Sunday, 11 November 2012
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The Obsessive Guy
This post was submitted anonymously.
I'm 15-years old and not looking for a relationship at the moment, but I have been in two serious relationships and feel I'm too young to have any more for a while. Anywho, there is this guy who's four years older and he's super obsessed. He gets so mad when I'm with other people or chilling with other guys; he threatens to beat up anyone that talks to me. I cry every night because he always fights about everything, and he begs me to take pictures and send them, but I refuse to.He gets mad calling me horrible names, and telling me that I "better watch out." He says I don't care about him and that he loves me and wants to be with me. He even asks me to do sexual things! I'm 15 and I'm not comfortable with that yet but he won't respect it.
He can be a really good guy at times and he has been there for me a lot in the past, but lately I'm getting to the point where every time I talk to him I cry. He is also the violent type; he punches things, hurts himself or talks about killing himself when we fight which scares me. I can't tell him to get out of my life because he scares me way too much and he has a lot of blackmail on me.
Can someone please help and tell me what to do? I'm so tired of crying every night and being scared!
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Comments (31)
Restraining order. That's the only thing I can think of. This guy seems like a full fledge psycho.
Get out of this...whatever it is! You do not deserve that. This is all negative attention. Don't justify these actions if he "was a nice guy." Blackmail a 15 year old? He is pathetic. Go to a trusted adult.
Your scenario sounds like a Discovery ID story in the making. I feel this guy can take desperate measures if things progress since you say he has a violent nature, and may end up harming you. I would go to the police maybe if you have enough evidence of his obsessive, destructive behavior. Do be careful and never go anywhere alone just for your safety.
First, I think you should talk to your parents or some other adult that you trust about what's going on with this guy. If the age of consent is under 15 in your state, the fact he asked for pictures of a minor and solicited sex with a minor is illegal. Please don't be afraid to talk to an adult.
Now that's an obviously bad scenario. Make sure your parents and friends know you don't want him around and be safe.
@laytexduckie@xanga - Full-fledged, btw.
@DatingishEditors - How many stock photos of random black hoodie man 6 feet away do you have? The chick in the image looks old enough to buy liquor without getting ID'd and might have a little bit of a mustache going on there unless that's just the lighting. :\
Also, he kind of looks young enough to be her son. I can see it now, "MOM!" and that face she's making "Oh shit! We're all out of Totino's pizza rolls!".
What the shit. Tell the PO-lice, hello.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - That works too.
Tell your parents! And if they don't care, go to the police! I had a jackass like that in my life too when I was your age. DON'T PUT UP WITH HIM!!!!!! If he wants to kill his sorry ass, let him! My guess is he won't. I suspect it just emotional blackmail. One thing you can do is go to the courthouse and see about getting a restraining order against him and if he threatens you again, it's possible you can get him arrested. Don't feel guilty for it. His behavior does not evince love; just possessiveness and that's not the same thing. He's doing whatever he can get away with to control you utterly. Don't let him!
Do not stay with this guy. that will lead to more trouble than you already have. I would definitely involve another adult to help get this under control whether it be your parents, police or an adult you trust.
Get a restraining order on him. I'm going to assume the blackmail is that he has pictures. If he keeps threatening you with that you should remind him that if he sends those pictures it's considered child porn. You are still considered a child while he is an adult. If he sends those pictures he has a lot more to lose than you do. I don't know what else the blackmail might be if not pictures, but you need to get out of that situation. Any person who is like that only gets worse.
Speak to your parents, a teacher....anyone who is an adult. Let them know what is happening. Tell him you don't want him to contact you in any way ever again. If he persists, have your father or mother speak to him and firmly let him know what he's doing is illegal. I've done a lot of work with abused women and believe me when I tell you that his threats against others, punching things and threatening to kill himself will soon turn into punching you. In the mean time, don't go anywhere unless you are in a group, don't answer his phone calls, emails or texts. Cut it off cleanly NOW.
I agree with what everyone is saying - inform the police and get a restraining order. This guy is unstable and bad news. Please, for your safety, speak up to a trusted adult. This CAN be fixed.
You really need to tell your parents. 15 is just too young to be doing this on your own. If not your parents then a school counselor. He is manipulative. When he does stuff like threaten to kill himself, that's manipulating you into feeling sorry for him, so that you will not "hurt him". That's NOT okay. It's not okay to manipulate you, and it's not okay that you are frightened and scared. You deserve to not be frightened and scared. Like somebody else said, if his blackmail is pictures, he will essentially be distributing child pornography. He will serve jail for this. If it's something else, it can't be worth anything that you've gone through or will go through. Get help from adults.
