Early into your high school career, the prospect of dating a person one or two years older fascinated, and sometimes confused, many of your classmates. Why would somebody older be interested in going out with somebody your age when there were so many great options in that person’s own class? By the time you reached college, a one or two-year age gap between the two people in a couple was no longer a big deal, and by the time you were in your later 20s, a three, four, or five-year age gap was not unacceptable, either. When you reach middle age and above, an age gap of ten or more years will seem like nothing.
Age is just a number, right? Does an age difference actually matter in a relationship?
This, of course, is a question best answered on a case-by-case basis. Yes, age is a number, but there are behavioral differences that age can bring about, some of which can lead to a relationship’s demise if the two people involved are not careful.
Firstly, people who belong in different age groups grew up at slightly different periods in time, which could lead to clashing values and behaviors. One of my relatives, who was born towards the beginning of the Baby Boomer generation, married a woman who was an early Generation Xer. There was a twenty year age gap between the two, and he was in his early 60s while she was in her early 40s when they jumped into marriage.
These two people were at two different stages of life: she wanted to have children while he already had young grandchildren. She wanted to go out and party with her friends while he believed in a quieter lifestyle. She wanted to spend a lot of money on nice things while he believed in saving money. They also had very different religious and moral views. Needless to say, this marriage was doomed from the start, and the couple divorced after less than one year of marriage.
Additionally, with age comes maturity. If the two people involved are not similar, maturity-wise, the results could be disastrous. One girl I knew in college was involved with a twenty-six-year-old man who lived a few states away. She was nineteen. Most of her friends were so enthralled by her boyfriend’s polite, gentlemanly behavior that they did not see the disaster in the making that this situation inevitably turned out to be.
This girl was in a sorority and enjoyed spending her Friday nights at bars or frat parties, while her boyfriend found that kind of behavior childish. In fact, they had a huge falling out when she invited him to her sorority formal, and he told her that attending a sorority formal was not an important enough reason to make a trip out to see her. She was crushed, since that formal meant so much to her.
They had other quarrels about more serious matters such as potentially getting engaged, since he was twenty-six years old, had a job, and was ready to move on with his life, while she still had her entire college career ahead of her. Eventually, the maturity difference became too much to handle, so they broke it off.
Although in my own life, I have only observed examples of large age gaps causing failed relationships, there are also examples of people who have found fulfilling relationships with a much older or younger partner. Entering into a relationship with a person who is not from the same age group can have its challenges, but, as with any relationship, if two people are aware of their relationship’s potential challenges ahead of time, they can try their best to find a way to make it work.
Do you believe that age is “just a number”? Why? What age range would you consider “acceptable” for you to date at this point in your life?
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Comments (35)
I gave up dating several years ago.
If I were to consider dating (won't happen),
I'd consider one of a very adult mature mind.
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@light_blue_fables@xanga and
@musterion99@xanga and
@isitreal_no@xanga
I ask my young friends to comment. They are smart.
I'd trust their advice if I were a young woman.
"Do you believe that age is “just a number”?"
I believe if you plan on continuing to date masses of people instead of individuals, your standards should have statistical correlations to the type of people you want to be with. If you plan on dating one person, you should focus more on their personal attributes and how they relate to you.
I hate when older guys get mad at younger women for being "immature." She's 20 what do you expect?
My twenty year old friend was dating a 32 year old and they were constantly getting into fights about how "immature" she was. It's like, WELL DUH, she's 20! She's in college! How did you act when you were 20?
No matter how "stupid" I thought something was, I would attend it if it meant that much to my SO.
I'm currently dating a beautiful, intelligent, funny, mature woman 6 years older than me (I'm 25 right now). I've always loved the idea of dating someone older, but was never able to do anything about it until recently when I met her. Maturity wise, I'm well aware that I'm definitely a bit more immature compared to her, but at the same time we have a lot of the same values, outlooks on life, and how we want things to proceed.
Age may just be a number, but only so long as the couple does not dwell on it.We've barely begun dating but things are so perfect right now, it's gonna take a considerable amount of bad things to knock her from the "very high marriage potential" she has right now lol.
If you're 32 and trying to get jiggy with a 16-year-old, they have laws for that. If you think those laws are made there to look pretty then go for it and see what happens.
You said it very well, why regardless of age two people need to be equally matched in different areas. Two people can be the same age and not equally matched in maturity. I have not dated any guys extremely younger or extremely older. Maybe I secretly harbor a stigma and am not even aware of it.
