Tuesday, 13 November 2012
I have no problem admitting that I have mental health problems; I’m not ashamed of it anymore. It does not make me a weak person, rather, my struggles have shaped who I am but do not define me. However, with a mental illness comes a certain amount of baggage and I’m well aware that I have plenty... enough to make almost any guy run.
I have been in therapy and on medication for several years and I have been pretty stable since starting college (I am now a senior). I have dated here and there, had one relationship, but for the most part I avoid relationships. I feel like any guy my age shouldn’t have to deal with everything that comes along with me. It isn’t that I’m not deserving of a relationship, it’s that I don’t think it would be fair to them. Even though I’m stable I still have bad days and I’m still dealing with abuse that happened in my past.
There is a guy now, who I would like to date, but I’m worried that I scared him away. We met over summer and we hung out several times, fooled around, but decided not to get into a relationship because of the distance when I’m at school. A few weeks ago I was at a party and I drank (I shouldn’t drink while on my medication) and I took a drug that a stranger gave me (smart, I know). I ended up having a horrible drug/alcohol interaction and I hurt myself pretty badly.
I ended up calling him while I waited for a friend to get me and take me to the hospital. Later we talked about it and he said that I just incoherently rambled and he stayed on the phone to make sure I got help. I apologized and told him that it wasn’t his job to watch out for me and I was sorry I put that responsibility on him. He said that he doesn’t see it that way and he was just glad I wasn’t hurt worse.
Things have been pretty awkward since then. I will soon be going home for Thanksgiving break and we were planning on hanging out but maybe I should just let things die off. He’s a really nice guy and I don’t want to hurt him. Although my drug induced mental breakdown isn’t a normal thing for me, I don’t think it’s something that anyone should have to deal with - especially because we aren’t actually in a relationship.
So, what do you think? Am I too crazy to date? Should I avoid damaging one of the few nice guys still in existence?