@laytexduckie@xanga - agreed.
Also, yeah..blackmailing a 15 year old? Come on, dude.That is no man. A agree to go to an adult. Tell them what you've told us. It's hard, but it's better than dealing with a person like that.The first thing I need to tell you is that nothing good will come out of this if you keep in contact with him. He's four years older, right? That makes him 19 years old. He's an adult. He's an asshole and he's probably not going to change. Any guy who acts and behaves that way is bad news, and you need to stay away from him to keep yourself safe, physically and emotionally.
Change your number and block him from your social network sites. If he comes to see you face to face, tell your parents that an older boy won't leave you alone. Don't be scared to tell them, they're your parents and they'll want to protect you.
No girl should ever be made to feel scared of a boy. It's absolutely disgusting.
Call the police or tell a trusted adult. I'm older than you and I still feel creeped out by things like this. Better to be safe than sorry.
You really need to tell an adult that can take some action to help you!! He may be nice sometimes but he sounds very unstable and unsafe to be around, take care of yourself for your sake and the sake of the people that love you...get help!!
Talk to your parents or a trusted adult about it. Sometimes in this situation you need to take a step back & let someone else handle it, especially if you're afraid or if he knows how to manipulate you into continuing to talk to him. If you're comfortable with it, have your parents (or trusted adult) arrange a meeting with him & his parents, & you can tell him in front of witnesses that if he tries to contact you, you will get a restraining order against him.
Be strong. You have to stand up to him. You just have to be brave & do it.
I know everyone is talking about you taking steps on going straight to an adult / police, but you can also just break up with him. In some kind of really dramatic way that has to do with you not being able to handle a relationship now. Create a massive lie and talk about how hard your life is, maybe something with your parents, or a best friend, whatever it is, and tell him you're having a serious breaking point in your life and you need to be alone. I think he DOES care about you even though he's a complete obsessive fucked up douche bag, so in this way, he may back off because you're hurt rather than be angry at you for just cutting him out with a restraining order.
What I can see happening is that you break up with him, and he's goes cray, and comes to your house and takes you or a friend hostage or some shit. So try to think of some ways to ease out of this is the smoothest way possible. That you can ask an adult for advice for. A counselor on anger management would be able to give you good tips on how to deal with this guy.Tell your parents and PLEASE GET A RESTRAINING ORDER! I work at a domestic violence shelter. These behaviors are not normal. Check out this foundation that gives you a lot of information about these sorts of relationships and what you can do... http://www.joinonelove.org/resources-help
Scary! I hope we get an update on this, and I hope that update is you've already told someone with authority (I actually wouldn't advise you telling him straight to his face as that could put you in real danger), and he is either in jail or under a restraining order!
Call the cops?... Isn't that illegal? Since you are a minor and he's 19?
Also, I guess restraining order like people mentioned, but a peice of paper does not keep people away... Sadly :/
Sounds like a bona fide creep! I'm twice your age, and I would still be genuinely creeped out if someone behaved that way toward me.
My first thought was that you need a restraining order. Tell your parents what's going on and ask them to go to the police with you for a restraining order. It also wouldn't hurt to alert the principal and/or security guards at your high school to the situation. They could prevent the guy from being allowed on your campus. If you can, block his number from your phone. Or get a new phone number. Avoid him like the plague.
Also, there is safety in numbers. The more trusted people who know what this guy is doing, the better.
I don't know if you'd want to tell the police first, because he's over 18 and going after you he'd probably get arrested; and if he was a friend at one point might be a little much. If you're legitimately terrified though definitely do it. If he's sending you texts, emails, or anything else you can save and show as proof keep it. Do what others said, go to a trusted adult, school teacher, councilor, family member, police (if you feel the need to go that far), whatever and get him out of your life. The threats of suicide are probably empty, and if they're not he would need help either way because he would just get focused on someone/something else to the same degree. For one you're waaay too young to have such an abusive person in your life, and you should just never have someone so abusive in your life to begin with.
You may not want to tell your mom or dad, but you should really think about it. You know there's a problem and you've acknowledged that you don't know how to handle it which is great. Now, you have to get your friends and family involved because they can help you handle it. Make sure that everyone around you know that you want nothing to do with this creep (and he's being awful no matter how many excuses you're making for him). Trust me ( a complete stranger), this guy is bad news.
Tell your parents or someone else's parent that you're cool with, or a teacher, or an older student that you may know, or the counselor. Just someone you feel would approach the situation reasonably and help you handle the situation.
Keep evidence - voicemails, texts, pictures, notes, letters, emails, etc.
I hope everything goes all right.