Sunday, 11 November 2012
Over the summer after a coincidental onslaught of unprecedented contact from ex-lovers long past, I wrote this rant/blog, got it featured, and got lots of interesting feedback on the topic (thanks by the way!). Months later, I find myself returning to the same topic because one of the ex-boyfriends in question has contacted me again after I specifically and firmly requested that he not contact me anymore.
Short of continuing to ignore his advances and possibly blocking him from being able to contact me via Facebook, I don't really know what to do anymore. I also don't know what is going on, and though I am sick of dealing with this, I can't help but wonder. Since asking him what this is all about is certainly out of the question, I now open the floor to any speculation to what may be going on here.
Here is a run down of the experience:
1) We were friends for a brief period of time (a few months) before we began dating.
2) While we were friends, he helped me through one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, as a friend. We became very close friends and certainly bonded through this.
3) We decided to enter a romantic relationship once we were no longer co-workers when a summer job we worked came to a close.
4) After probably less than a month of being together, while I am out of town, his ex comes into the picture.
5) When I return to town, he admits to being confused now that his ex is back in the picture, and wants to step back to think (okay).
6) He gets back with the ex immediately and completely severs all communication with me.
7) He never even looks at me directly again much less speaks to me, despite the fact that we both live and work as RAs in the same dormitory.
8) Various acts of semi-public humiliation occur, including but not limited to blatant public displays of affection with the new/old girlfriend in front of me and others, an email from him which shows that I am now renamed as "Whore" in his contact list, etc.
9) Two years pass of no contact.
10) Random initiation of email contact from him. VERY light small talk that ends with, "I know I did handle things VERY wrong a few years ago. And, I am truly sorry," followed by my response along the lines of, "Thanks, I don't think about it anymore," and "...I'm honestly not very interested in reliving any part of our shared past either." End communication.
11) Another year passes of no contact. I am contacted again, engage in small talk via email messages, he tries to get serious with personal inquires/conversation, I apologize saying that I am not trying to be mean but that I needed him to not contact me anymore. He doesn't contact me for another few months until....
12) Over the weekend I get a friend request from him and some messages asking why it is too hard for me to at least be his friend on Facebook (god, I am SO sick of all that is Facebook...)
I am very frustrated with this. Our unfortunate run-in happened over three years ago, and though I am completely over it all, reliving the incident is the last thing that I want to do. I have no interest in trying to rekindle a friendship with someone who was this cruel to me, even though we were good and close friends before. I don't know how to convey that fact to him without seeming like I am still tied up in knots about this. I don't want him to think that I have feelings about this anymore, and that seems impossible to do as I attempt to explain that I just can't be in contact with him anymore by any means.
And what the heck is going on with him? Maybe he feels bad and wants to make amends? I suppose I appreciate that, but it honestly doesn't mean much to me anymore. From what I know, he is still with the person he left me for. That girl absolutely hated me, and I'm sure she wouldn't be happy to know that he has been pushing my boundaries trying to get in touch with me. If he needs some kind of catharsis, I don't know how to (and I don't really even care to) give it to him.
Bottom line: I don't want him in my life at all. I don't want him to think that I pine over this anymore, and I don't know how to get him to back off once and for all without giving him leverage to think that I still experience emotions over this.
So, what do I do? How do I forcefully communicate "leave me the fuck alone" without leading him to believe that I still experience strong emotions about our past?
Keep in mind that I have already clearly asked that he not try to contact anymore. I don't even want to go to the trouble of writing some long-winded explanation of why I don't want to be in touch with him only to be met with, "Oh, you seem so passionate about this still!" Why is he being so selfish by continuing to contact me against my wishes? Is my best plan to just completely ignore the advances even though they seem to keep trickling in?
How about I just send him a link to this post and leave it at that? (Just kidding, but oh the thought bwhahaha!)