Thursday, 15 November 2012
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When is a Relationship Over?
One of my roommates came to me for girl advice the other day. He told me he liked someone who has/had a boyfriend but the bf hasn't even talked to her since May. I'm thinking how do you not talk to someone in five + months? I talk and even see my man two to three times a week. He's 2 1/2 hours away and her boyfriend is only 1.5 hours away.So do you think that by them not talking/not hanging out for a long time the relationship is automatically over then? I asked him if she's tried to reach her boyfriend and he said yeah, but he never answers. The girl is official with that other guy but they just haven't talked or seen each other in a long time.
When is a relationship over if it hasn't been officially said that it's over?
It's pretty much the fade away but they were official though so I'm not sure. Have you ever dealt with this? I've only dealt with the fade away with non-official relationships and it didn't need to be said that it was over since it was always unofficial.
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- From: xinq@xanga
- About Me: Do not expect me to "respect" your views, if/when you don't do the same in return.
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Comments (30)
Seiously?? @_@ That is when you assume it is over!!! If he is not even answering and she knows he is alive still whether it be social media updates or mutual friends, then it is time for a reality check and assume he is a coward who couldn't even just dump you.
So! That said, she needs to get real and move on. She should have done this months ago. MONTHS.It is over when there is no relationship and there is no relationship between the two, hasn't been since May.
I had an ex who disappeared for three months, and when he showed back up he tried to tell me that it was never over. After him being gone for three weeks I decided it was over and started dating again. He told me I was cheating. People are so crazy sometimes haha. If you aren't talking to someone and they are making no efforts to talk to you then it's probably over. If someone wants to be with you and wants to talk to you, they will. There is no reason to go five months without talking to someone who is important in your life especially with all the technology there is today. There are exceptions to this, but for the most part, in any situation if someone is not making the same effort you are why would you want to be with them anyways?
Maybe I am mean, but I would ask the guy why he is pursuing this woman. I don't know anyone who would think they were still in a relationship with someone they haven't even spoken to in 5 months (unless of course he was some kind of undercover FBI agent or does secret ops in the military or something). I would tell him to just move on. No, I've never dealt with this in an official relationship, but I am curious about people who have....providing they even exist.
Is he dead?
I mean, either way it's over. And that's the dumbest question I've ever heard.
Sometimes I wonder too. I haven't seen my bf for awhile now and I was wondering the same thing but he's been unwell.
If you haven't spoken to someone in six months, I'm pretty sure it's over.
lol. why would he even want a girl who's so fucking dense anyway?
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Hah, I don't know but whenever he brings her over I get the vibe that there's something about her I don't like and I don't like too many girls, lol. Not that I'm jealous or anything because my roommates have brought over other girls that I've had no problems with but this one just gives me a bad vibe.
@tictact0e0@xanga - As far as he and she has said, he just took another job in Chicago and hasn't talked to her since they graduated college. Meh, All I know is if a boyfriend doesn't get back to me in a week tops it's over. Unless he has a very good explanation of being gone for so long. One time something came up with my bf and he didn't have any communication for a week but I knew something happened to him so I wasn't mad about not talking to him for a week.
Yeah, I agree with @TheNotoriousGOD@xanga
Other than that, he should make a move, she'll probably fall right into his arms with all the neglect she has gotten.
I only ever recognize a persons relationship if they are active with each other. In this case the absent 'boyfriend' is no more than an oxygen wasting flesh-bag making things complicated.
@tictact0e0@xanga - I see what you're saying, anything could have happened to him but really if your boyfriend is in a coma, goes missing etc you're going to find out about it.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - That's so true, who in their right mind would stay 'official' with someone that hasn't talked to them in 5 months!! That's crazy.
You can get a divorce if your spouse disappears for [x] years (x varies by state, I think). And a relationship isn't a marriage, so...yea, pretty sure she should just forget about that one. Hopefully she's tried to figure out if anything has happened? I have trouble fathoming this situation.
@xinq@xanga - @isitreal_no@xanga - Still, there's the other thing I pointed out, or tried to point out, is despite the relationship status of the girl, if she is to insist on staying "official" with her bf, she's most likely isn't interest in the roommate (because she's clinging onto her feelings for her bf or using her vague relationship as an excuse to turn the roommate down).
If she was interested in the roommate, she would let go of the relationship and be together with the roommate (unless she's the type that wants full confirmation of the end of the relationship, then if that's the case, she should just find a way to reach her bf and just end it already if that's what she's aiming to do).
So whether if the relationship ended or not due to the lack of communication, to me, that depends. But if she chooses to stick to the relationship, she most likely isn't finding interest in the roommate.
@tictact0e0@xanga - Hence the bad vibe I have about her when he says he's interested in her. I even told him why is he talking to someone who still wants to call someone a bf that they haven't seen nor talked to in a long time! She even makes out with other guys, too. Funny thing is she's a virgin but she sure doesn't act like it.
Umm, it's pretty shitty of him to just ignore her for so long, so if he didn't consider it over, I certainly would! I'm not one for texting all day, every day, but my guy & I will at least text, "Good morning, good night/how was your day?" every day. I mean, communication lets you know the other is thinking about you.. & if he's not communicating, he's not thinking about her. That girl needs to get over her denial & move on! Maybe your friend should say something like, "Listen, if I were your boyfriend, I wouldn't ignore you or go days without talking to you.. maybe you should think about a trade-in." It's a little blunt, but it's better than waiting to see what happens next!
Well, clearly the relationship isn't over for her. People can stay in a relationship with someone who left them years ago, or passed away etc. As long as they continue to relate, and they see that person as their partner, they aren't available for another relationship.
On the other hand, she could be using the story of still being with this other guy to get this new guy to leave her alone.
could it be that its a bullshit story and there is no absentee boyfriend made up because she doesn't want to go out with the roommate?
if she has tried contacting him and he hasn't answered her for that long it sounds like at least one of them thinks it already is over.
Eh, I'd send a message saying, "hey if you don't contact me by the end of the week, I'm going to assume we're over" first. (Well, I'd have contacted his friends or family and tried to make sure he wasn't dead long before now, but that's not really the point here.) It's probably over but that clears her from any claims of cheating, IMO. If she were that interested in him, though, she'd already have taken such steps.
Yes, that relationship is over...5 months and no talk? Who would think that relationship is still functioning? If you think that relationship is still functioning you've got your own problems. He shouldn't even bother with that girl. She has things she already needs to work out on her own without being pursued by another guy.
When my boyfriend was in high school, he would go weeks without talking to his gf, mostly because he just didn't feel like talking to her. He had severe social anxiety (still does) and would rather just not talk to her then confront her and end the relationship. I'm not saying that is the mature thing to do, but it might provide a little insight into the "boyfriend's" reasons for not contacting the gf. If I was your roommate though, I would tell him to run screaming for the hills because any girl that is willing to put up with that nonsense for 5 months is either crazy, desperate, or in denial, none of which make for good gf material.
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - Exact same thing happened to me, except mine came back in four months instead. Never 'broke' up with me but I would consider blocking me online and changing his# out of the blue with no notice as a break-up. Never looked back so when he came back I totally ignored x_o
It's over when she can sing, "We are never, ever, ever getting back together!"
Seriously, if your friend loves her and thinks he can make her happier than her current guy, then he should go for her.
@l4letty@xanga - Mine came back after about four months, too. Then, disappeared again and came back after another four months and I was stupid enough to date him for four more years. Naive haha. Definitely will be taking your approach if he ever pops up again.