Sunday, 18 November 2012
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OkCupid Review by The Irate Dater
When you think of one of the hardest dating sites to use, I guarantee you that OkCupid is on your top-5 list. Released only on Internet Explorer, OkCupid is the perfect predecessor to eHarmony. It makes me wonder why OkCupid was only released on Internet Explorer and not any other web browser.So I log into OkCupid and... what a pixelated nightmare! You mean to tell me there are ads on this site? And what's with these quizzes? What a shitload of shit! I mean, how come there isn't a flashy intro? Where are all the scrolling marquees? How about the background music? If only the site developers did away with the ads, the quizzes, and the personality comparisons and used the extra space to upgrade the graphics, then we would have a legendary dating website. Instead, we just have to settle for what looks like a pile of poop!
After doing some further research, the site has a feature called the A-List, which is supposed to get rid of the ads and add more variables to my search. Alright! So I go to sign up for the A-List and it's $9.95 + tax?! Why the hell would I pay $9.95 + tax to use a friggin' dating site? This is ridiculous! Fuck this shit! What a load of assburgers with a side of fries!
So I put up my profile, put up a picture or two, and... what the hell? Profile not complete? What kind of crap is this? I get more pleasure sticking my penis into a fan! Well, anyways, after doing further research, I discovered that in order to complete the profile, you have to answer a whole bunch of personality questions. Just who the hell has time to do this? I bet some twisted site developer is laughing his ass off. Well lah-dee-da! So it's time to break out the montage!
*Montage of me raising my profile completeness meter while grunting and montage music playing in the background.*
Finally!
So once your profile is complete, you're ready to search for potential matches. Here, you have the option to search in basic mode or advanced mode. In the advanced mode, you can select your match's age, sex, height, location, marital status, number of kids, and if she listens to Van Halen. *Plays Jump*
Bitchin'!So I find this one girl of interest named SallyChick748. Alright, let's check out her pictures. Hot damn, what a babe. Let's see what kind of pick-up line I can use on her! I know...
"Hey baby, like your profile. Come check out mine so we can rub profiles together. Signed: The Irate Dater."
*Click Send*
Alright, let's see what her response will be.
*Clock ticks*
*Looks bored waiting for her email*
*Frantically pushes the refresh button*
So after five minutes of waiting, guess what? NOTHING! What a bunch of dickwaffles! I thought online dating was supposed to be fun. Why the fuck do I have to wait more than five minutes for some girl to reply?! While I wait, I think I will email some other girls. *insert montage*
Alright, finally, a message! Let's see what it says...
"Hi, I checked out your profile, and I'm afraid I don't think we'd be a good match. I'm looking for a man who is deep in his faith and is very close to God. Good luck on your search!"
Good luck on your search?! What the fuck is that supposed to mean? And also, this girl's a Christian? I didn't see her at a church in her profile pictures. Hell, I didn't even see her wearing a cross. Well, after doing some further research by reading her profile, I discovered that she made a huge point about only wanting to date other Christian men who think like she does. Well lah-dee fuckin' da! How the hell was I supposed to know that? I don't have time to read profiles; I just have to message the hell out of these women!
So anyways, final verdict: OkCupid sucks, and is a piece of shit.
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About the Author
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- From: Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga
- About Me: I have been using Xanga since August 2001 and have seen a lot of changes since then.
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Comments (25)
Online dating is not for everyone. And going off the tone of this post, some times dating is not for everyone as well.
Agreed.
I miss the good ol' days when Datingish would do political posts
That dating site sounds like a job search website (cringes).
I personally liked OK cupid above all the others. I liked taking time to form answers and reading answers the other person wrote. If you had written to me....about rubbing our profiles together, I wouldn't have answered you back either, but still do you think a girl is just sitting by the computer waiting for you to email her. Maybe...she has a life. Novel concept I know. Lastly, you should have read all the "christian girl" wrote before messaging her. You don't have time to read the profiles? You don't even care who you are going out with? Well, then you are probably right OK cupid is NOT for you. Try POF.
