Monday, 26 November 2012
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He Tried to Make Her "The Other Woman"
A couple of years ago, my roommate’s ex-boyfriend came to town for a visit. The two of them had twice dated in high school before ending things permanently, and he had since gotten married and moved to Texas with his wife. He was primarily back in town to see his family in Michigan, and his wife stayed home in Texas.Since his parents lived a twenty-five minute drive from our university, he decided that he wanted to stop in and see my roommate. My roommate, for some reason, found nothing to be strange about this situation, even though the two of them had not communicated at all since high school, so she went out to dinner with him and then let him into our apartment for a visit as I was sleeping in the next room.
During the apartment visit, the ex-boyfriend confessed to my roommate that he still had feelings for her, even though it had been seven years since they dated. He said that he thought about her all the time and called her when he was in Michigan with the hope that they could get back together as a couple. He also said that he no longer loved his wife and that his wife had a tendency to physically and verbally abuse him. He wanted to stay the night with my roommate and see where things went from there.
My roommate always had a hard time turning people down. Instead of instantly saying, “NO!” she thought of excuses not to do it. “Isn’t it wrong to cheat on your wife?” my roommate asked. He said that he was going to divorce her soon anyway and that she was the one abusing him, so she had already wronged him. My friend tried a different excuse: “My roommate is sleeping in the next room.” He assured her that if the two of them went into her bedroom, they could be quiet.
She tried a couple more excuses on him, and he kept insisting that it was a good idea for him to stay the night. Finally, she got fed up with him, so she flat-out told him that she was not interested, gave him no explanation, and shooed him out the door. She proceeded to block him on all social media and ignore his instant messages and phone calls.
The next morning, she told me about what had happened and how upset she was that her ex-boyfriend would try to use her as a means of cheating on his wife. Regardless of whether or not the wife actually abused him, my roommate did not want to get caught in the middle of the situation and essentially be the “other” woman.
Over the course of the next few days, the ex-boyfriend made frequent attempts to contact her and ask for her an explanation as to why she was ignoring him and begging her to let him see her again. She was frustrated that the ex-boyfriend kept showing interest in getting together with her again and continued ignoring him for a while, but finally, she decided to send him a lengthy message explaining that there was no way she was going to allow herself to aid in breaking up a marriage, and that if he truly wanted to be with her, he would divorce his wife first and wait a little while before jumping back into the dating world.
She never heard from him again.
Have you or has anybody you have ever known been “the other man/woman”? Has anybody who was already in a relationship ever tried to hit on you/pick you up? What did you do?
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- From: iamnotyourgrandma
- Name: iamnotyourgrandma
- About Me: I'm 24 years old, and, as my username implies, there is a 100% chance that I am not, in fact, your grandma. I enjoy discussions about relationship ideologies and examining how a person's background/upbringing affects his/her views about how relationships work. Feel free to leave me a comment or subscribe to my site!
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Comments (13)
Good for her. Yes, I have heard of this girl that I know to keep going back to her ex even though he's married and in relationships. She has zero self respect and she wonders why she can't keep anyone. Your friend is few and far between. As Reba said, "I will not be made the other woman when I was the woman in the marriage before" when her friends thought that her and her ex-husband might still have something going on.
I have had several people who are in relationships try and hook up with me. One I didn't even know he was married until after the fact and he lied. I'm all for having fun and flings but if you're committed to someone else you need to stick with the person you're committed to. When I'm with someone I better be the one and only woman he has eyes for and if not then I will become single. I don't have time for this nonsense. If he keeps persisting if I were her I'd tell him again that he's married and that he'll just go back to his wife when his problems with her blow over. Don't know why people want to be the other woman/other man.
he said he was already divorcing her, so i don't see how she's the other woman (unless he was lying).
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - He said that he was going to divorce her soon, but at that time, he had taken no action to actually divorcing her. Since the guy basically disappeared after my roommate ended up rejecting him, I am actually not sure if he ever ended up divorcing his wife or if that was a lie to get my roommate to hook up with him.
My ex left me for the girl he was cheating on me with. He had plans to marry her but asked me to hang around until he divorces her to get half of her money 5 years later. I rejected him, of course. Then he started telling me they were no longer dating and he wanted me back when they were really still engaged and planning the wedding. A month before their wedding day he called and asked me if I would leave the guy I was seeing to be "the other woman" in his marriage, and that it was my last chance to keep him around. I said no, he got mad and hung up on me and I never heard from him again.
I was the other woman once, but I didn't know he was married. I saw him again a few years ago and he still hit on me, but since I was married, had kids, and was a different person than when he knew me, I told him to get lost. If I were single, I would never get involved with a married man unless their marriage was open (and trust me there are ways of knowing the difference).
Your friend did the right thing, but he was not going to break up with his wife. His wife may or may not have been abusive. Those are standard line. I am surprised he didn't add in the last standard line, his wife is frigid (and/or unattractive). Men that are in the midst of a divorce/separated from their wives don't tend to go on and on about how you are better than their wives. If they are just meeting you, they state they are separate and leave it at that. I'm sure it would be the same if you knew them before they got married. Decent guys don't bash their exes.
that black guy's skin is glowing and looks silky smooth. bald black men are so sexy.
back to the topic! but nice distraction
yeah, a few taken men have tried to hook up with me, but they told me they weren't in a relationship. I found out that he wasn't single after I saw his goods
I didn't hook up with him. we were having fun teasing each other. I was tempted to continue to talk to him because his voice is so sexy as he's a musician. sing to me papi chulo
he still tried to flirt with me afterwards. I gradually ignored him and haven't talked to him in over a year. I have a new crush, so I don't care.
Lol, that's nothing. One of my exes contacted me periodically for TEN years after we broke up... when I was 16. He also was obviously cheating on his wife, and told her when he got caught (or maybe she assumed) that the emails and phone calls were from me. Then I sent him a really long, detailed facebook message of everything I hated about him. I worded it strongly and tried my best to hurt his feelings, rather than trying to be nice like I had before. It worked. Haven't heard from him since.
Who knows. He could actually be getting a divorce now...lol. Silence means nothing one way or another.
I had a married woman come on to me during a party... like just kinda started feeling me up. Very awkward situation. We kissed and such, but I felt really awkward about it. She kinda kept pushing the idea of wanting to sleep with me in the next many conversations we had, but I wasn't ever interested in her that way in the first place, let alone the idea that she's frickin' married.
Oddly enough we're somehow still friends, and had lunch not too terribly long ago. I think she actually has given up on sleeping with me, and accepts being just friends.
I've been the one cheated on AND I've been the other woman. Both positions sucks.
DUMP HIM!
lol
wait. this girl was actually smart and did the right thing. and not just the right thing by this guy's wife (which isn't as important as doing right by yourself but you wanna talk about crazy, this dude was making up lies about her, if she was really so abusive he would have taken another avenue, not the "i wanna cheat on her" way) but the right thing BY HER which is ultimately, the most important thing.
guys are LOSERS