It seems like everyone these days agrees that this generation is suffering a loss of real connections and relationships due to our addiction to technology. Part of this is the constant preaching about what should always be said face-to-face. Fights, we learn, shouldn't be fought from a keyboard, but rather should be talked out in person. The idea of breaking up from behind a screen is pretty taboo too. But why?
In a time when texting has become an integral part of daily life, is it always wrong to break up with someone over text? Maybe ending things over text, in some situations, is not the worst thing in the world. I'm not sure where I stand on this. I do feel that I'd be incredibly hurt if I was broken up with over text. Shouldn't my boyfriend at least have the decency to say it to my face? What if in that moment I type and send something horrible in response, something I can never then take back because it is already in writing?
But at the same time, it may spare some of the pain in a different way. If I was broken up with over text, I could turn immediately to the people I love for support instead of crying to the one person who I couldn't turn to anymore. If someone is absolutely sure they want to end a relationship, there really isn't much of a point in giving the dumpee a chance to change the mind of a dumper on the spot. It can be so hurtful and humiliating. A text could potentially give you the chance to walkaway with grace. Also, if I was only casually dating someone, and not in anything even close to a serious relationship, I don't think I'd feel the need to get together with them just for them to tell me why they'd like to stop.
Of course, this is a situational question, but I really am unable to come to a definite conclusion about when, if ever, a break up over text is okay.
What do you think? When, if ever, is it okay to end things with someone over text?
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Comments (78)
I think that if the relationship isn't serious it really shouldn't matter.
Is it REALLY okay to ask someone out over text? Both of the answers are no. It's impersonal. At least be respectful enough to do it in person.
I totally believe a person should break-up with another in person and if they are cross country at-least by phone
Idk. In one way it is kind of rude and impersonal. But in another way, you can just end it and not have to see the other person upset or crying, which may be easier for both people.
"You're familiar with the phrase "man's reach exceeds his grasp"? It's a lie: man's grasp exceeds his nerve." - Nikola Tesla, The Prestige (2006)
Times have changed and so has communication. If breaking up with someone over text is wrong because it is impersonal then so is contraception and birth control because they take the elements of trust and personal responsibility to one another out of relationships to the point that breaking up with someone over text is relatively appropriate in most situations, I mean, considering how every individual is responsible for their own happiness and no one else's and all, what does it matter? Because, you know, you don't "owe" the person anything... hypocrites.
@LondonsMommy@momaroo - Easier isn't always better.
According to the Datingish community, a text breakup will send you to Hell.
I had a female I was talking to message me on FB to tell me she didn't feel the same about me and we should separate our dating from out friendship (we only went out on one date, so that confused me a bit, ha!). At the end, she said she wanted to be friends. I asked if we could meet and she said no. I tried to be friends and she would only ever speak to me in a group. She would ignore any time I called or messaged her until she just stopped inviting me or talking to me at all. I know it is tough to reject someone but I had the courage to ask her out in person, so I would appreciate the same consideration when ending things at least.
When it comes to ending a relationship that is meaningless than texting is probably better than just disappearing. If a relationship had any meaning whatsoever, texting to end it is tacky. The other person is going to hurt either way. Using a text message or a phone call to spare yourself from the other person's pain is selfish and makes you a douche.
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - Ironic, isn't it?
it just sucks because you want to discuss it with them personally, and see their reactions and how they're actually trying to communicate. i feel like it's taking the easy way out because they don't allow emotion to be a factor. they can just end the conversation and choose not to reply. break ups are all emotional content and when that can't be met or discussed it's fucking nerve-wrecking.
Depends on the situation. Obviously if it's a long-distance relationship, it can't be done with the face-to-face courtesy most of us would otherwise expect. But if it can be, it should be. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned like that.
I don't really check my phone nor keep my phone beside me 24/7 like some people, so I probably wouldn't even know he broke up with me via text if he did. I've had a few guys talk about me in the third person while they were talking to me because they were too much of wussbags to directly tell me their feelings without beating around the bush and using passive aggressive implications
that's like people talking about you when you are in the same room and they pretend to whisper, yet it is loud enough for everyone to hear. unsurprisingly, I never talk to those guys again. good riddance! I can't believe that I even liked those bitchass hos!! excuuuse me not!
The recipient of your text won't think it's ok. Unless the guy is a creepo, doing it in person is a classier way to go.
I would hope I wouldn't even go out with someone who would break up with someone else or me by text. Bad form. That is like texting that someone died. Some things are just better to be said in person. It shows an amount of respect.
There are always worse alternatives, like someone leaving you hanging and leaving without saying one word. At least they say it ends in a text message, though it's a cowardly move. I had a guy ask me out in facebook chat and break up with me via text. It's like without the online or text he wouldn't have contacted me. I'd rather he had called and said something. luckily i wasn't emotionally invested in that guy. at first u may think it's not right, but why cry over someone who does this and doesn't think you're worthy of an in person break up?
people like that aren't worth it to cry over nor pine over.