@xinq@xanga - Wouldn't ya know it? You're right! They do have laws for that... 16 is, in-fact, the age of consent where I live.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Age_of_Consent_-_North_America.svg
If you're wondering, yes, it does get boring always being right.
as long as they are both of legal age and they get along with each other then who is to say it is wrong. yes with age there can be different values and goals. each relationship has to understand those values and goals and if the people involved are ok with it all, then go for it.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I've ignored most of your comments. Have you noticed that I don't even bother responding to you? Obviously not since you keep trying to start something. You have no life. All you do is think you can school people on datingish all day long, wow such an accomplishment.
Age doesn't matter at all, but maturity does. (Age doesn't matter after both are consenting legal adults, I don't care what the age of consent is, both should be adults.)
My aunt and uncle are 22 years apart and they've been married over 30 years.
I feel like age gaps have their own kind of challenges but it can be done.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - Agreed.
I agree with TiredSoVeryTired@xanga.
Like what a few others have said, it's not age so much as maturity level. That needs to be equal.
I date someone who is 12 years older than me. We are so alike in many other faucets that the only time the age difference has been a complication was through telling our parents about the age difference when asked. Nothing bad came of it, just a bit of surprise. Other than that, being on the same level in several other senses has made age nothing more than a number.
I would say maturity, stage in life, and life experience have way more to do with it.
No, age doesn't matter. Maturity, current life aims/goals, and attraction matter.
I'm twenty-one and my husband is thirty-three. We have known each other since I was fourteen and been friends. It's not weird to me. HOWEVER if we'd have known each other since I was a little girl and he had babysat me once-upon-a-time, that would be weird. (Yes, this is actually happening to someone I know. -_-)
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Hahaa of course no response from you when you get told. I'd love to see you being a 32-year-old hitting on a 16-year-old girl and see what her father does to your nasty face. You've got issues if you think it's okay just because it's "legal."
Hey, look everyone! I'm ignoring @zink or whatever her name is. That makes me so cool and mature, just like when she does it, right?
@xinq@xanga - "You've got issues if you think it's okay just because it's "legal.""
Kinda like if someone were ignoring you, especially someone who you care about and even went so far as to claim you are their soul mate and then cheating on you, even if they say legally it's not cheating, huh? Sucks doesn't it?
The sad part is that I totally agree with you about it being about maturity and not age, and that a 32-year-old hitting on a 16-year-old is wrong, but you're being far too immature to see my point of view. Welcome to my world...
What does maturity matter when society has turned maturity itself into a popularity contest?
@T3hZ10n@xanga - About time you responded! I knew you were on here yesterday and you replied to me in the other blog, so why didn't you reply to this one at the same time? Couldn't think of something witty to say right away took you a day to think about something "clever" to say? LOL.
@xinq@xanga - Does how long it takes someone to come up with something witty or clever to say determine how mature that person is in your opinion, zink?
You forgot to bold, italicize, and underline your "lol".
"...so why didn't you reply to this one at the same time?"
Because I happened to find sleeping, waking up, masturbating, then having breakfast more important than replying to you that time. Did you really want to know?
Age is just a number. Although I think you have to look at it from a case by case scenario. There are probably hundreds of dirrerent scenarios out there, but don't quote me on it though. For me, I can't see myself dating someone younger unless I believe she was mature enough. But that's just me.
Age might be "just a number" but it does define a lot about you - your maturity, where you are in life, your goals and ambitions. I really have to wonder what a 20 year old has in touch with a 40+ year old. 20 year olds are just starting out - immature, barely working or in college and either living at home or in dorms with friends, whereas 40+ year olds are working full-time, living alone, have a house, a mortgage, a car, children...it's just..I don't get it. I don't know why, at either age, you'd want to tie yourself down to someone at the opposite end of life.
"Age is just a number, and jail is just a room."
@xinq@xanga - Wait..you're commenting this guy to let him know that you've been ignoring him??? Are you retarded?
It would be nice to read a post and not have to listen to you two fucking idiots going at each other for once. I think you are BOTH crazy!
He's openly crazy, and YOU are delusional and can't see that you are obsessed with this guy, and just generally out of your damn mind!
For now on, can you guys please just confine this idiotic back and forth to a private message thread? Thanks.
Sincerely,
An adult.