Thanksgiving in the United States is this on this very day. There will be plenty of turkey, plenty of family and plenty of football. This day always gets me to thinking about all of the blessings in my life. I have a great family, great friends, and though I am single I can reflect upon past relationships and be thankful for each one of them. I believe that every relationship serves a purpose to both parties involved.
I think over my past relationships and can name a purpose for each one. Today I am going to relate one of these to you.
Back in early 2004 I met a girl named Ashley. She was kind, thoughtful, funny, full of life, and all around adorable. I could almost pick her up and put her in my pocket. She loved her family, loved her dog, and (lucky for me!) she loved me by the spring of that year. In many ways, she was an all-American girl who I believe every guy needs to date at least once in his life. This might make some of you sick, but I don't remember a single fight the first few months of the relationship. We were just happy go lucky with not a care in the world.
That all changed one Saturday night when she was raped. Her soul went from open and warm to almost being like a fortress with many many guards on duty. And this gets me to the reason why I am thankful for this relationship. When things are easy you just don't really know the person whom you love. But when things get difficult, as it did for Ashley and I, that's when we truly begin to understand one another. That night destroyed her, but I know that I needed to be there for her in any way I could.
I did not know what that would entail, but I was mentally prepared for anything. In the end,
what she ended up needing to know most of all, beyond whether she was pregnant, was to know that her family, friends and I would not see her any differently. I can't speak for her family or friends, but as for me...I was so worried that I would, but when I looked into her eyes I still saw the same girl I loved.
I think that her support system in place at the time was so strong that she was able to recover as much as one can recover from something as horrific as that. This was the reasons I was with her. To this day, I remember her as the girl I loved who happened to have been raped, not the girl who was raped that I happened to love. Do you see the difference? For the time we were together, she was my Ashley no matter what.
What past or present relationships are you most thankful for? Have you ever dated your 'Ashley'? Dated the all-American girl? Have you ever dated someone who was raped? How did you react?
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Comments (8)
no, I haven't met an all american guy that I've been head over heels for, but there is the sexy foreign dream-man at work
he is infinitely more attractive than many of those american celebrities. I can't believe people go crazy over justin beiber. he is like the unmanliness guy I've ever seen. his voice isn't powerful. his dancing isn't amazing. his body is nothing like kpop stars. what type of manufacturer created this twerp
american fans probably don't know about the sexiness of kpop stars, so they go mad for beiber. it is like that average looking woman, who think that she's pretty and her town thinks she's gorgeous because they haven't seen miranda kerr. I haven't dated any guys, who've been raped or not that I know of.
happy thanksgiving.
Aside from the annoying ethnocentric pro-American bit of this post, I can see where you're coming from. It's good to have a support system in times of need. But at the end of the day, you're the only one who can pull yourself through hard times.
@nepenthium@xanga - Very true. Other people can't help the self if the self doesn't want to be helped.
As for the OP, no I have not dated anyone like that, but I can appreciate my best friend. We have a little thing going on, but it's not official now. He still appreciates what I do for him that no one else would do for him.
I've had a lot of fake friends/guys take advantage of me and he really appreciates everything that I do for him. We may fight sometimes, but it's nothing huge to end our friendship over. Other guys in the past that I've had flings with have used me for my money and me. It's funny because usually girls are the one to do that to guys but I've had more guys do that to me lately and I'm not even made of money. They just see a credit card and think that's a cash cow or something.
I am thankful for friends who let me know how much I do for them. I couldn't stand the undeserving friends who I helped who claimed I did nothing for them even though I let them borrow huge amounts of $$ when I didn't have to and they still have the nerve to say I did nothing for them. Because of those types of fake friends, I'm glad I can find out who my real friends are.
My friend was raped. She didn't care that much though because sex isn't a big deal to her. Haha she never even refered to it as rape. I was thinking, "hmm that sounds like rape", but didn't say anything. I dunno, I think rape is evil, but like most things it depends how you look at them.
You could probably say that I've been raped too, but since I like other peeps to be happy I just let them do it. I just make sure that they have a condom on. I dunno, some boys are just like that. I guess that they've had difficult lives or are very lonely or something. I'm not sure.
Confused. Please define all-american.
Hmmm...I've fallen for the guy equivalent of Ashley, but they never fell for me. BUT, I was sexually abused in childhood and I think I have that dark side imbedded in me. My ex told me, years into marriage, that he married me to "save me". Afraid my dark side would overcome me if he didn't. Then he came to resent that as, over time, I healed. I didn't grow into the person he hoped I would.
For me, healing from sexual assault meant I needed to come to terms with the fact that no, the world is not safe and there is not such thing as real security BUT, I can live, thrive and survive just the same. IT took a very long time to get to that place. Decades.
I am sure Ashley appreciated you for being with her through the good and bad. Good for you that you did not see her for anything more than your Ashley during her difficult times.