Good question!
The problem with any sort of online communication/electronic communication (with the exception of video chat, of course) is that you can never be 100% sure that you are talking to the person you think you are. How would you know for sure that a break up text that was sent from your significant other's phone or Facebook account wasn't actually written by a person who hacked the account/stole the phone and is either trying to play a cruel joke on you or sabotage your relationship?
Breaking up face to face, or at least over the phone if face-to-fact isn't actually possible, would not only show the most respect to the person with whom you are breaking up, but also assure that person that you actually want to break up, and your phone/email/Internet account wasn't hacked by somebody else.
@xinq@xanga - I don't think the problem is so much that whoever you were going out with didn't have the decency to break up with you in-person so much as it was that you didn't have the decency to be emotionally invested in the person you were going out with. Seriously, who does that?
"people like that aren't worth it to cry over nor pine over."
But they are/were worthy of dating you in the first place? It's beyond annoying when a female turns into the relationship equivalent of a damage control and loss prevention expert and because of that subsequently thinks they're some kind of expert when it comes to investing in relationships. It defeats the entire purpose of dating IMO, and if you were dating me and not emotionally invested I'd break up with you by text as well. When you become more focused on not getting it wrong than making it right what is the point in dating if you don't enjoy breaking up?
Yes! It's wrong! Always! I mean shit...what's beyond that? Getting married on skype?
@amateurprose@xanga - You're equating a huge emotional investment in another person and taking a relationship to the next level with that of ending a relationship impersonally and removing oneself from being invested in another person and that's nowhere close to being an equivalent or interchangeable measure if you subscribe to the belief that you don't "owe" the person you're dating or breaking up with anything. It's mass hypocrisy.
Before you go arguing my points, know that I don't have an opinion on this either way and I'm only telling you that your method and how you've formed your opinion is wholly inaccurate and wrong not your opinion itself.
@T3hZ10n@xanga -
'I'm only telling you that your method and how you've formed your opinion is wholly inaccurate and wrong, "
Okay, so explain how I formed my opinion and what my method for doing so was. It's nothing short of amazing to learn that you have the ability to read peoples minds and know what they are thinking when they form opinions. This is truly ground breaking shit here! Can you predict the future too? Am I going to get a puppy for Christmas? Am I??? Am I???? Aw, man. I REALLY hope i'm getting a puppy!
@amateurprose@xanga - "Okay, so explain how I formed my opinion and what my method for doing so was."
"I mean shit...what's beyond that? Getting married on skype?" - > "You're equating a huge emotional investment in another person and taking a relationship to the next level with that of ending a relationship impersonally and removing oneself from being invested in another person..."
"It's nothing short of amazing to learn that you have the ability to read peoples minds and know what know what they are thinking when they form opinions."
It's as easy as paying attention to what a person says and applying deductive reasoning, or to put it more simply:
http://x5f.xanga.com/fcff911771430282933161/o225580330.jpg
@T3hZ10n@xanga -
No. I'm not equating the two. At least not in the way that you are spinning it. I think there is emotion attached to forming a union, and there is emotion attached to ending that union as well. Yes. In that way they are similar. The varying degrees of emotion are irrelevant.
Ending a relationship through a text is impersonal and lacks empathy. It is a selfish, and cowardly way of handling things. My analogy was more of a statement on the possible evolution of the kind of detachment necessary to function in that way.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - the way you form your sentences is condescending. the italics or slanting the text is equivalent to arching your brows in disgust while talking down to people. the bolded words and/or all caps is equivalent to growling and/or yelling. the fruity meme is a bully tactic for humor at the expense of the other person. this is not a civil tone of typing. your behavior is that of a serial fruitloop perpetrator. we all know that toucan sam is the fruitloop master. this crime is equivalent to mass treason.
I don't agree with using text messages to break up with someone under normal circumstances. but I do think there is a time and a place where it could be better (like if violence is a possible outcome).
I guess I'm just a bit more old fashioned and I think its almost cowardly to break up in such a superficial, shallow way. I would never break up with any girl via a technological device. not even over an online video chat. if I'm going to break up with someone, I would:
a.) give them a notice that I fear that we might lose our relationship
b.) ask them to fight for it, and tell them how
c.) if they did not try to mend the relationship, I would then meet them formally and bring along someone who could act as a ref and break up face to face. I am not a coward. I believe it is far more respectable than doing it over text. by breaking up in person you are showing someone that you have some level of respect for them. it shows them that you actually mean it. and in my case, it would show that I still care about them even though we are breaking up.
If you are breaking up over text, then you better have a good reason as to why you did it that way. I don't hold much respect for people who are that shallow and that little into the person they decided to date.