Tuesday, 13 November 2012
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Women: Men's "Princesses"?
A recent opinion article published in a college newspaper has shown itself to be quite polarizing among the students on campus. This article is one senior’s account of his personal experiences in the college “hook-up culture,” as he calls it. After spending his first three years of undergrad frequently drinking, partying, and making out/hooking up with random women, the author decided that this wild lifestyle did not bring him emotional fulfillment, and he changed his ways. In this article, he attempts to persuade other students to move away from the hook-up culture as well.His main argument, that all women should be treated with respect, is, in itself, not refutable. After all, everybody is entitled to respect. What, then, caused all the controversy among many students? Take a look at his choice of diction in the following excerpts:
“Each woman on this campus is someone’s princess.”
“Where will they find security, support and comfort? Are there any men who will commit themselves to providing these things for a woman?”
The author’s choice to call women “princesses” and claim that men must provide security for women because they are living away from home at college is rubbing many students as sexist. Why do women exclusively need protection? Does the author not believe they are able to stand up for themselves? Why should they have to rely on men to provide them with protection?
Then, of course, there is this line from the last paragraph, which makes some bold assumptions about what women want: “You're treasured and there's a man who will call you his princess, who will protect you and keep you safe. Don’t settle for anything less.” This statement assumes that all college-aged women are ultimately interested in having a monogamous relationship and finding their “prince.”
While some students supported his stance and claimed that they, too, wanted to be in the type of monogamous relationship where they felt respected, protected and cherished, others claimed they would rather be hooking up with people than in a long-term relationship. The type of relationship a person desires is a personal choice, and it cannot be assumed that every person of the same sex is going to want the exact same type of relationship.While I personally agree with the central message that the author was trying to convey, that all women should be treated with respect, I wish he had thought more about his word choice so that he did not come off sounding sexist to many of his peers. Why not argue that all people deserve respect? After all, women, and sometimes other men, take advantage of men as well; why should that issue be overlooked?
Do you think the negative reaction to the original article was justified? To what extent do you agree with the author of the original article? Is it a man’s responsibility to protect the women around them, or is that line of thought purely sexist and/or “old fashioned”?
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- From: iamnotyourgrandma
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Comments (84)
lol. i guarantee you that the proportion of girls arguing with the aforementioned point is much larger than the proportion who actually demonstrate that independent stance through their actions.
why do i feel like i mention something about this topic at least once a week?
I think the author was probably misunderstood, meaning he chose words poorly. But honestly, men are put in the trenches in our culture. Don't hold open the door for a girl or dont pay for a first date and you are a douche, but then when you say females depend on you or need your protection, you are still a douche. I really and honestly think men cannot win, especially when even women themselves are divided on such issues.
Sigh. I agree with him--I'm sure he wasn't trying to be offensive.
“Each woman on this campus is someone’s princess.”
I really like that.
There may not be many dangerous wild animals running around anymore, but some men have replaced them. No, it's definitely a man's responsibility to protect the women around him, whether women realize this and enjoy the fact or not.
It's not a man's responsibility to protect a woman just because she's a woman. It's good for humans to look out for each other because, oh I don't know, it's a decent thing to do?
"“Each woman on this campus is someone’s princess.”“Where will they find security, support and comfort? Are there any men who will commit themselves to providing these things for a woman?”"
Disgusting.
I agree with @Doubledb@xanga - .
Only if the women will help/serve the men around campus, too.
YES! I need protection from The ROCK
He should wear his chef hat and bow tie only while serving me breakfast in bed
then bench press me 100 times with one arm. damn that's hot. he'll set the water for MY bubblebath. not just anyone can be The ROCK
that guy is a pebble.
"This statement assumes that all college-aged women are ultimately interested in having a monogamous relationship and finding their “prince.”"
Monogamous relationships are what hold our society together and the 'hooking up and having fun' culture/lifestyle wouldn't exist without them.
Being a good, responsible protector is a choice and making men like this out to be disrespectful for assuming the more vulnerable members of society could always use the extra security severely takes away from the incentive to be one.
Ok, I know most of you probably haven't been to the University of Michigan... but this doesn't surprise me at all. I almost feel bad that he's been hooking up and having sex with UofM girls. Ever wonder why they don't have a mascot wolverine? They do, just look at their student body...
But in all seriousness, this isn't a member of the paper. He's a student who wrote in about his experiences (as terrible as they probably were). His experiences probably included women who just wanted to be treated like a princess, especially given that he's in Ann Arbor. And hey, he's a serious Christian, engineering major, and drum major for the band... we all know how suave those guys are. If that's not a recipe for "I don't know my way around women in social situations", I don't know what is. $50 says he has or has had obnoxiously bad facial hair. It's almost a requirement for graduating from an engineering program- guy or girl.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Yeah, no shit. They're all Rosie until they go outside.