LMAO. I was laughing so hard I misspelled "LMAO" like 8 times.
Lol, I used OKCupid before...didn't meet any guys I really liked though.
@makerm7@xanga - Dating isn't for those who would find dating websites more appealing than Happy Wheels.
This post is a parody, based off of this guy...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sS9h4T1fRY4
I was a bit concerned at first, but I finally realized this was (at least partially) a joke.
Anyway...as annoyed as I am at some past Okcupid experiences, I'm happy with the guy I'm with now that I met on there. He messaged me, we talked back and forth for a couple hours, and got dinner that night. It's been about a month and a half, and so far so good.
Dude when you write joke posts they're supposed to be funny.
@ask_ashleyyy@xanga - You just have one shitty-ass sense of humor, lol.
Actually, I had some success here and there on OKCupid. It's better than the other free dating sites.
More importantly, that was the most horrible attempt at being funny I have ever read. I think if I had watched it instead of read it, I would have had an aneurysm. I'm genuinely repulsed to the point of hatred.
Also, mayhaps that explains a lot about your failure on OKCupid.
@DrummingMediocrity@xanga - Did you even watch the link I provided? Ah, nevermind...
I don't think anyone's going to "get it".
So how about that local sports team?
Love this hahaha. I've gotten so many creepers on OKC. I just keep my account open so I get them on occasion and make me happy.
wtf "assburgers" is infamously used by the xangan named: at_sixes_and_sevens
he didn't patent that term but you jacked it for this post. or is this him
how many profiles do you have
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - at_sixes_and_sevens must really be Chris Bores!
i fucking hate okc with the fire of a thousand suns, but i have met too many really great girls on it for me to really consider closing it down permanently, despite my every effort to do so. (and yes, i realize this post wasn't supposed to be serious.)
...I can't tell if this post is a joke or not, you seem to have made this is sarcasm.
OKCupid really isn't that bad.which is the only way this post makes sense to me, because everything you complained about was a good or a normal thing.
the only annoying thing about the site is people like you, if you were being serious when you bitched about a girl not responding in under five minutes.people multi-task, grow up.
@CandiedXHearts@xanga - It was a parody of a not-so-popular video game reviewer on YouTube. In all honesty, I think the site is great because you can use the most essential features on the site for free that most other dating sites make you pay over $300/year for. Plus, I get more responses and have met more women in person from OKC than any other dating site (although Match runs a real close second). The one popular dating site I don't like is eHarmony, mainly because of how expensive it is and how the site tries to match you up based on arbitrary data. Plus, most of the women on eHarmony don't pay for the service and therefore can't email back. If the matches I received from the site were "dead on" or close to it, like the site promises, I'd think it'd be worth it, but the women I meet from there are really no different from the ones I meet from OKC or Match.
@DrummingMediocrity@xanga - "Some" success? That you look at lesser failures as relative successes in your dating/love life is infuriating. But that just means you have 'experience', right? Because you've 'succeeded' so much? You talk about repulsion to the point of hatred... try attraction to the point of repulsion.
My love for you is like a planet orbiting a binary star system of you and I, though lately you perpetually have your back turned to it, like the dark side of the moon to the earth and you think it isn't there, the truth is it's only behind you to catch you if you fall. You want a love you can see all of the time but that never lasts, because although love like that is easy to find in another (esp. on dating sites), eventually you find out the love you're feeling is your own orbiting you when the other star has long since burnt out, hence P0RCELA1N_D0LL's comment: "she's not feeling that vibe with you anymore. maybe she likes the "new" feeling and you're old news."... but that isn't true (mostly because "old news" is an oxymoron). You're just not used to it coming back once the light from the other star has slowly faded from the surface of it's own planet.
Your "successes" only made you more callous to true love so that once you found it you couldn't tell it was there. "If you love something, set it free..." isn't always the case. Love or hate, sometimes all that something can imagine and hope for is you to be in the cage with it.
I don't know which made me laugh more, your blog or the people who took it seriously. Good job.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - You're very annoying.
The only rule ensuring you will get shit tons of messages in your inbox: be a female