On April 13th, 2012, my fiance was arrested. We've been together 18 months total, and I'm 18 while he's 21. He was arrested for assault and carrying a gun, and was sentenced on Monday the 5th of November, 2012. He got two and a half years and probation.
I met him through a friend, but she tried everything to split us up because she wanted him for herself. She told him that I cheated among other things.
We're sill going strong at the moment. He lied a few times, but nothing big. For example, he has never cheated on me. However, we have one major problem: his baby's mom is always calling him names and says he's a useless dad. He's not as bad as she makes him out to be; he's a good guy deep down and he's good to me. I'm coping well, but I'm just a bit stressed and I haven't had my period in two months. Actually, I'm a little scared that I've stopped developing.
Can anyone offer some advice?
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Comments (22)
What? I'm almost speechless.
First, Go out and get a pregnancy test...now! Stop reading and go!
Now that you're back...why didn't you get a pregnancy test when you first missed your period? If you had sex, you're probably pregnant.
Also...assault and carrying a weapon? Why would you want to be with someone who makes such poor life choices? Things have consequences...didn't he know that? Also doesn't sound like a good option for a parent, especially looking at his last situation.
@wildchildofthebluemoon@xanga - my first reaction to this was "lol, seriously." (as in, in agreement with you.) but i realized, what if she's not so on top of her shit also? which she probably isn't, haha. then it makes sense that she should be with a deadbeat.
i still think they should both be banned from reproducing, though :(
My advice, you can do much much better. Every man is "a good guy deep down", until they are not. He has already screwed up his own life, don't let it destroy yours. Oh, and go see a doctor.
Get a pregnancy test, hope to God you're not pregnant and RUN. Why would you stay with someone who was violent enough to get arrested for assault and for carrying a weapon? That shit stays with you FOREVER, it could hinder his chances of getting a job, loans etc. in the future and it'll never be taken off his record. You're 18 - grow up a bit, live your life and enjoy being young. In five years I doubt he'll even remember your name.
Anyone else hearing, "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"
I hope that you are not pregnant. He does not sound like the kind of man that you should want to be in your life. There are other men that will treat you well and not being a liar or a cheater should be a given; not something that sets a person apart as being special enough to be in a relationship with. He doesn't seem as bad as the mother of his child makes him out to be because you are not in her shoes and hopefully you will never be.
I agree with the others. Getting arrested for assault and carrying a weapon is a huge red flag. Leave this relationship while you can leave without any emotional scars.
@wildchildofthebluemoon@xanga - What she said.
@xDark_horizonx@xanga -
We always assume a woman "can do so much better" and I wonder why that is. It seems to be a natural response to women who choose crappy men.
All we know about her is her short post on her criminal boyfriend and her late period.. For all we know she absolutely cannot do "so much better".
@daydreams_nightmares@xanga - he'll be a gangbanger for life if he can't get a real job.
I get that people who have been convicted of felonies in the past deserve a break sometimes i.e. no judgement especially from loved ones in order to turn their life around, but you literally have your whole life ahead of you - why tie yourself down to someone potentially dangerous. I think you need to get a pregnancy test, figure out the facts before you go ahead and remember that even if you are pregnant and choose to keep the baby, you don't have to be with him in order to do it.
Plenty of "good guy deep down"s who aren't in jail.
@Manic_Butterflies@xanga - Haha, such hope and faith. Your right, chances are IF she ever does or can do better, it will not be much better at all.
lol wut is this
18
>18
dating a deadbeat dad for 18 months>deadbeat dad >18 months
lying fiance convicted and sentenced to jail
>lying >fiance >jail
>implying that 18 months is enough to think about getting engaged/married
stressed because no period for 2 months
>sits on xanga to worry about a guy who's going no where for at least a year.
Arrested for assault etc. - this information alone would allow me to leave him w/o any regrets. Know your self worth and ask yourself what you would want your future daughter do in a similar situation.
Lying and assault aren't great traits in boyfriends.
You should get a pregnancy test and then maybe take a step back from this guy. He had a kid and still made the irresponsible decision to unlawfully carry a weapon. What would you have done if you had been with him when he was caught? Furthermore, he has lied to you before, it may have been minor but he has still been dishonest with you. So your boyfriend is a father, is IN JAIL for carrying a weapon, and he has lied before. This is not a situation you want to be in at 18 years of age or at any age for that matter.
Interesting. At this point, why even ask for advice. You helped your friend dodge a bullet.
Call Jerry Springer. I'm really hope this post is a joke, put up for reactions to the absurdity.
....You are a shining example of why we need sex education in our schools. Get your ass to the store and pick up a pregnancy test. And then ditch the dude. He's 21 and already in jail for assault and weapon possession, he's got a kid with another woman, and he lies.
The only thing that seems to have stopped developing is your brain.
Oh, what a clusterfuck. *sigh*
It's quite simple, really. Forget about this dude. That's it. Eliminate all contact between you and him, no matter how much he begs you to talk to him or see him. Act as if he moved to another country or died. And from now on, try to be more careful who you're with.
Hopefully you're not pregnant. Even if you are, you're very likely better off without him. But, it might make it more difficult for you to sever all ties.
@chronic_masticator@xanga - Agreed.
lol this seems like one of those scenarios datingish made up to get views.
okay, this might sound assinine coming from me but usually when a person asks these type of questions it's usually a case where the woman already knows the answer shes just too scared to face facts. I can tell from the five years I was a cop and in the neighborhood I grew up in this will not end well. Let's look at facts
1) he has a " baby mother" meaning that any and all resources he has it's going to be split between you and the other woman may it be money, time, and attention and legal issues.
2) He is a convicted felon I know people can change but in this case from the way he describes it he hasn't made a serious effort. Also, he can never have a serious job since most employers do background checks.
3) he is involved in a dangerous lifestyle which can bring danger for both you and your child if you are pregnant and also children's services will diffidently get involved.
4) Get a pregnancy test and if it's negative leave and count your blessings. If not you have some serious decisions to make.