IMO, it's sexist and old-fashioned.
"Men, the women on campus are all vulnerable. They’re away from their homes and families and are now in our care."
"If you’re looking for a relationship, find someone who will protect you... You're treasured and there's a man who will call you his princess, who will protect you and keep you safe. "
I'm not going to look for someone who will protect me. I'll look for someone I feel emotionally and physically safe around, sure - I'm not going to seek out someone who's going to reduce me to what my body can do for him - but there are ways to objectify someone that happen within monogamous relationships where the woman is "treasured" as well. I don't want to be made into an object that needs to be kept safe. I want to be embraced as a capable human being, and anyone who thinks I'm "vulnerable" and that I need to "find someone who will protect [me]" is lacking a fundamental understanding of my personhood.
He does makes some valid points - it IS sad when girls dress provocatively specifically because they don't know how to feel valuable any other way, and it IS a good idea to surround yourself with good people and friendships, but that doesn't erase the misogynistic tone of the piece.
@Edeline_Wrigh@xanga - "I don't want to be made into an object that needs to be kept safe."
You are so deluded by the privilege afforded to you by the ideals you would criticize and the men who uphold them. You are (and your body is) an object that needs to be kept safe whether you want to be made into one or not, but I suppose that's one of the perks of living in such a safe society... that you never have to realize it.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Would you mind expounding on your comment to @Edeline_Wrigh@xanga? I'm just curious what you meant by it. Mostly, just the first part concerning the "privilege afforded ... by the ideals [Edeline] would criticize".
Women get mad when you suggest a man should protect them. Women get mad when you suggest they should protect themselves. You're damned either way.
Really, I figure he just didn't come off the way he intended.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - If I need to be kept safe from people because of my gender, then society as it is has made it more unsafe for me to be a woman than to be a man, and that in and of itself shows how society's ideals are hurting me.
It is possible to respect women without assuming it's your responsibility as a man to protect them.
@Edeline_Wrigh@xanga - It is absolutely possible, but until we live in a perfectly safe world female anatomy is not equal to male anatomy as humans ARE (at least in the physical and biological sense) objects whether we want to come to this realization or not, and it is my responsibility as a man to protect a more physically (and as a direct result of this, often emotionally) vulnerable woman so long as there is something to protect them from.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - ^ That.
Eh, princesses are always in another castle anyway.
I think if you grant a woman the emotional strength to be single, you are already assuming she doesn't need to be a princess. And if a woman can't be single, she already is too much trouble.
I think he was trying to be nice. People are nitpicking and overreacting.
Gotta love feminists. Saying that women should be treated well! UCH! Such a travesty!
lol poor guy, unknowingly opened a can of worm on hypocritical double standards with his article. No, women obviously aren't princesses, but the same people who complain about the sexism in his article probably also, at the same time, expect chivalrous door-opening and date-paying from the men they call sexist.
Oh my gosh, these whiny people give me a headache. Yes, men should protect women and treat them as valuable. Women should also protect men and treat them as valuable. I wouldn't have phrased it quite the way he did, but I think he was just trying to make the point that we need to stop viewing ourselves and each other as disposable sex toys.
I think he's just a college guy who's too young to be commenting on gender roles, wanted to say something nice, and ended up sounding like he's 18-21. Makes me think of a lot of nice guys I knew in college who were trying to be good guys but were slightly immature in their understanding of women.
As others have said, I think he just chose his words poorly. I don't really get the hookup culture, either, but apparently others do get it, and if that's what they want, that's their business.
But I think respect, decency, and kindness have nothing to do with gender. You treat others the way you would want to be treated. You treat your SO well because you love them. I think certain acts of caring are a bit more specific to one gender than another, but they aren't necessarily exclusive. (For example, if I had a boyfriend, it wouldn't make a lot of sense for me to walk him home at night because, seriously, what thug is going to look at me and think, "Damn. Guess I won't mug her boyfriend. She looks scary."? But if I happened to be a martial arts expert and/or a really good shot, then maybe...)
I don't mind being treated like a queen...as long as I also get to treat him like a king. I'm just not looking for some prince to come riding in on a white horse to rescue me and be my personal body guard. I want a partner who treats me well, but doesn't put me on a pedestal.
"Each woman on this campus is someone’s princess.”
at it's core this means that every woman on campus is held with the highest value to someone, anyone who says they don't want this is a liar. so; true.
“Where will they find security, support and comfort? Are there any men who will commit themselves to providing these things for a woman?
I can't even say how often i've heard women complain about this even when they are steeped in the hookup culture. everyone wants security and comfort; i think it's just a matter of where they look for it.