - just the sense of betrayal so deep and blinding that all I could do was think revenge.
I was 17.
It's good to have your heart broken because it teaches you that it is possible to move on and fall in love with someone else, and that there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Nope, never. Heartbreak is pulling into a McDonalds drive-thru at 1am for fries and they're closed even though it says they're open till midnight or later and the guy in the drive-thru window gives you that "You don't actually see me here." look.
I was sad at first
later I was mad
psh plenty of guys would be dying to be with me. but I don't want those guys
I want to be with him. but he's scummy, why would I pine over a scumbag. so I snapped out of it later and felt mad again
and thought to myself why would I feel sad/mad over a scumbag
after the rollercoaster of sadness and madness...I had enough dizziness. since then, I've only allowed adorableness into my life
I will cut them out of my life with my metaphorical machete
if I've ignored them, that most likely means that I don't find them adorable anymore. life is too wondrous to let scumbags ruin it. hurt me and I'm gonna cut you 1 trillion times stronger
@genie_inabottle@xanga - "It's good to have your heart broken because it teaches you that it is possible to move on and fall in love with someone else..."
In the same way that it's good to get wedgies because it makes your butt stronger and more resilient to wedgies, right?
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - The words "pine" and "pining" are being used more and more on Datingish lately like a trend. I formally request that you and anyone else who intends to use either word instead use a thesaurus to find a less annoying word because all it makes me think of are those car air-fresheners that are shaped like little pine trees and a short video plays in my mind of that scene from Tommy Boy where Tommy (Chris Farley) rubs a pine tree air-freshener all over his suit and goes into a business meeting to save his dad's company (and I hear that line in my head over and over again where the black factory worker excitedly repeats "Tommy just sold a half a million brake pads!") and it gives me a mental image of snow-capped alpine mountains and mountain goats... which then makes me think of iPods because when using terminal to manually (un)install apps on a jailbroken iPod Touch the root password is factory-set to "alpine" which gives me a mental image of a command prompt with green letters kind of like the cascading green letters from The Matrix which uses the font "Terminal".
Have I ever mentioned that I have unbelievable visual/auditory/spatial memory? Must be an autistic thing...
"Y'all just halfway thoughts
Not worth the back of my mind" - Pitbull, Back in Time
@T3hZ10n@xanga - it is more disgusting that you know the pw of ipods. and you use numbers as letters in your sn. I'm the originator of xanga and been here before you and your numeric name was conceived. pfft peons!
@T3hZ10n@xanga - does it make your butt strong enough to hold in all farts? I never been given a wedgie.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - "and you use numbers as letters in your sn."
Says P0RCELA1N_D0LL... lol. You have just as many numeric letters in your name as I have in mine.
Change the first zero to a three and we're like twins.
I was 14 with my first, and I thought that would be the worst ever, but it happened again at 15, and that one cut even deeper.
Oh my. lol
I dated him for 4 years. Went to high school together and came into college together. I spent as much time with him as humanly possible, and sometimes even more. My whole universe revolved around him. I couldnt get enough of who he was, what he was, and how he opened my narrow-minded little brain to new ideas. We broke up my junior year, were fuck buddies for 6 months after the initial breakup, and I literally BEGGED him to take me back. I made a complete and utter fucking idiot out of myself for a guy who couldnt see what I did for him and wouldnt appreciate it. I started dating someone who actually appreciated me (and still am dating him 2 1/2 years later :) ), but the scars from my first love will not go away. I love him wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more than he deserves by any logical persons perspective.
And I cried for nearly a year afterward, even in a new relationship. Thank God my boyfriend is actually more of a best friend than a jealous lover b/c no one else could tolerate it. Its gotten better, I dont talk about him anymore, he went to Japan for a year and came back a more mature person so Im happy for him. We both still love each other but that is never enough.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - my point is that I had the numeric number sn first
I'm Adam and you're Eve-you branched off of me. Without me, there is no you. I am the creator
lol i never cared. wtff
bleeding heartsss
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - So you're pulling the advanced Darwinism card? *sigh*
http://youtu.be/yGx2UifvsLY?t=2m34s Can't argue that.
But .. That's just me.
Good luck with your heartache .. This to shall pass.
Just like you, I was so full of myself thinking I'm lucky and probably could escape the fateful heartbreak, But I was wrong, I let my guard down on a non-committed r/s, and got my heart broken in the end. I found it really hard to move on, but eventually got through it. the memories still comes back to me every now and then, it hurts so much at first, but it got better and now its serves as a constant reminder to me. The good side to it was , as you've said, I've grown more compassionate to people around me, and Instead of being jaded, I'm more faithful, that I would one day find the happiness i'm searching for, and that, I deserve every bit of it. :)
Nope, because I'm starting to think I'm incapable of falling in love. But I guess we'll see.
i also thought i was one of the lucky ones. i made it to 18 without ever experiencing heartbreak and since i was with the person i believed i was going to spend the rest of my life with, i would sometimes laugh inwardly at how i managed to escape heartbreak and get it right the first time. boy, was i in for a wake up call. out of nowhere he dumped me and i spent the next six months of my life crying about how much i missed him and feeling like life wasn't even worth it without him.
BUT, i made it through. and i am thankful that, like you, it hasn't made me into a bitter person but a more hopeful one. i see now the mistakes i made in that relationship so i am thankful that i learned my lesson. and i know i may have to go through a couple more heartbreaks before i find the right one, but i am confident that it's out there for me and the wait will be worth it.
@T3hZ10n@xanga -
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
perfect.
Nicely written post! It sounds like you have learned a lot. Strange as it sounds, I kind of like looking back at my first heartbreak because it was such a learning experience. After all of the sleepless nights and misery I look back now with a lot more wisdom and realize it really wasn't so bad at all. Sure it felt like it at the time, but I know now that I was just young and didn't really understand that things don't have to suck as bad as you think :)
I had thought my heart was broken in High School a couple of times. I was wrong, of course.
I have had my heart broken but no because I was dumped by someone I truly loved. My heart broke when I broke the man I loves heart. Way, way back before we were serious... way, way before we knew we would one day get married and have children (we have a beautiful family now, very happily married) I broke my husbands heart. And to see him in such pain broke tore me up inside. I'd like to think I've made up for that pain, now.
It hurts on both ends. Being the heart breaker and being the heart broken.
@bmillerssailor@xanga - "It hurts on both ends."
Joke: Successfully Repressed
You're welcome.
My husband and I split for three weeks. We were both fighting a lot, not getting along... It was split or eventually get divorced. It came out of no where though. I was HISTARICAL. I called my best friend, and she couldn't even understand me. But she knew to pack the baby in the car and get to my house. My mom couldn't understand me and she was standing infront of me.
It was horrible. He didn't talk to me for four days. And when he did, I didn't know what to think. I was going back and fourth on what I really wanted. I finally asked him if he was willing to go to marriage counseling. He said yes.
After talking things out in couseling, we got back together and our relationship is stronger than before. I can't imagion life without this man. I love him more than words could ever think to say.
Even though we are still together, that was the worst heart breaking moment ever. Thinking I was going to lose my world, broke me emotionally. I'm just happy we worked through our differences.
20 and i haven't been there yet...i hear heartbreaks are like the chickenpox, though - the older you are when your first one hits, the worse it is.