Monday, 26 November 2012
A couple of years ago, my roommate’s ex-boyfriend came to town for a visit. The two of them had twice dated in high school before ending things permanently, and he had since gotten married and moved to Texas with his wife. He was primarily back in town to see his family in Michigan, and his wife stayed home in Texas.
Since his parents lived a twenty-five minute drive from our university, he decided that he wanted to stop in and see my roommate. My roommate, for some reason, found nothing to be strange about this situation, even though the two of them had not communicated at all since high school, so she went out to dinner with him and then let him into our apartment for a visit as I was sleeping in the next room.
During the apartment visit, the ex-boyfriend confessed to my roommate that he still had feelings for her, even though it had been seven years since they dated. He said that he thought about her all the time and called her when he was in Michigan with the hope that they could get back together as a couple. He also said that he no longer loved his wife and that his wife had a tendency to physically and verbally abuse him. He wanted to stay the night with my roommate and see where things went from there.
My roommate always had a hard time turning people down. Instead of instantly saying, “NO!” she thought of excuses not to do it. “Isn’t it wrong to cheat on your wife?” my roommate asked. He said that he was going to divorce her soon anyway and that she was the one abusing him, so she had already wronged him. My friend tried a different excuse: “My roommate is sleeping in the next room.” He assured her that if the two of them went into her bedroom, they could be quiet.
She tried a couple more excuses on him, and he kept insisting that it was a good idea for him to stay the night. Finally, she got fed up with him, so she flat-out told him that she was not interested, gave him no explanation, and shooed him out the door. She proceeded to block him on all social media and ignore his instant messages and phone calls.
The next morning, she told me about what had happened and how upset she was that her ex-boyfriend would try to use her as a means of cheating on his wife. Regardless of whether or not the wife actually abused him, my roommate did not want to get caught in the middle of the situation and essentially be the “other” woman.
Over the course of the next few days, the ex-boyfriend made frequent attempts to contact her and ask for her an explanation as to why she was ignoring him and begging her to let him see her again. She was frustrated that the ex-boyfriend kept showing interest in getting together with her again and continued ignoring him for a while, but finally, she decided to send him a lengthy message explaining that there was no way she was going to allow herself to aid in breaking up a marriage, and that if he truly wanted to be with her, he would divorce his wife first and wait a little while before jumping back into the dating world.
She never heard from him again.
Have you or has anybody you have ever known been “the other man/woman”? Has anybody who was already in a relationship ever tried to hit on you/pick you up? What did you do?