I met this guy off a dating website which I had no intention of taking seriously. After being persistent and asking for number, I finally gave it to him. We exchanged texts back and forth for a month in which he always would ask me out. Being skeptical (my previous blind dates turned out to be disasters), I declined every time. We continued to text and one night I finally caved in because he told he'd be leaving the country. By this point I was curious, so I decided to let him take me out on a date.
To my surprise he has a great sense of humor, is polite, and I could tell he genuinely enjoyed the date. It was a typical dinner and movie kind of night. During the movie he got very touchy. I was uncomfortable not because he went there but because I didn't want him to see me as that type of girl. The night ended with a very steamy make-out session (I'll spare the details). He texted me the next day which I wasn't used to having a guy doing after the first date.
We continued to text and by this point, I'd already become attached. Great, that's the last thing I wanted to be. Like I said earlier, this was the week he was leaving the country for two weeks. We met one more night when I was studying late at the library. At this point, things are going well and I find myself liking him more and more. Yesterday was the day his flight left for Nepal but he wanted to see me one last time which I thought was sweet of him.
We decided to keep in touch every day that he's gone. So my question is, why won't he establish where we stand?
Maybe I'm thinking too much but there is a 6 year age difference between us. I'm only 20 where he's 26 going on 27. Now age is nothing but a number but I feel like we're at very different points in life. I'm a junior in college and still unsure what I want to do with the rest of my life, and he's graduated college long ago and now owns his own business. Wouldn't it make sense that he's not into this whole dating thing anymore? That he might possibly want to settle down?
I merely just broke my teenage years and I'm still naive. I guess that's why people with age differences dating are frowned upon. Could it possibly be that he's using me just to hook up? Or maybe he didn't want to discuss anything until he came back?
Recommend
Comments (34)
"So my question is, why won't he establish where we stand?
Wouldn't it make sense that he's not into this whole dating thing anymore?That he might possibly want to settle down?
Could it possibly be that he's using me just to hook up?Or maybe he didn't want to discuss anything until he came back?"
Why don't you ask him these questions yourself instead of expecting us to read his mind for you, you lazy, spineless fu- I mean yeah, why not ask him?
Dude, you've been on three dates, there's nothing to establish.
Maybe you are far more sheltered than the average young lady that I've ever met. QuantumStorm makes a good suggestion. However, I'll go you a bit more about how you might proceed.
1) Stop the heavy make out business. Tell him that you want to know him first as a person... what he is all about and what he plans to be and what all that he's ever loved and cared about... kiss is good, a comfortable touch is nice, but leave the heavy stuff go for a few weeks or longer.
2) Don't worry all about his every feeling. Listen intently and make mental notes, but he's grown up and you are still feeling younger. Your feelings are the potential roller coaster ride if there will be one. Men can often turn them off... I'll bet he can turn many of his off if he chooses to do so.
3) Stay away from excess in alcohol and avoid other highs.
4) If you didn't use a dating service that makes use of extensive personality surveys, go on line and download personality sorter questions. Find out if you two are compatible. If not, move on... you already said in your on way that you aren't wanting to feel like you are being the "wrong" sort of girl and that you are going to be "used."
If you were my daughter, I'd tell you the same, only we'd do it over your favorite meal at your favorite restaurant, just you and I, and I'd be able to read you like a book. So, I'd also spend time with you discussing whatever else you love and so on. This will be the best I can do, not knowing you except by a few paragraphs.
Good luck jtraaa!
I'll read anything else and reply if you alert me.
You've been on like, two dates and you want him to establish where things are going? It's too early to tell, you need to go on more dates first.
Just relax. He likes you, don't try to rush things. You'll come off as clingy and desperate.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I love your avatar QuantumStorm... very COOL!
The arrogance is unattractive though.
@eshunt@revelife - Thank you! ^_^
Probably waiting for when he comes back, to get to know you better. There's nothing to establish, you barely know eachother.
