Yet another of my friends will be engaged here pretty soon and I'm so far from finding someone. My friends are asking when I'll start dating again or if I even plan on getting married.
They act like not dating someone is a decision I've made. Truth is, the guy I'm interested in doesn't want to date me & the few guys that do want to date me, either I've already dated, I'm not interested in or they've got too much crap wrong with them for me to even think about it.
I've been single every holiday season, why change it now?
It seems like almost everyone from my high school class has graduated college, gotten married & had kids. They have their lives figured out, & I'm still stuck doing the same thing I was doing in high school. Still don't know what I want to do in life, still can't find a job & still can't keep a relationship for more than a few months.
Guys still see me as the 'hot girl' they only want to sleep with, not have a relationship with.
I'm sick of always being the single & awkward 3rd wheel, which happens every time I'm out with friends. I went to a bar with one of my best friends & her guy friend. I had a cold & she still dragged me out, & tried getting random guys to talk to me. I feel like the pity case.
Anybody else know what I'm talking about?
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Comments (22)
Believe it or not, there is more to life than marriage and children.
I'm personally tired of attractive women complaining about being interested in guys who are not interested in them enough. Most guys will think you are hot and probably think about what it would be like to have sex with you the moment they see you. You'll have to take a leap and talk to a guy to get to know him and see if he ends up being more than just sexually attracted to you. I know it might seem like you are making yourself too easy, but there is a risk no matter what strategy you take. If you are the type of girl that attracts guys who play "the game" you might attract guys who are used to not being attached to women, especially if they are really good at "the game". Speaking as a guy, I have to make myself less attached in order to overcome rejection since I can't depend on women approaching me. And I don't want to be detached so there is a fine line I often stumble on. I want to respect the personality of a woman but the social pressure to play "the game" properly implies I should assume women are prizes automatically, but such an assumption can only be based on looks since that is the only thing you automatically detect. But if she finds out you have sex on the mind you are screwed. lol
You are not alone. People in my class are on their 3rd and 4th kid, and I'm not even in a serious relationship. I'm actually pursuing someone new who's not even thinking about marriage as he is in a different ball park than me. Yes! I know exactly what you mean because most guys view me the same way. If I don't give them what they want they won't even be my platonic friend. I'm shocked that I've been able to keep my fwb around for 4 1/2 years. Usually guys just leave after a few weeks even if it's unofficial. He actually wanted to get to know me but I don't see me marrying him so I need to move on from that to find someone that I do see myself marrying.
This is why I always focus on working and if someone just happens to come along when I'm not looking I'll go with the flow. I've also been single every holiday season but I do have a cuddle buddy as a back up and he has me as a back up if we don't have anyone.
maybe because you aren't a well rounded person that they don't want a relationship with you just like you don't want a relationship with those guys, who have all those things wrong with them.
my bf likes the way that I look, adores my personality and also praises my professional life at work. he says that I have good work ethics. what appealing characteristics do you have other than appearances? what goals do you have? how have you tried to accomplish them? I go by the philosophy to be awesome yourself, then find someone, who is also awesome, then you can be awesome together. awesome attracts awesome
Why change it now? Really? It seems like there's pressure on you from others for you to find someone, to date someone, etc; it's like an expectation placed upon you. On top of that, you're saying that you're seen as a hot girl that people wanna sleep with, which points more towards you being concerned with how people think about you. So the question is, how do you think about yourself?
You don't know what you want to do. you can't find a job, and keep a relationship. So what now?
The question is, do you know yourself? Knowing yourself can lead to knowing what you want, how to get what you want, doing the things to get what you want. By knowing yourself, another person can know who you are because you can show them who you are (if you don't know who you are, how can they know who you are?)
So with these things in mind, what do you currently have? What things can you currently do (and yes, don't underestimate yourself, there's something you can do, no matter how simple they are, even being a good listener is something believe it or not). Overall, I feel like you should take some time to do some soul searching, and at the same time, do things that you've never really done and test yourself, and your character. Really gauge who you are as a person and from there, you can see for yourself how to direct yourself in life, and things from there will fall into place: what to do in life, getting a job, keeping a relationship.
You may still be a hot girl that everyone wants to sleep with still after figuring things out, but having a more stable mindset on things, you'll be able to see past all of those drooling slobs and set your eyes on someone with quality that would see who you are as a person, and yes, rock your world in the bedroom at some point (smiles).
Why do guys see you as the girl who they can just sleep with? That's a pretty important question to ask if you're looking for a relationship - have you rushed into sex in the past, or have you slept with a few guys without commitment? Guys talk and if they've heard that you have done those things, they might not see you as relationship material.
Also, it seems like you have a negative attitude, and it does put guys off. You need to at least appear confident even if you don't feel it, and people will be more drawn to you even when you're not trying.
"Guys still see me as the 'hot girl' they only want to sleep with, not have a relationship with."
that made me laugh.
You gotta have more going for you than your looks. If you don't, your self percieved good looks may just make you ugly if you have no personality. So if you're that unable to keep a relationship... gain more substance as a person? Otherwise your negative attitude will get you nowhere.
That guys don't want to be in a relationship with a hot girl is a false assumption.
Yeah I definitely know the feeling. Always being viewed as a sex object, just that hot girl. It's a shame really. But no seriously, who cares? I get asked by most of my friends all the time "met anyone new yet?" "Dating yet?" "got a girlfriend?" "how long do you plan on staying single?" "Why are you so picky?" Etc etc. But really it'll happen when it happens no sense in stressing over it.
