Tuesday, 06 November 2012
Does an old lover ever suddenly cross your mind? I smelled my coconut perfume and when I breathed in the aroma, I thought of him. I thought back to how everything happened. We were the best of friends and he decided to fall in love with me. Couldn't he just be my friend? What a strange thought, but sometimes love really does ruin a good thing. This past love was tall, handsome, charming, goofy, and a gifted dancer. He was almost a throw back to the past. He had that classic gentleman thing going on.
I had helped him through a rough break-up with his second girlfriend, which was probably his first serious relationship. Through my advice he tried to fix things with her; it didn't work out. While he was getting over this girl, we hung out a lot more than usual. I was there for him and was his good friend like I had always been. I was also on a break from an on and off relationship of my own, so having the male companionship was lovely.
One day he asked me out to a Christmas dinner party as his date. I didn't think much of it, other than we are friends and this is something we would do together normally. We ended up leaving the party early to go to a lounge and relax. We talked all night and ended up falling asleep talking in my room to end the night, not ever meaning to spend a night together.
Somewhere between all the social outings and one on one hangouts, he became what my other friends referred to as a stage 12 clinger. Despite all the laughs we had together and amazing conversations, I just didn't see him the way he saw me. Sometimes it felt like I was his babysitter. I would become angry with him for being immature and he would be angry at me for not treating him like a man. I would tell him if he wanted to be treated like a grown up to act like one. He also had his share of mental issues that didn't help things.
To be fair, he was a really nice guy. He did thoughtful things such as buy me small gifts that reminded him of me. He told me how special I was to him, how nice I was, and how beautiful he found me. In the back of my mind, I always wished he was just a little older. He was a great guy, he just lacked maturity, life experiences, and the wisdom that comes with age. Despite his mental issues, I believe with the wisdom of age he will learn to handle himself in a better manner as he grows from a young man to a man.
As you can imagine this story doesn't have a fairy tale ending, at least not for the both of us together. I had told him nicely that I thought we should just be friends. I told him he was a great guy, but together it just wouldn't work out. Little did I know by this point he was actually full-on head over heels in love with me and everyone knew it. I told him I loved him AS A FRIEND and he had taken it the wrong way. I felt terrible about it, but I had to be honest.
He went a little off his mental rocker. He called me to accuse me of odd things and ask me weird questions about things I don't even remember, because they were so strange. From that point everything between us went wrong. His hurt feelings caused him to lash out in an immature manner. He sent me mean texts and said mean comments about me online. I had attempted to leave free communication open for when he moved on and could talk to me like a normal person again, but that didn't work out.
I had to block him from everything. I was merely trying to live my life drama-free and be an honest person. In his own words, I was his first real love and first girl to break his heart. By his first heartbreak, I had moved on from my first love, a string of flings, casual dates, serious relationships, two broken engagements, had my heart broken a couple more times, and been through the ringer with every type there is!
I wish I could say he perked up right away and everything was better. I thought it would have been, because I heard he had a new girlfriend. He lost his job, was kicked out of the place he was living, and he attempted to take his own life. I was the one who was asked to call his mother to let her know. My friends elected me to be the one.
After some time passed, I heard from mutual friends he did want me to call him. Someone gave me his new number and I gave him a call. This story may not have a fairy tale ending, but it does have a good one. We talked to each other and said our sorries. He is living in a new state with family, he has a good job, and a smoking hot new girlfriend. To hear this is a shuttering relief. After all, he was my good friend, I really do love him, and all I wanted was to see him happy.
Life tends to be bitter-sweet and hopefully I brought him more happiness than pain in the end. From now on, whenever the aroma of coconut wafts through my memories I shall think of him and smile, knowing he is somewhere smiling too.
Were you someone's first love? Did you break their heart? How do you feel about it and what happened?