I recently cleaned out my jewelry box and found a beautiful ring that I'd evidently made the point of hiding in the back a few months earlier. As soon as I picked up that silver and diamond ring, I was brought back to my one-year anniversary with my ex-boyfriend. I thought about it for a moment- the ring, the day he gave it to me- and after some brief hesitation, I put it on my pointer finger.
I glanced over to my ring finger where there sat a gold ring with an amethyst stone from my current boyfriend of over a year. Honestly, it felt weird. But I liked the way the rings looked.
I thought about the strangeness of the situation again, and then decided to keep the rings on. After all, it's just jewelry, and it looked good!
That being said, I know some people could never imagine wearing something given to them by an ex, especially when you have a new SO. Or, maybe having a new partner justifies your ability to wear something from an old boyfriend or girlfriend.
What do you think? Is it okay to wear jewelry, or even clothing, given to you by an ex? Does the answer change if you're in a new relationship?
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Comments (27)
The value jewelry has is ultimately assigned by you, not by what other people think. If you like it, wear it. If it brings back bad memories or it looks gaudy, then don't. It's not rocket science.
I had a promise ring from an ex which was actually his great grandma's wedding ring or something. I never wore it because it looked like a wedding ring. When things ended I gave it back to him because I didn't think it was appropriate for me to have it. I also was given pearl earrings on the first date with another guy. I tried to give them back because they were Tiffany's and I'm sure they were expensive, I also did not see us going anywhere. He refused to take them back, so I do wear them on occasion, but I always feel guilty about it, especially if I'm wearing them on a date with someone else. I think wearing jewelry from an ex doesn't have to be a bad thing though.
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - I had a creepy guy give me these expensive earrings on the 3rd time he ever knew me. I kept them for a while because he refused to keep them. I never wore them though. Finally after a while and after me tearing him a new asshole how I didn't appreciate his creepy obsession he took the earrings back. He's loaded and it also didn't put a dent in his pocket, but alas, his creepiness outweighs the money he has and I am not any longer putting up with it, lol.
My philofisy:
If you wanna be with me, return it to your ex and ask me for something you like better and I'll be happy to replace it with something of greater value to you, that is, if it truly has no sentimental value.
If you like the piece of jewelry and it was okay for you to keep, then wear it. If it brings back bad memories, or you don't like, give it back or get rid of it.
I wouldn't want my boyfriednd to keep any souvenirs from his past girlfriends (it's bad enough she still exists), so I wouldn't keep anything from any of my former lovers.
I recently decided to get rid of anything my ex gave me, but now I realize I have an engagement ring I have to sell.
lie and say you got it somewhere else. although if he somehow finds out about its true orgin you're kinda screwed for lying OR tell him the truth and have him wonder what else you'd wear or even keep that may over shadow any of his future purchases.
quite the conundrum if you ask me.
You know what you can do? You can totally take it to a jeweler's shop (READ: not jewelry, JEWELER'S) and get the stone re-set into a different ring or get a new stone set into that ring! A jeweler can help you find a way to make it new and make it your own while still getting to keep the ring. That way, you can still wear it but it won't remind you of your ex because you will have made it your own.
Source: I worked in a jeweler's shop for a while. :) [P.S. Just look for a jewelry place that has "jeweler" in the title. They're usually locally owned.]good post with an interesting point!
I think when it comes down to it the decision about whether or not to keep and continue to wear sentimental items should be based entirely on how you feel about it. If you like the ring but feel uncomfortable wearing it in your current situation, put it back in the jewelry box and bust it back out again later on! Maybe the sentiment will fade some more as time goes by and soon you won't have to think of it at all when you feel like wearing it.
I actually have a specific memory from my childhood that pertains to this- my mother had a string of pearls that she would only wear very rarely. Being a little kid I asked her why she didn't wear them often because they were pretty, and she quietly told me that someone she dated before she married my father had given them to her as a present. I think she said that for fancy events or occasions for which they went out that she wanted to wear presents that my dad had given her, even though still having the pearls wasn't a big deal. So in short, you're not the only one to take such things into consideration :)
I haven't gotten jewelry from guys. I have a patchwork purse of all their broken hearts*cruella deville chuckle*
What @QuantumStorm@xanga said.
I don't have anything like that, but I'd just see them as trophies. ^^ Something pretty, and that shows that someone once cared enough to buy that gift for me. Perhaps a glance at that ring can remind one of their worth in a difficult moment.
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - Pawn them :D
hmm I dunno. I have a bunch of old jewelry from an ex that I don't wear anymore just because I guess my taste in jewelry evolved over the years and the pieces just aren't attractive to me anymore. so I gave them to my little sister. but I guess if I still liked them I'd wear them. I don't really ever think about him. the jewelry doesn't bring back any good or bad memories or trigger anything.
my current boyfriend is divorced and he still wear his wedding ring on a chain around his neck. as possessive as I am, I have NO IDEA why that doesn't infuriate me. but funny enough we had a little disagreement the other day because I have an old pair of basketball shorts I wear around the house and through conversation it came up that they belonged to my ex and he wasn't having it. he was convinced that I was wearing them for some sort of sentimental purpose. I had to seriously ask him, "basketball shorts or wedding ring, which do YOU think has more sentimental value?" smh
I keep my old jewellery. Some I wear regularly, some are just there as mementos, and others I'll probably end up selling eventually. If it doesn't bring back bad memories, wear it. There's nothing wrong with wearing jewellery from an ex as long as it's not a way of holding on to the past.
If you like it, keep it. I have quite a bit of stuff from my ex. They were gifts to me from a good friend that also happens to be an ex boyfriend. So what. Husband doesn't have much from ex girlfriends because almost everyone he dated had the belief that "you're the guy so you should give."
If you enter into a new friendship, do you give up all your stuff from previous friends? No. So unless you only dated someone just because and not because you really liked them and shared some type of friendly bond, just keep it.
I have a silver band one of my ex boyfriend's gave to me. Would I wear it? No. But it reminds me of the few good times we had together... The only other jewelery I kept from a boy was a cute little happy face ring my ex's little brother gave me (he was 7 and had a crush on me)..
it's totally up to you if you consider it just nice jewelry. i personally got rid of all my stuff, couldn't be bothered with it.
i attach too many memories to things like that so i always feel uncomfortable.
@bbanmen420@xanga - Haha not a bad idea :p
I can't wear old stuff like that. It kills my heart.
I think it's all about the situation. My ex and I broke up because he was cheating on me. I could never wear the jewelry again, and after dating him for 7 years, I went through a pretty rough time. During that time, there were a couple friends that were there for me. I ended up pawning the rings and necklace in hopes that someone else would give them to someone they cared about and I used the money to treat the people who were still in my life and still loved me.
If you have nothing but good memories and your current partner doesn't care, then wear them. But if you find yourself thinking back to the past more than focussing on the present, find a safe storing place.
I kept but do now wear my wedding rings or my 10th Anniversary ring (we divorced on our 15th anniversary). However, I do still wear the other jewelry I received as gifts.
I tend to get rid of things. I'm a pretty sentimental person and items like jewellery have a lot of meaning and memories attached to them (not something you want around when they don't make you happy looking at them anymore).
I think as long as you're not discarding your current boyfriends jewelry for the ex's jewelry it's fine. Even then maybe it just means the ex had better taste. I often wonder if my ex ever wears any of the jewelry I gave her over the years. I imagine she just threw them all in the trash, or melted them down or something though heh.