This post was submitted by Jessica.
Four years ago, while I was on vacation, I met this really great guy. He's significantly older than I am (about 10 years), but we really hit it off. Over the years, we have kept in touch off and on. Two years ago, I met my current boyfriend and we've been extremely happy, talked about marriage, etc.
Well, the last few months have been difficult. Our lives have gotten much busier and it's beginning to take a toll on our relationship. We don't see each other nearly as much as we used to. Last week, the guy that I met on vacation 4 years ago popped back up I didn't hide anything from my boyfriend and told him that this happened.
We've been talking via text and Skype the whole week. Oddly enough, we still have a really strong connection. Although we haven't seen each other since that ONE day, four years ago, we haven't seemed to skip a beat.
So, my problem is that I still love my boyfriend very very much and can see myself with him in the future, but now that this guy is back in my life, I seem so confused. I can't tell if it's because we truly have a great connection and there's a reason we're talking again or if it's because of the attention he's been giving me.
Has anyone been in this kind of situation? I gratefully appreciate any advice you could give me.
Thank you all!
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Comments (19)
Relationships take work. If you really love and appreciate your boyfriend, then put in the effort to WORK on the relationship. Life does get crazy and get in the way, so make time for each other. And just stop communicating the this older other guy. He's likely wasting your time.
sooooo who's the girl in the photo, cause i would LOVE to be introduced to some fine dark-skinned chicas.
There's no confusion. Your relationship with your boyfriend is tenuous and this guy is offering much-needed pizzazz in your life, and you're not sure if you want to stick with your boyfriend or go with this guy (otherwise there would be no "confusion" if you were sure either way).
Make a decision; do you want to stay with your boyfriend or dump him for the new guy? Is the new guy worth dumping your boyfriend for? It's up to you, because you know the situation better than any of us here. Don't come to us for approval (so you can blame us later when things go to shit).
You need to cut out that guy who contacted you out of the blue and focus on your current relationship
I suggest this because you seem unsure who you want to be with and noted from a previous commenter, it's your decision because you know the situation best. But how to decide? maybe a test would help you
if you have time to text/skype with this old guy, then why don't you have time to text/skype with your bf
I really don't believe that your current bf doesn't even have at least 20-30 minutes to spare each day to text/skype with you or other interactions. so you aren't that busy since you have time to communicate with this old guy. it is just excuses. you miss the new feeling you got when you first talked to someone new or the butterflies in your stomach feelings. you're substituting your bf's lack of attention to you with this guy.
I feel like it's the positive attention this guy is giving you that you crave, but like the feeling of infatuation, it probably is just a temporary phase that won't last. Just think clearly on the permanent feelings and don't let something temporary ruin something good that you have or may have with your bf.
@chronic_masticator@xanga - I can relate as well. Been there and done that too. Hard life lesson learned. I am glad you and your husband are working things out. Good luck to you. :)
You're just in a rut and the 4 year ago guy brings back memories and also something new at the same time. If you're really in love with your boyfriend and planning on a future together you have to know that it won't always be sunshine and rainbows, sometimes it'll be 'I love you more than you'll ever know'. Other times you'll get on each others nerves. That's just reality. It can't always be kisses, hugs, and beautiful words. You just gotta keep at it to make it work, if you really want it to.
One day? And you've been with your boyfriend for two years? It sounds like a cheeky crush to me. Don't do anything drastic yet, and by that I also mean don't talk to this older guy so much because I know your boyfriend probably doesn't or won't appreciate it. If you love your boyfriend as much as you say you do, don't take this crush too seriously and give your boyfriend some respect.
Try things with your current boyfriend to keep your relationship alive. You say that your life is too busy to commit to the relationship as much as you used to be able to, who says it'll be any different with this new guy? I know why you feel differently about it, because he's new and exciting. Those emotions are very short term though, and if you're not careful you could be left with no one.
Tread lightly, and good luck!I've been there - you just crave attention and communication and this guy is giving it to you. If you love your boyfriend, cut off contact with this new guy and focus on your relationship. It's totally natural that you crave the attention you used to get from your boyfriend - you just need to talk to him and explain how you feel. If he cares, he'll make time for you.
I wouldn't involve myself with this guy you met back years ago. First off and most importantly you are with your bf. Even if things aren't going all that great, you are still with him. Love isn't always going to be great 100% of the time. There are bumps along the road and you have to realize that. Being in the position your bf is in once before, it is not fair nor is it right.
Secondly, even if you ended things and decided to talk to the other guy more to see where it would lead, you both are far. I think it would be very hard to maintain some type of relationship with someone that isn't close by.
It seems like somewhere inside you, you still crave for his attention, so you send out that energy so he keeps bugging you. I'm sure he will move on if you just ignore him in everykind of communication devices.....
You've already had a few years with your boyfriend, is he the love of your life? Are you going to get married eventually and spend the rest of your lives together? if not end it with him and get with this other guy. It may or may not work out but sometimes it's worth the risk.
There are hills and valleys in any relationship..tell your boyfriend everything. Encourage him to sit down and talk to you and tell him you need some of his time. (not whiny request.. just straight-forward request).
If your boyfriend continues to ignore you, break up with him and see if there is any potential in the other relationship..
Also, are you absolutely sure that this other guy who is 10 years older isn't MARRIED??? Be careful on this one.
Christy
I could elaborate, but I'll keep this simple. You only think you have a strong connection with this guy because of where you're at in your current relationship right now. You two don't know each other at all.
Side-note: Why do they always accompany these posts with stock photos of women looking like bubble-headed twits?
Weigh the pros and cons of both guys and make your decision after doing that, then stick with your decision.
You've just got to do some hardcore thinking about what you want.