Being hot is a problem?
Also, you're probably cray cray. Guys won't stay with a chick who is crazy, but they will have sex with them. Yeah, I've never heard of this problem really. either you are not as hot as you say or you have issues.Or worse...you're boring. fix that.Let people ask. It's just a question. The invasive question from friends and family will never stop. As far as men only wanting hot girls just for sex, that's not always true. Men will notice you for your looks, and become intrigued, allured, and interested in you as a person if you have more to offer than just your looks. I'm sure that you have more going for you than your looks, it may be time to find a new circle of friends that you can do things with besides hanging out at the bar. That scene gets old after a while.
Can't relate, but it's not hard to see why most would not want to be in a serious relationship with a grown adult who hasn't got their life together yet. Work on yourself first, love comes later.
I guess what bothers me, if anything, about watching my friends get engaged is knowing I won't be seeing much of them anymore. I don't really feel any pressure to get married. If anything, I feel this weird instinctual pull to find a mate, settle down & start popping out kids, but it really battles with my desire to be free & travel & all that fun stuff.
Anyway, onto the advice part. It does suck & feel awkward to be the third wheel, especially when you can't convince your friend to just leave the damn bf home for once & have a girl's night. So I decided to start dating. Ironic, huh? Don't confuse that with, "Go fall in love & get engaged!" because I was most definitely not thinking about that when I began dating. Anyway, my reason behind this was that I just get along better with guys, period, & I wanted to find someone who is both a best friend & someone that maybe I'll fall in love with. In the meantime, I make a great connection, possibly a lifelong friend, if not something more, & if my friend wants to do something & bring her boyfriend along, no more awkward third wheel. My point is, putting yourself out there isn't a terrible idea. I mean, I had originally resolved to just find more female friends to hang out with, but again, I get along so much better with guys, & I also didn't want to make another female friend only to lose her when she got a boyfriend.
It's ok to take things slow. It really is. I found a guy who is in the same place as me, who's mainly looking for companionship that will hopefully blossom into something more. & so far, it's worked out great. We enjoy every moment, every new discovery, & are hopefully building a good foundation for something more- but for the moment, I'm just happy I have someone to enjoy life with instead of waiting for my friends to ditch the boyfriend for one night!
Discover your purpose and pursue it. 30years from now you would be more satisfied with your achievements than your relationship status. I know a lot of miserable married ladies/men. It is better to be single and successful than married and unsuccessful.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - hear, hear!
I think it is better that you can be content to be single rather than feeling a need to constantly be hanging all over someone else. Honestly, those people who seem like they *always* have to be dating or in a relationship are annoying...and though they may think that it is the best way to go I have my suspicions that these people are insecure and unhappy with themselves. These people define themselves on their relationships with others. I'm not into co-dependence.
Be yourself. Be happy with yourself. If you're being happy with yourself I think you are more likely to build meaningful relationships with others rather than forcing things as if there is some need that must be fulfilled.
yes, but my case is not as serious as yours seems to be.
Whoa who's the girl in the white shirt with the mean mug on her face?
She's gorgeous and her haircut is so cute! Anyway, this problem or
concern is actually very common, so let me just tell you you are not
alone. Mayb you should get better friends or put your foot down firmly
when they try to set you up. Just tell them in all seriousness that you
don't need or want their help, they should get the message if they are
good friends. And the 1st guy is right marriage isn't all roses, it can
suck sometimes too. The grass always Looks greener on the other side.
You see couples out in public when they are behaving affectionately or
civilly; but you rarely ever see all the bullshit and fights they go
through. So just water your grass for now and sooner or later things
will fall into place.
@blonde_vampire@xanga - "Be yourself. Be happy with yourself. If you're being happy with yourself I think you are more likely to build meaningful relationships with others rather than forcing things as if there is some need that must be fulfilled. "
This. Oh God, this. YES.
Give back to your community...it may be the link you're looking to find a guy, make friends, feel valuable or find a job. Volunteer opportunities abound.
Getting your chin back up is a conscious choice. Volunteer. Make a difference.
Doesn't matter if you are a hot chick. Won't get you married any faster by occ going out with girlfriends. Take a college course, join an organization you are interested in, join a church, move to a different city and start over. Guys will not come knocking on your door to marry you. Sometimes, you must make yourself even more interesting and they will come.
The world is endless and filled with opportunities. If you don't take advantage of them, you will never be happy.
Good luck!
Christy
well, i don't know what it's like to be the hot chick but i have been used for sex in the past and i know what it feels like to not have anyone want to be your boyfriend. i have been romantically single every holiday season since i was born and i cannot relate to 90 percent of the stuff posted on this blog. i don't have "exes", i never had anyone be nice or thoughtful or romantic to me and heaven forbid i be anyone's "girlfriend". now it's getting to the point where i am older and it just gets worse because i buy into the notion that men just want to be with younger, more attractive women and i never had a chance in the first place...sigh..i think the best thing to do is just be happy with yourself and self-sufficient and not whiny-piny all the time (well, i do that a lot but it helps to get it out). become stronger, not in a self-denial sort of way, but in a "i take care of myself and pamper myself and do things for myself kind of way and i don't give a fuck anymore what anyone thinks" kind of way...
the best relationship to work on at the moment is the one with yourself.