Saturday, 24 November 2012
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Going Strong After 80 Years
I recently came across this Yahoo! article that discussed an elderly couple who is celebrating their 80th wedding anniversary this month. John and Ann Betar are 101 and 97 years old, respectively, and they married in 1932, shortly after FDR defeated Hoover in the 1932 election. They met while growing up in the same community in Connecticut.Initially, Ann’s parents arranged for her to be married to a man much older than her. Ann was not interested in going through with the arranged marriage because she was in love with John, but she was also nervous about going against the wishes of her family. John and she eloped when he was 21 and she was only 17. At only 17, Ann was unsure that she was making the right decision, but 80 years, five children, 14 grandchildren, and 16 great grandchildren later, she has no regrets.
When asked by reporters to give advice to young couples about how to maintain a strong unity in marriage, the Betars stressed the importance of getting along, compromising, living within one’s means, keeping commitments to one another, and not holding grudges.
Stories like these help restore my faith in humanity, and it is sad that such stories do not show up in the news more often. In a world filled with violence, war, and dishonesty, positive news articles are so refreshing to read. The Betars' story is an encouraging one for people who no longer believe that marriages, or any long-term relationships, can last.
Everybody’s life will be filled with a number of challenging obstacles. For the Betars, life’s biggest struggles involved losing of two of their children, which took a great emotional toll on both of them. By providing one another with love, communication, support, and understanding, however, they pulled through those tough times together.What do you believe are the essential ingredients to creating a lasting long-term relationship? Do you know of any couples whose love story inspires you?
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- From: iamnotyourgrandma
- Name: iamnotyourgrandma
- About Me: I'm 24 years old, and, as my username implies, there is a 100% chance that I am not, in fact, your grandma. I enjoy discussions about relationship ideologies and examining how a person's background/upbringing affects his/her views about how relationships work. Feel free to leave me a comment or subscribe to my site!
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Comments (26)
The essential ingredient in a long-lasting relationship? That's easy: be a fucking prude. Seriously. That's the only way I can think of it working. 80 years of sex with the same person over and over again? Sounds pretty prudish to me (then again, they probably haven't had any sex in the last 40 years, so maybe it's not so unfeasible).
Eh, I guess whatever works. Though I have to wonder if this story is true or not. 80 years of marriage just seems way to hokey to be true. As a matter of fact, I call BS. There's no fucking way.
Treat the other as you would like to be treated. Lots of positive communication. Touch each other every day. Concentrate on the best parts of your partner. A shared faith. Honesty...though it must be gentle and not brutish. Do things together. Laughter, joy and humor.
I love this story. Thanks for sharing.
Christy
Awe. Too cute those 2!
I hope that is me and my boyfriend someday. =) My parents have been together for over 20 years maybe almost 30 and they are so sweet together. I think a lasting relationship requires dedication, selflessness, endless love, humor, similar interests, and communication! To name a few. But most of all, that dedication to each other that can get past anything. =)Wonderful story! My grandparents made 65 years together before they passed. The secret they told me was that the alternative of a divorce was never an option. That kept them always trying to find a solution to every problem together. It took a little compromise and an undying mutual respect.
The word has lost a lot of meaning in daily vocabulary, but love is no secret. Though rare and most often found in lower quality imitations, it is the only ingredient to a true, deep, and lasting connection.
I think this issue is that some people are giving up too easily. Divorce is no longer a stigma and irreconcilable differences is the hot new phrase. Marriage takes work and so do relationships. Sometimes they can fail because people don't want to do the work. They would rather take the easier route. I have hope that my bf and I will make it. I'm sure there will be fights, disagreements, compromises, and the such. But, I also know there will be love, compassion, and honesty.
My inspiration couple is my parents. Their relationships was full of major ups and downs but they were together for 20 years before my Dad passed. I learned from my Mom that love is about forgiveness and I learned from my Dad when you receive that forgiveness, you hold on to it.
*shrugs* But hey! What do I know? lol
I have no idea what the essential ingredients are. But this is a great story, I wish this is something we could see more of
@naughtymistress9@xanga - I very much agree, and to neatly summarize what you said I think the issue is that "love" has become so compartmentalized that work, honesty, commitment, and all those other things have been extracted from the meaning so that a lot of people only associate the word with how another person makes them feel. My parents are a long-lasting (somewhat) good example of it, and I feel I picked up on all those things all the years I've seen them together and associate the word "love" with everything that it takes to make a long-lasting relationship work, so it's rather surprising to me when I stumble onto Datingish and see people talking about how much they love(d) someone and now they want to break up with them. It makes no sense to me, or like I always say, "Well, it makes perfect sense... but it's wrong.".
Datingish, please make more posts like this one!
I adore this story. I hope to find that love one day. I know that I can commit and have a long and happy marriage through bad times and good, but is there someone else who can do the same? That is the question lol
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - So having sex with the same person for years automatically makes someone a prude? Just because they just had sex with each other doesn't mean it was necessarily boring. Maybe that made them so comfortable with each other that they could try different things they might have otherwise been too shy to ask for. Monogamy might not be for everyone, but that doesn't mean there aren't people who it does work for.
How lovely. My grandparents were together almost 60 years but my grandad has sadly passed now.
Marriage is becoming outdated. There's no stigma anymore. You're not a crazy spinster if you're still single. You don't need to be married to live together or have children. Divorce is no longer a taboo.
That couple was born in an entirely different world than we live in. Raised with an entirely different set of morals and expectations. Times have changed, simple as that.
Summed it up right there, "providing one another with love, communication, support, and understanding".
How much they have seen, how much the world has changed before them. That feeling....I wonder how it is.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - In my mind, yes, it is kind of prudish. I mean there's only so much you can do with one person. We're all human beings and limited in what we can do, and not everyone likes the same thing, so there's only so much you can do with your partner in a monogamous set-up. If that works for you, I'd say yeah, you're a bit prudish for that reason. That just sounds incredibly boring.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - "...so there's only so much you can do with your partner in a monogamous set-up."
No, there's only so much you can do with your partner in a monogamous set-up, because you are boring.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - I thought we were talking about the couple in question, not me personally.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - So am I. I say "you" in the general sense, not you specifically. I mean anyone who practices monogamy.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - Ok. Makes sense. I would have to disagree, though. As you said, not everyone likes the same thing, so why attach a derogatory label to someone who likes something different than what you like?
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - if I believed that the thing that matters most in a marital relationship is sexual compatibility, then, yes, 80 years does seem like BS. If, however, marriages are about
morethan having sex, and say, about sharing your life as completely as possible with someone else because you have committed to love them and be with them until death, then maybe, just maybe, an 80-year marriage might be real.
@wishangel144@xanga - Well, seeing as how I don't really believe in love (and, also should add, don't feel love) then that doesn't mean much, admittedly.
i think the number one ingredient to a good relationship: communication. next one down the line: compromise. third: deep seated desire to make the relationship work.
if you have these three things, you can live a life time with someone.
Times and morals have changed...
but not for the better.
Everyone can learn a lot from a couple like this. It takes a lot of strength and commitment to stay in a relationship for so long. Our generation and those after ours need to learn that just because something is broken doesn't mean it can't be fixed. Everything is disposable these days, including people, and that is not okay.
Great post.