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Last night my boyfriend informed me that he is over condoms. He doesn't want to wear them anymore. Instead he wants me to go on the pill or get a diaphragm or ring or something. Just no more condoms.
I don't like this at all. I used to be the sort of girl who was okay with a guy sticking it in me unwrapped but not anymore after my last boyfriend gave me Hepatitis C. "But you can't get that from sex!" some people say.
It turns out that was wrong. Sometimes people do get Hepatitis C from sex. If you have even a microscopic abrasion on your vagina and your boyfriend has a small abrasion or cut on his genitals, you can get Hepatitis C from him. Hepatitis C is a tough little virus. It can survive outside a human body for up to 7 days. You don't have to be a junkie to get Hep C; it's easier to transmit than people think.
Anyway I went through hell because of Hepatitis C. I was prescribed Interferon for the disease and let me tell you, Interferon is like chemotherapy. It's horrible. You're in pain all day long. All. Day. Long. You throw up, lose your hair... it's horrific. I really just wanted to die. I was ready to go off the meds and take my chances with the disease (Hep C can be managed with a good, healthy diet and lifestyle, but it still increases your chances for liver cancer and cirrhosis by 50%) but somehow, I made it through the six months required for the drug therapy.
My doctor said I had a clean bill of health and took me off the meds, but I've been careful ever since.
So in short, no. If you want to date me, you're gonna have to wear a condom. I've been through too much to be polite to a guy who can't respect my health. My boyfriend has already had an HIV test at a free clinic but he says he's not going to get an STD workup and blood tests. He doesn't have health insurance and it would cost him a lot of money to get the tests.
"Okay," I said, "We'll just use condoms. No biggie."
"I hate condoms."
Sigh.
Pills and diaphragms don't protect against STDs or Hepatitis.
Does anyone have any suggestions about how I can make my boyfriend wear a condom? I don't want to dump him, but I'm going to if this keeps up.
This post was submitted anonymously.
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Comments (56)
Stop fucking him until he gets the workup or grows some balls and wears the condom? Or better yet, dump him since he obviously can't respect your wishes - even though you "don't want to."
If he can't respect you now, he won't respect you later. You're better off without him.
Your boyfriend is a dumbass. While I can understand his not wanting to get an STD test because he can't afford it, I cannot understand why he thinks that allows him to just do you bareback. Ignorance isn't bliss. Ignorance is normally itchy, burning, and comes with a sore. Just tell him, "You hate condoms? I hate gonorrhea. Put it on or I'm not putting out."
Frankly, I always make sure there are always at least two birth controls in place. Pill and condom, (if I know they're clean) pill and pull out, condom and pullout... whatever. A k-i-d or an S-T-D would suck right about now (well an STD sucks at any time).
If you haven't told him about your history with Hep C, I would do that first. It may help him understand why you're so persistent. If you tell him that and he still refuses, dump the stupid fuck.
this is a great opportunity to experiment with oral sex!
tell him that if he doesnt want to "get in" the condom he can eat out.
hahaha
@mcmeister89@mancouch - what he said.
Seriously. No condom no sex.
"Does anyone have any suggestions about how I can make my boyfriend wear a condom?"
You can't "make" or force him to do anything. He has every right to decide if he wants to wear a condom or not, just like you have every right to determine your own policies with regards to sex. It's up to the two of you to establish your boundaries, and then decide how far either of you are willing to compromise.
lube up some condom with some KY warming stuff and then have him wear the condoms then, maybe that'll help? (random suggestion, probably a dumb idea but putting it out there if it's a not bad one to you)
You can't make him do anything. In the end, it's up to you on whether or not you allow him to go sans rubber. No condom = no sex. If he can't deal with that, he needs to move on and find some other stupid girl willing to risk possible STDs and pregnancy.
Sounds like neither of you will be having sex for a while. If he can't afford and/or doesn't want to get testing, then sorry, but good sex = safe sex, and no condom does not equal safe sex.
Un. Cool. Of course it makes sense to compromise in many situations, but never allow someone to attempt to talk you out of your comfort zone, especially when your health and safety are at risk. You are an intelligent and health conscious woman who has unfortunately had a bad experience in the past. I think he is being disrespectful by seemingly closing the conversation on using condoms as well as flat out refusing to get an STD check. Disrespectful and irresponsible.
There do exist clinics where you can get complete STD workups for free. Depending on your region, you are likely to find organizations such as this: http://www.freestdcheck.org/ You'd be surprised at what resources may be available in your area after just a bit of research. Of course labs and tests can be quite pricey at certain places, but that is no excuse to not behave like a responsible sexually active adult.
That said, a clean bill of health still doesn't mean that being bullied out of using protection is okay. I hope you bf gets his act together and either starts communicating with you and respecting you, otherwise I'd have to say it is in your best interests to move on =/
What an idiot. Honestly, either get the STD tests or wear a condom. I can't even understand how he feels like he has the right to complain if he won't take an hour out of his day to go get tested. Frankly, I wouldn't want to be with someone if they refused to get tested anyway.
If he doesn't wrap it, he can't tap it. Such a fool to not cover his tool. If he doesn't cover that boner, he's gonna be a loner.
the pill is generally better if you both know you're STD free and don't plan on being with other people. But in your case, since he refuses to get an STD check and since you had an STD before, definitely give him an ultimatum about the condom issue.
Does he realise he can get hep C from you? You would think he would want to wear a condom. I'm sorry but he sounds like an idiot, hes willing to risk his and your health all because hes over wearing condoms boo woo
He sounds like a scum.
Just stop having sex. That's all there is to it. If he wants to stick it in, he'll just have to suck it up.
Oh and if he doesn't want to pay for a blood test, you can tell him to go to a blood bank to either sell his blood or donate it. They run tests on your blood for most diseases when they take it from you. It's free and/or you get paid for it.
Hep C is no joke. It killed my uncle recently and that was after a liver transplant and a supposed clean bill of health. It returned and shut down his liver and kidneys....
And also, he should go to planned parenthood for discounted STD testing.
Either way, the man doesn't deserve to get laid if he's that reckless with his and your health.
@JusticeCho@xanga - Bloodwork doesn't pick up all STD's. Some are only detectable via urethral swab or urine.
If he can't even give you the basic respect you deserve, he doesn't deserve you at all.
@MomWithoutaMinivan@xanga - I know that's why I said most. Even still it's better than nothing and negates his argument of it costing him too much to get it done. If he still denies getting it done then you know it's not just about the money. Granted a full test of course would be best to cover all their bases.
@JusticeCho@xanga - I overlooked your use of the word "most", my apologies.
@MomWithoutaMinivan@xanga - No prob.
um easy solution...just do it in the butt?
I would dump him because he doesn't seem to give a shit about your health.Your health is the most important thing you have. It's better to be poor and healthy than rich and very very very sick.
I got HPV from my last boyfriend and it's hell. I have to get a papsmear every 4 months and I could get cervical cancer and he only has a 1% chance of getting testicular cancer and doesn't have to get probed every 4 months. stupid fucker.
Sex is a gift, not a privilege.
Isn't he worried about getting Hep C from you if he doesn't use a condom?
Stick it to him straight...no glove no love. If he can't respect you, theres the door!