There is nothing to establish. You've been on a couple of dates. Maybe if you wouldn't have acted so resistant to give him your number, go out with him etc. in the beginning he would be more willing to "establish where you stand". I'm not saying you should have gone out with him the second he contacted you on the dating service, but if I were him I would not have spent a month asking you out.
I know a lot of 30 year old guys who aren't going to "settle down" with a girl they've been dating for a few days. Just relax.
"...he's graduated college long ago and now owns his own business."
It depends. Are you using him? If so, then no.
If not, it depends, and I'll continue the flow chart down that path at your request.
Disclaimer: Once we get into the nitty gritty, odds are you'll end up telling me off, saying you're a big girl who can make her own decisions and you don't need my advice. That's generally how it goes if you'd rather skip all that and simply talk to him about it.
i didn't even bother reading past the first paragraph. why the fuck are you on a dating website if you're not going to actually date anyone?
people like you piss me off.
After three dates you don't need to establish anything. You can just hang out, get to know each other, and see where it goes from there. There's no reason to jump into anything especially if you aren't 100% sure what you want. Also, if he left the country he probably didn't want to get involved with someone he barely knows until he comes back and can establish more of a relationship/friendship. Don't read into it too much and just go with the flow.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - You're silly.
He sounds like a winner. Don't judge him based on his age, only by him alone. A guy who owns his own business while still in his 20s is extremely impressive; you shouldn't take it as anything less than that! He sounds very much into you, but also very reasonable and still getting to know you. Try to calm down and go with it. I think it will work out. (:
maybe he used the two weeks left to lure you to go out with him since you think that's the "last" chance to see him until he flies far away to Nepal-that sounds mandarin like ni-how(how are you?), but I know it is not. wait...it is between india and china---no wonder it sounds familiar. thanks yahoo search
I didn't know where Nepal was until now. this tidbit of geography thrown in there is neat:D they never emphasized where Nepal was in geo class
he got touchy and you were uncomfortable but you went ahead and had a steamy makeout session with details to spare, so you did more than that, probably a handjob?! or with more mouth action
you're uncomfortable with touching, so you kiss him and exchange saliva instead
omggg...
It's kinda a waste to take every relationship so seriously from the start. Wait until you've been together for at least a couple years n have had lots of sex n stuff before getting serious. The first few years are all about touching really.. We can't control our animal instincts and that's why they made up marriage. It's a nice idea but is sorta unrealistic when you look inside n think about how you actually feel.
Well, maybe later being steady n stuff might be something to consider, but in the meantime just have fun and enjoy the ride. It's so easy.
Your age is showing.. for one, the very beginning pissed me off. You saw nothing between the two of you, yet you continued to lead him on.. & then, after three dates, you want to know where you stand..? If you like him, give him the time he needs (he's 27, I'm sure he's thinking about settling down but not tomorrow or even next week! Relax!), take the time you need & don't overthink it.
Why would he want to get into a relationship with basically a stranger just before going to another country where he has the chance to meet more exotic women? My brother dumped his girlfriend just before leaving for europe so he could have sex with lots of chicks, then he got back together with her when he got back. And he's 30.
You've been on three dates.. just enjoy it, instead of always wondering where this could be headed.
I think it would be in this guys best interest if you never contacted him again. It sounds like he's got his shit together, and you are a confused mess. Let him find someone who can match his level of emotional intelligence.
@eshunt@revelife - Generally people find out if they're compatible with someone by spending time with them and talking with them, not looking at a website for answers. I'm not being rude but that was strange advice. I do agree that she ought to take it slowly. And also, I'm not sure where she mentioned getting drunk or anything in the post?
My boyfriend is 5/6 years older than me and it's never been a problem. Take it slow, don't push it because that might blow it, if it's right then it will happen.
You've been on three dates, chill the fuck out.
ouch.. some of the feedback is intense, any of you ever think shes never been through this before, so its new to her. She asked for feedback not ANSWERS. lol
goodluck w/ everything.
Sounds like he's got his shit together and you....don't. Why go to a dating website and not expect to date, and then wonder where you stand after only a couple dates? You're a hot mess of mixed signals, and I think I'd stay the hell away from you.