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I met this guy online and we talked for a week before finally going out. We went out and had a great time. We continued talking till I found out he isn't looking for a relationship. I got kind of clingy by messaging him a lot, and it didn't seem to bother him as he replied back to everything. Then came the night we went into deep conversation about relationships; this is where I goofed by trying to get him to change his mind.
Now I guess he's annoyed with me as he barely replied to messages I've sent. We decided to meet for lunch and talk further but I know he's still gonna take me for granted.
I skipped on lunch. I decided to wait a while, like a month or so before I pursue him again, just so he knows what it's like when I'm not around.
Is this a good idea? Our only contact source is Whatsapp Messenger. How do I go about trying to get him back?
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Comments (42)
"I goofed by trying to get him to change his mind."
You didn't necessarily goof here. Nothing wrong with trying to change someone's view or opinion about something.
"I skipped on lunch. I decided to wait a while, like a month or so before I pursue him again, just so he knows what it's like when I'm not around. "
This is where you goofed. Don't do this passive-aggressive bullshit. As far as any guy is concerned, any girl who does this should be perma-friendzoned.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I agree. I dont like games.. I dont think most guys like games. Plus, if he TOLD you he doesn't want a relationship, knowing you were doing this would totally prove to him you are a little too into him and actually may turn him off.
wait, so he had no problem with you contacting him, and was keeping open lines of communication; you annoyed him and it still didn't drive him away, so you decided to cut him off? what the hell is wrong with you?
why are women always trying to "teach men a lesson"?
Please enlighten the rest of us on your mind reading abilities. You never had him to begin with. Why don't you just forget about it and move on? You shouldn't have played stupid games.
lulz. this is why i don't date chicks in their 20s anymore.
edit//
so, here's some advice for you. if a guy dropped you for a month, and you'd only been seeing him for a week, would you still be pining after him? if the answer is yes, then you are indeed too clingy. hopefully, the answer is no. and that's how he's going to feel.
all that being said, why you even care about a guy you've seen for so little time is beyond me. so on second thought, i actually don't even need an answer to the above question. i already know you are clingy.
god damn, i'm good at this. that self-help book is coming out soon, guys.
Sounds like a lot of game playing to me. Try putting yourself in his place. If you can't respect what he wants or needs right now, move on. Don't try to change him. If you cared about him you would accept him as he is.
@iones_island@xanga - Exactly. Just... exactly.
Her not talking to him is just playing his game he barely messages her and why don't guys see that they do the same shitty things?
is he super hot? I've been clingy when the guy is super hot. I feel like a kid waiting to go to disneyland when I get to talk to him
it has to do with all the daydreams I'm having about him
however, despite the guy being hot, if he says things that annoy me often or sometimes it might just be one thing that really irked me, then it'll be easier to stop talking to him or gradually talk to him less. I'm often in the situation of the guy you're talking about where people want to be in relationships with me, but I don't want to be in a relationship. well, I want to be in a relationship, but not with him since he doesn't meet my criteria and I don't feel the connection where I think that I'd love to date this guy. so if a guy stops talking to me, whatever. there's more hot guys with varying personalities. unless I feel that he's a novelty, such as my boss crush; ZOMG HE'S SO PERFECT TO ME. nobody is "perfect" but I think he is and perfect he is
I'd cling onto his tall leg like a baby gerbil
I wonder how he walks with all these fangirls clinging on this body
thinking about him exhausts me badly
let me tell you some guys are definitely jerks, they just want one thing and when they know they're not getting that one thing, they're gonna move on to the next girl who will give them that one thing.
guys who say they're not looking for a relationship are just playing around.
So you agreed to meet for lunch and you just stood him up? And he's supposed to just read your mind and figure out why and then come after you as if he hasn't seen a woman in years? I think that, more than anything, would have turned him off.
People don't always know right away if they want a relationship, but most of them do know they don't like being stood up. If someone stands me up, I just think they aren't interested and move on.
@superGchik@xanga - false; guys who say they are not looking for a relationship are not looking for a relationship. i'm not looking for a relationship, but i'm not fooling around either. i'll hang out with someone if it seems necessary or they are interesting, but i'm just not looking for a relationship. it could be he has other issues he is working through and just needs/wants a friend.
@SHEERROSE@xanga - yes; it is, she isn't doing it to give him his space or to gather her thoughts, she's doing it to teach him a lesson and "show him what it's like not to have her around", and you should reread the post "he responds back to everything" hardly sounds like he barely messages her.
frankly i say go from a month to a lifetime and the brother dodges a bullet there.
when a guy says hes not looking for a relationship. he is not looking for a relationship.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - "If someone stands me up, I just think they aren't interested and move on."
more than just that--they're downright fucking rude! unless it's accompanied with a genuine apology and a request to reschedule, that gets you on my shitlist. number deleted and i don't speak to you again.
@iones_island@xanga - hahaha loled at that last line. we can only hope, for the guy's sake.
@superGchik@xanga - i wouldn't say he's being a jerk if he was honest about what he wanted up front (which it sounds like he was). plus, there are plenty of girls who only want to bang also--i don't see what's wrong with that as long as everyone's on the same page.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - "more than just that--they're downright fucking rude! unless it's accompanied with a genuine apology and a request to reschedule, that gets you on my shitlist. number deleted and i don't speak to you again."
i don't agree with you an a WHOLE lot, but.. yeah, exactly this.
@iones_island@xanga - don't agree with me?? what??
@superGchik@xanga - "guys who say they're not looking for a relationship are just playing around."
Just like girls who say they don't want sex are just playing around, right?
if you really like him, pursue him now, not in a month. i've had that done to me before and it was so fucking horrible living without said person for that long. eventually i realized i had to start to get over him, and when he came back to speak to me, it was just awful because i was trying so hard to move on. it's just a shitty thing to do, and being clingy, in my opinion, is far less annoying. at least you are being honest.
Why do people play games and then get annoyed when it backfires? You messed up by cancelling on him and barely speaking to him for a month. If someone did that to me, I'd move on too. You had your chance and you blew it, just let it be a lesson - don't play games with people's heads.
I think if he made it clear he's not looking for a relationship you should respect that and not force anything. Anything good in life cannot be forced..especially love and relationships. You playing mind games when he's clearly not wanting a commitment would just make you come off as a little bit psycho-obsessive. Either accept what you have as good company or friendship or just move on. There really are plenty of nice guys out there who I'm sure would love to be in a relationship without you "trying to get him to change his mind."
I think if he made it clear he's not looking for a relationship you should respect that and not force anything. Anything good in life cannot be forced..especially love and relationships. You playing mind games when he's clearly not wanting a commitment would just make you come off as a little bit psycho-obsessive. Either accept what you have as good company or friendship or just move on. There really are plenty of nice guys out there who I'm sure would love to be in a relationship without you "trying to get him to change his mind."
I say, leave him alone. Learn from this experience and move on.
I agree with you that you "goofed" by trying to get him to change his mind about relationships. One, it was disrespectful of his feelings and right to them. Two...it's not going to get you anywhere because you are investing in something that isn't going to happen.
Trying to get him back...well, you never had him, AND he doesn't want to be had.
Nor would I assume that him knowing what it's like when you're not around is going to have much sway, since he's basically spent his entire life, other than one week, without you around. He already KNOWS what it's like to not have you around.
I think game playing in a relationship always wastes both people's time. Be who you are, and honest about what you want...that doesn't mean you have to hand over a relationship resume or the serious discussion equivalent of it, but behave authentically. Some couples ARE all about game playing...but both of them like it that way, the cat/mouse drama thing. So if that really is who you are and how you roll, go for it, but I think it is counterproductive to ever put on that you are someone other than who you really are, and who you really want to be known and loved for.
He doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. End of story.
@iones_island@xanga - Maybe because they deserve to be taught lessons. Guys need to stop using girls, especially when they know they aren't interested in girls as more than a fwb. That's where some of you men go wrong.